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tiistai, helmikuu 28, 2006
Hey summer sun?
Oh, I've been searching these for ages and now it seems you can find them easily. If someone have a huge urge to buy me a little gift you can always get me THIS for summer. Poi. From another place you can get a firey one which I also want. I've been dying to learn! That would be my first step towards art of fire. I want 'em both. Im so waiting for next Xmas. I want my Xmas pressent earlier this year!! ;) Hahahah or for my "graduation" gift huh? Mum...Senni...anyone!??? :o
Oh well...I could luv this Scream duck too but...
This day have been so fucked up. School was nice even thought sun was shining and weather was perfect like this would have turned to out to be the best day of my life but ... then I saw the days magazines and remembered what dark clould was on my heart. Did some 50's make up at school. It was fun and our teacher Krista is helluva great gal. Sun was shining all day thought and even thought I felt shitty I just loved the sun. Sun. I love that. The warmth that is already there in the ray of it. Summer is on its way and Im getting anxious!
And about to die cause of great tiredness. I have so much to bable about and in a way - nothing. My head is going to explode and Im just getting number. Im building up great hysteria about my money situation and stuff and I hate myself of ruining my own future with silly stupid smuchky way of not understanding stuff that Im reading. I feel so stupid that I want to hit my head on the wall til its in a shape of a pyramid.
And I fucking want a work place! What is wrong with me cause I've been sending more than lots of aplication during these months and NO response. No one. I suck. I mean, totally.
I hate mondays. Thank God, its already tuesday. Sleep.
tiistai, helmikuu 28, 2006 |
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sunnuntai, helmikuu 26, 2006
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH
Im so down that I cannot speak, breath, think, feel, live anymore. I see guys crying on the television and I feel like crying but Im so numb that I cannot even cry at the moment. This is horrible. It was so close. Swedes always do this to us. I hate ice hockey cause it keeps doing this shit to US ( us = finnish people ) ...I dont know. We fucking played SO WELL. SO WELL that hurts. Like Eka said to me moment ago in sms: "Its important for us that we know who were the real winners".
This is mean shit.
like a punch to a face.
sunnuntai, helmikuu 26, 2006 |
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perjantai, helmikuu 24, 2006
Im a cat, the kitty cat and I dance dance...
Yeah, he's usually more than a model, like camera luvs him but at the day when you want him to pose for valentines day card - then he's MAD! As you can see, the result is quite this. I did this crappy picture in few minutes to show you, that never show your back for a cat.
It was sunny moment ago but now its plainly grey. It was great to have sun shine around like in spring. My mood is always attached to weather. Im in strange mood. I had one sirdalud to open my neck and it gets me high and overly relaxed, thank god its getting over slowly by now...My spirit is up and down and Im thinking too much and also - Im thinking nothing. Its quite strange. Maybe people expect so much of me and I see myself just going, thinking nothing, making no promises, filling no expectations...Gyahah.
I did nice picture about Saaga yesterday. We needed one picture for press / promo needs and for Kaustiset. Im quite fine with the picture cause Im not that good using photoshop and stuff, I just fool around. Thought, I could study about it someday more...I know I have da eye for beauty, right!
Tomorrow : me, Senni, Eka and our lovely flygirl Mareike from Berlin are goin' out! Oh yeah. We'll be so pretty and stuff. Wee.
perjantai, helmikuu 24, 2006 |
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torstai, helmikuu 23, 2006
torstai, helmikuu 23, 2006 |
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keskiviikko, helmikuu 22, 2006
Choose between ice hockey and theater
I had busy day. First at school I kept lecture about 40's and after lunch I felt like I could just sleep 'til summer...Weather outside was grey and waterish. I went straight home after school and to bed. Slept for an hour and Eija woke me up to bring some Saaga's pictures to make promo stuff for Kaustiset. Then I rushed to meet Eeva-Kaisa and Mareike who arrived to Finland from Berlin yesterday and and...then I runned to theather. Me and some of my school buddies got a change to see rehersal of new Ray Cooney's farce called "Koukussa". It was hilarious, I laughed my head off. I just loved to watch good comedy with great actors and...everything was just clicking on the stage. Even thought it was a show that where for the family member of the cast whole place was FULL of people. I wish my class fellah Kirsi would have been there, she would have love it. Jos porukka tiet�� sarjan Kyll� Is� Osaa niin siit� tuttu Tom Lindholm vet�� mielett�nt� setti� lavalla. Aivan j�rkytt�v�n hyv��. Anyway. At the same time there was Finland - Usa olympic hockey game on and Im in a way glad that I didnt stay home to watch it (which I was so close to do!) AND also I hate myself not seeing it! My mobile was full of sms about the game. At interwal I checked out my phone and I was about to get insane! Oh by the way, I saw so much old buddies and familiar faces at the theather. I was so happy to meet three dear medieval market fellow actorss who first even didnt noticed me! But we are all going this year too and it will be great time. I've miss that grazy bunch so much.
Im about to fall to asleep and I still should do some poster stuff for Saaga's aplication for Kaustinen folk festival. I dont have enought time. Should I call tomorrow to school that Im sick and stay home working that? My working moral thought never let me do that and I feel horrible if I do so... I just cannot get my head working at the moment. I just came home like 20 mins ago. Waching Myth brakers and Champions league. <3 Drinking lovely tea with two pieces of sugar. I wanted to buy candy so bad but all the closest places where closed. That's why the sugar. I never use sugar with tea or coffee.
OH OH FUCK. Goddamn! We beated USA totally in ice hockey tonite and now it seems that we ruuuuule in curling too! Go Finns go finns, clap yer hand ya all! Wo-oo-ah. As my friend in his sms minute ago said "I could give to Uusipaavalniemi" (who's captain of Finnish curling team and did great ending for game just moment ago!!!) ... Well greatest hero is for sure our hockey teams goalkeeper Niittym�ki. He rocks! He's amazing! He's out of this damn world! But anyway, I gotta start that picture now even thought I just want to go to sleep, bohooo...I havent slept well in ages ... 3-4h per night every day. Gaah. Few silly pics of me with glasses...
I suddenly found a this little walkman radio thang I got from my last evening off at army with fellow weather guys. We went to bar and they gave us these. "Ottakaas siit� aamuradiot!" ... It even has a add in it. City Hotelli J�ms�. Hehe, luv it. I told about seconds after the play to friend in IRC:
[22:05] hyv� kun n�ytelm� loppu niin ohjaaja tuli lavalle
[22:05] (koska oli vasta n�yt�s omaisille ennen enskaria aka harjoitukset eli taikauskosena teatteriv�ki ei tule ottaa aplodeja sillo viel�)
[22:06] "haluan kiitt�� teit�, olette upea yleis� ja koska taikauskon takia n�yttelij�t eiv�t tule ottamaan suosion osoituksianne vastaan kerron teille suomi-usa pelin tuloksen..."
[22:06] sitten joku huutaa "EI"
[22:06] ja ohjaaja oli ett� no ei sitten mutta kiitos! :D
I just love theater.
keskiviikko, helmikuu 22, 2006 |
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tiistai, helmikuu 21, 2006
Unemployed in summer time ...
(its only Emiliana Torrini's song, I wish I would be working at summer.)
My head is about to explode. Too many things to figure out and so much going on. And this damn computer is driving me totally grazy. Seems like there's so many people putting great expectations on me which I afraid Im not able to fill. Im having so much haste that I dont even find time to figure anything out. I feel bad about not doing things - and Im not talking about physically, more like feelings. I have problem about living arrangements also. My roommate is moving together with his boyfriend and Im all left alone. I need a roommate. Oh - how jolly that my twin sister is also looking for apartment at this moment of life ...
Does it still mean that I need to take her here? I love her, she's all - but it doesnt mean that I want to live with her 24/7. I still want to love her after ten years or even at next autumn! It takes a long long entry to make sense about this.
I would love to spend one day home watching olympics. And Riget's. I want to watch Breaking the waves again even thought I've seen it like ten times already but its my favorite movie. Everytime I watch it, I die and get alive again. Its just something so amazing. Im also quite excited about news that Lars von Trier's next movie will be out at Danmark in spring (rumour) and it will be comedy. If it has a 10% of black humour that riget has - I'll luv it.
I'm not tired but i think i'll lay back anyway
I'm not welcome but i think i'll stay
I just love Chroma Key. Its been one of my greatest love since 2000.
Sometimes i wanna sleep in the street
But it feels a little funny without you
Down in the basement feeling the pavement
Holding my stomach
And sometimes i can't believe my own feet
So i found another permanent address
Sold the old mattress keeping the changes
Talking to strangers
I knew i could forget you
That's what i'm gonna do
Now i'm staring at a stop sign
Just like the last time
Hey you're everything you dreamed you'd be
What a civilized way to be angry
Locked in the attic, starting to panic
Wait, that's me
Always it's the same situation
It's got to be somebody's fault
But i never know what to do
So let's say we put the blame on you
Standing in a phone booth
Waiting for the punch line
Trying not to call you
Just like the last time
Sometimes i wanna sleep in the street
But it feels a little funny without you
Down in the basement feeling the pavement
Holding my stomach in
And sometimes i can't believe my own feet
So i found another permanent address
Sold the old mattress keeping the changes
Talking to strangers
I knew i could forget you
That's what i'm gonna do
Now i'm staring at a stop sign
Just like the last time
What makes this all go real. Im about to having terrible stress. Im running out of money and I have so much to get. I should get money to go Helsinki for one weekend. Train ticket there and back (or bus, what ever) and pay for the education. If I want to buy starting package from there its 130e more. And I dont afford it but I want to go so bad cause its good for me. And also I get a change to meet my posse and MALLA for fuck sakes. I want my homies in my life again.
I need time for myself. To figure out what I want. I want to live just for myself. I've NEVER done that! If I get idea that "hmm" I'de love to spend a summer at scotland or winter in north working - Why in earth I even bother to think anyone else? Its my damn life.
Aivomyrsky�. Miettii, mihin sit� on tultu. Asiat menee hirve�� vauhtia ja yritt�� itsekkin pys�hty� hetkeksi. Maailma hurisee ohi ja seisoo. Kuka olen nyt? Minuus on sama, persoona sama, iho sama. Muu - alkaa selvit� hiljalleen perustuksieni p��lle.
Tell me something stupid
Auction off my diary
Life is getting esoteric
Let me in your movie
Each time i walk out the door
Someone mixes metaphors
Life is so much cleaner on the page
It's like the morning when i'm dreaming
And everything is so pristine
It's just a seven hour movie
And i'm in every scene
Let me in my t.v.
Get this tape to tori
Got to have a subplot
When i sell them my life story
Maybe i should write it first
And do the living later
'cause life is so much cleaner on the page
It's like the time i lost my body
And then i saw it on t.v.
Somehow it shed a whole dimension
But it still looked like me
(hey! that looks like me!)
Each time i write lines for it
Someone improvises it
Life is so much cleaner on the page
Life is so much cleaner on the page
Ja kuinka tunnen syyllisyytt� ajasta jota en voi joillekkin antaa. Ja pelk��n olevani v�linpit�m�t�n ja itsek�s. V�lill� mietin, pit�isik� olla?
Teen selv�ksi voimavarani, aikani ja prioriteettini - hetki eteenp�in niin tuntuu kun olisin puhunut kuuroille korville. L�ht�kohta on t�m� ja tuo...ja tuntuu, ett� mit��n ei olisi ymm�rretty. Multa hajoaa p�� - sill� jos mit��n el�m�ss� vihaan, niin on toistaa samoja lauseita jotka joka kerta otetaan vastaan "Ymm�rr�n." ja haihtuvat seuraavassa uloshengityksess� ep�ymm�rryksen harmaaseen pilvimassaan.
N�m�kin tekstit on vaan t�ytt� diipadaapaa lukijalleen. Onpas taas ollut Dooriksella kovin korkealentoista yadiyaata p�� t�ynn�, ett�!
Miksi tutustua uusiin ihmisiin kun vanhoissakin on niin paljon kest�mist�? - Juice Leskinen
tiistai, helmikuu 21, 2006 |
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maanantai, helmikuu 20, 2006
All I want to do is to stay home all day, chill at my bed and watch olympics. I hate to leave to school!!! Bwah!
How's everyone?
maanantai, helmikuu 20, 2006 |
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tiistai, helmikuu 14, 2006
What is in store for me now?
KT Tunstall - Throught the dark
As I walk away
I look over my shoulder
To see what i'm leaving behind
Peaces of puzzels
And
Wishes on eyelashes fainted
Oooooh!
How do i show all the love
Inside my heart
Well this is all new
And i'm feeling my way through the dark
And i used to talk
With honest conviction
Of how i predicted my word
I'm gonna leave it to star gazers
Tell me what you tell scope says
Oh what is in store for me now?
It's coming apart
I know that it's true
'cause i'm feeling my way through the dark
Try to find a light on somewhere
Try to find a light on somewhere
I'm finding i'm falling in love with the dark, oh yeah
Oh oh what do i know i don't care
Where to start
From a troubles are few
As i'm feeling my way through the dark
Through the dark
I'm feeling my way through the dark
tiistai, helmikuu 14, 2006 |
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sunnuntai, helmikuu 12, 2006
Check this out, I'd like to see how you guys see me!
http://kevan.org/johari?name=gennie
sunnuntai, helmikuu 12, 2006 |
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I wish I was enough
If I could open my blinded eyes could I see you there?
Sigh. Gig was fab. Now I feel so empty inside that I'd want to stay in my room forever and see no-one. Two sets went so well and we gave all we could. Eeva and I sang together so well that I was shivering all the time. Everytime we play I understand so well that we togerher make the music sound like it is. We make the songs together alive and communicate thru music. If we would be just random musicians that are invited to play as background people it would be all different. I remember gigs with other ppl playing cello or flute, not Anni or Kaisa, and it's never that intimate. There's a hole in whole combination. Oh well...anyway. I haven't got this kind of feeling ever - After we started to talk with Tero and Kaisa about this all. How I almost bursted to cry (!!!?) during "If" and how Tero noticed it. After all this years those songs are started to be so close to heart. How every person in a band has a song that brings tears to eyes...When we started soundcheck Down Town was full of ppl. Casher came just before we started to play so we only got 22 ticket sold from about over hundred! DAMN! But who cares anyway, it is just money. There was lotsa ppl I've seen in our gigs, familiar faces with no name (ooh we got fans!), friends, family...people listen us. Silently. Staring. Enjoying. It was fabulous. Amazing. Love.
I love my homies. I love this band. I love to realize that we have so much future together and we all are so looking forward it. <3 And - that we rock!
sunnuntai, helmikuu 12, 2006 |
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lauantai, helmikuu 11, 2006
You dont need to say a word...
...Just come to me and I read it in your eyes.
This evening Saaga's gig. Im neurvous and that's why feeling quite sick. My tummy is all upside down and hands shaking. Shiiii-iiit.
Last night Senni came over to watch Olympic games opening show and movies. We drank some redwine and just relaxed. Lovely evening! <3 We both are suckers for good party like opening show was. Great stuff. End of the movie was hard cause I was so tired that I hardly could keep my eyes open. I went to bed at 3am, shut my mobilephone and falled asleep right away. Slept 'til I woke up at 2pm. Then I made some morning coffee and played tekken. I made some delicious mozzarella, basilica, tonafish, black pepper omelet for breakfast. Then Daddy-O called about the songs I should rehersal for jam session next month. I need money to go there and I dont know where to get that, but we'll see...Oh well. Now Im having a horrible time cause Im running on walls and so neurvous. I hate this about going on the stage - it makes me so sick even thought I love it. Im excited and love the idea of having a great stuff on Down Town with my darlings in Saaga. But before gig's ... Im all sick. DAMN. Havent been this neurous in ages. I've been living in toilet all day.
There is a little interview of me and Eeva in today's Turun Sanomat (local newspaper)...Check it out, man! I dont look like myself at all in that lil' picture. Damn.
lauantai, helmikuu 11, 2006 |
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tiistai, helmikuu 07, 2006
I changed this site that you can see newest entries in this page and others oldest you can find from ARCHIVE site, which link you can see right up there ^ too...I want to keep this page nice and tiny...Oki? Lemme know what ya think, I can put it to show "10 entries" at same time too...
Ja miksi ihmeess� v�lill� n�kyy ��kk�set ja v�lill� ei. You just GOTTA luv computer doncha? (..."doncha wish you girlfriend"...*jorailee*)
tiistai, helmikuu 07, 2006 |
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Cold cold feeling
Im too death tired to write in english at the moment. I cannot open my manically crashing computer anymore and Im getting so fucking done with it. I cannot stand the sound it makes, it is so slow and I can hardly work with it. There's some shitty stuff happening in O.C ... Gladly I stopped watching it when I got out from army. Things are changed. Im still floating. Anyway Saaga's gig is coming soon, Im soooo waiting for it. Saturday. Hurr.
Lesborakkautta. Kun eka syd�n hajoaa johonkin Ryaniin ja dokataan kes� niin ihastutaan johonkin jonkun Ex-tytt��n joka on bi. Siis ... h�. Inhokki dooris O.C:st�kin pussailee jotain doorista rantsulla. Tolla on niin �rsytt�v� pissis ��ni...En muista edes roolihahmon nime�. :D Muistan kun joskus katselin O.C:n ensimm�isen tuotantokauden putkeen s��asemalla kun Jokela oli tuonnut sen boxin sinne. Oli ihan viihdytt�v��, hauskaa, l�mmint� ja hilpeet�. Nokkelaa sanailua ja s�p�et� parisuhdeshitti�. Sitten se alkoi taas telkusta niin kaikki poijjaat sy�ksyi telkkujen ��reen tiistai-iltaisin. Katoin ekan jakson ja totesin, ett� tympe��. Ja nyt katsoin 15min ja totesin, ett� kas - viel� vaan tympe�mp��.
Olen niin v�synyt. Sen j�lkeen kun p��sin armeijasta en ole p��ssyt nukkumaan kunnolla. Tai sanotaanko n�in, ett� en ole vain saanut nukutuksi kunnolla kotona. Koko ajan miljoona asiaa aivoissa; pankkilainat, ty�nhaut, koulujutut, el�m�, mennyt el�m�, tuleva el�m�, unelmat, laskut, l�heisten ongelmat, ik�v�, ideat, matkakuume...Huoneessa on niin kylm�, ett� uudet ruukkukasvit ovat j��tyneet. :( Ikkunat "v�h�n" vet��. Niskat ja kaikki paikat niin jumissa. P�� jumissa.
Lautaista l�htien ollut jotekseenkin down. Johtuu p��osin v�symyksest�, mutta my�s niin monista asioista. Tuntuu, ett� asioita tapahtuu niin hirve�ll� vauhdilla ja toisaalta mit��n ei tapahdu. Er��ll� tapaa on niin tyhj�n p��ll� ja silti jonkun suuren askelman edess�. Yrit�n oppia sopeutumaan itse�ni taas t�h�n el�m��n. Olen vuoden ollut kotona aina siten, ett� koko ajan teen jotain; K�yt�n ajan hy�dyllisesti. En edes nuku p�iv�unia kuten armeijassa kun tuntuu, ett� "tuhlaan" kallista aikaa kotona. Tajusin jokin aikaa sitten, ett� t�ss� t�m� on - En palaa en�� armeijaan, olen tullut "j��d�kseni" joten miksi hosun. Mutta silti en osaa relata. Toisaalta hirve� kiima tehd� jotain suurta, l�hte� jonnekkin tehd� jotain uutta. Kaipaa ihmisi�, yst�vi� intist� ja on ihanaa tutustua koulussa mahtaviin dooriksiin. Vaihtelua hien hajuisiin piereskeleviin �ijiin. Haluaisi niin t�it�, ett� p��sis ymp�r �mp�r k�ym��n kyl�ss� moikkaileen kamuja...Lottaa Kaahavalle, J�kyl��n, Treelle...
Anteeksi, hirveet� valitusta. K�yn aivan ylikierroksia koska olen jokseenkin v�sk�. Viime y�n tein Saagan julistetta paskalla koneellani joka meni koko ajan tilttiin ja h�vitti tiedostot koska levytilaa ei oikeastaan ole. Kone pit�� niin hirve�� meteli� etten en�� pahemmin uskalla avata sit�. Siksi halvat yhteydenpitov�lineet on kiven alla (aka kone kiinni, mirc/messengeri etc not available) - k�nnykk�lasku ilahdutti t�n��n :P ... Olen todella tyytym�t�n julisteeseen koska tein sit� 8h ja joka ikinen juttu (Esim. pienenn�n kuvaa tai suurennan) kesti minuutin kaksi sill� kone on niin romuna ja vanha. Inhottaa kun ei varaa uuteen yksikk��n. Windows XP <3, uudet ohjelmat, nopeutta, tilaa...rakastan touhuta kaikkia juttuja ja luovuus k�rsii. Taas olisi niin ideoitakin, mutta kone n�k�tt�� kiinni kun uskalla avata sit�. Prkl. Hirveesti kuviakin ja portfoliota haluaisi v��nt��...
Toisaalta tympii tehd� pyyt�m�tt� ilmaista ty�t� josta jotkut laskuttaa hirveit� summia ja josta kukaan ei koskaan kiit� vaan pit�� sit� itsest��n selvyyten�. Enemminkin vain "k�sket��n". Pit�isi olla jo online, pit�isi olla jo huomenna painossa, joko olet kotona tekem�ss� sit�, siin� millinkokoinen piste joka h�iritsee, se on n�in t�m� on n�in...Itse�ni viel� inhotuttaa se kun oli ihan eri visio julisteesta mutta sitten kone brakasi ja tallensi vahingossa tekstin v��r�n kohtaan ja v�litallennus katosi niin ei jaksanut alkuper�isest� aloittaa tuntikausien hommaa joten kompromissi y�ll� -> SAA KELVATA. :D
K�yn valtavia tunnetiloja l�pi nyky��n. Koulussa onnistumisen hetki� ja toisaalta kieriskelen "Olenpa paska" ruoskinnassa. Yrit�n opetella laittamaan hiuksia, tekem��n sit� ja t�t� ja tuntuu ett� olen tumppu. Silm�t on aivan romuna ja pit�isi hakea sossulta aikaa et p��sis iniseen silm�lasirahoja. Piilareita ei pysty pahemmin k�ytt�m��n. Oktomynoloosi ei parannu n�ill� vahvoilla laseilla ja tarttis uudet linssit. Lukulaiseista ei ole miti� hy�ty� kun joutuu minuutin v�lein vaihtaan laseja...Damn silm�myki�t, miksi kramppailette! P�� tuntuu raskaalta kun pit�� tuijottaa koko ajan jotain. Kotiin tullessa ei jaksa katsoa telkkua tai lukea uusia lehti� saatika kirjoja kun silm�t on niin sumussa. Tuijottelee vaan johonkin. Mutta kokemuksesta viisaana ei jaksaisi menn� sinne Sossuun. Arpapeli�. Ainakin saisin takaisin sen 200e mit� jouduin itse ARMEIJAN AIKANA maksamaan laseista. On todistukset ja kaikki. Pit�isi vain viitsi�.
T�it� hakea...ja opiskelupaikkaa / keskiajanmarkkinoille. Kaikkea pit�isi mietti�, pohtia ja saada energiaa. Joka p�iv� jotain. T�n��n laitoin hakemuksen torimyyj�ksi kes�ksi. MIt�s siin� nostella vihanneslasteja 5am sateessa tai auringonpaisteessa. Oikeastaan olen sen verran kreisi ett� syd�mmess�ni hel�ht�� kilikello kun ajattelen jotain mukavaa kuten hulluja ty�aikoja / tahtia. Muistelen loppusotaa kun joka p�iv� 21.00 duunia ja 2.30am her�tys. Oli ihan paras viikko. Pakkasta, tuuli niin ett� teltta ei pysynyt paikoillaan ja ihan hirveet� mutta silti niin saamarin mahtavan hauskaa. Tein raivona hommia ja v�h�n liikaakin - yliv�sk�n� l�in kirveell� p�lkyn ohi itse�ni jalkaan. Onneksi oli niin paljon vaatetta et tuli vaan joku 2cm kumpare ja hirve� mustelma. Jalka viel�kin siit� kohtaa arka. :)
K�y vuoden aikaisia tapahtumia, siviilist� ja intist� l�pi. Kasvamistaan, muuttumistaan, tasautumistaan. Yritt�� l�yt�� paikkansa t��lt� ja mietin, miten olenkaan muuttunut. En persoonana tai Lottana (ehk� v�h�n) vaan ihmisen�. Tiedostavampi. Itsest�ni. Jos alkaisin t�ss� nyt selitt�m��n t�m�n hetkist� omakuvaa tai itsetutkiskelujen tilaa niin olisin kirjoittamassa viel� Conan O'Brienin aikaan...
Jokatapauksessa ... Yksi l�heinen ihminen (tai joskus l�heinen) sanoi kerran ja sinnemin muutamaan kertaan toistanut eri asiayhteyksiss� (mutta tuntuu aina, ett� viittaa samaan asiaan piilotarkoituksella - it's just me, maybe its just me!), ett� "pit�� kokea uutta" ja "ei saa j��d� tuleen makaamaan" tms tarkoittaen sit�, ett� ei voi jumahtaa, pit�� menn� eteenp�in. Jossain aisioissa ei vain muutosta voi tehd� t�ss� ja nyt, nappia painamalla. Jollekkin se n�ytt�� olevan niin helppoa. Kunpa osaisin itsekkin j�lleen olla niin kylm� ja oppoturnisti.
Olin t�n��n Mummon syntt�reill�. P��sin koulusta kolmen maissa, tulin kotia, kaaduin s�nkyyn X-asentoon siten et jalat oli kuitenkin maassa ja nukahdin niille sijoilleni puoleksi tunniksi. �iti soitti t�ist� p��sty��n ja sitten huomasin istuvani autossa unisena. Mummolassa ylensy�nti� (kokonainen broileri - en sy�nyt kaikkea itse, crusta leip�� ja myslileip�� raivoisoja paloja aurinkokuivattutomaatti tuorejuustoshaiballa kuorrutettuna, pullaa, runebergin torttuja, kuppikaupalla kahvia...) ja keskustelua. Aiheet py�ri nykyperuskoulujen tilassa, misseiss� ("Eih�n se miss Suami ees oo kaunis?!!") ja sen sellaisessa ajankohtaisessa. Olisipa Ukki viel� niin olisi voinut pist�� p��lle kunnon v�kev�n poliittisen palopuheen. Tosin, Ukin kanssa oltiin hyvin pitk�lti samalla puolella. Nyt tosiaan �hkyss� kotona, tulin hetki sitten...
Sisko kertonut �itille et kisu kiimassa. Kisu kotona ja sisko Hesassa. Kisu enempi Idiootti Lotta-hakkaa-jos-mahdollista Ex�n kanssa kun siskon kanssa. Sisko vois tuoda sen t�nne mutta kun ei. Sill� on niin erityinen suhde siihen. No, mullahan ei ole mit��n oikeuksia mihink��n ja toisaalta - olen niin v�synyt, ett� nostan k�det kaikessa yl�s. Pid� tunkkis, el�m�!
Njaa. Kyl� l�htee! NYT suunnitelmissa -> Huoneen raikkoamista, Ihanaa omena kaneli teet� ja ... hmm. Jos vaix siivoais siveltimet. Joo. N�in teen.
tiistai, helmikuu 07, 2006 |
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torstai, helmikuu 02, 2006
As you can all see I re-did the layot again. After listenin' Faith no more and cleaning up you just cannot help it. It got me inspirited. Damn, Alias had such a freaky ending at 4th (?) seasons last episode which they show at the telly moment ago. Im in shock. That series is starting to get so ... confused. I use to watch it in the army but not in ages. Now I saw the ending and - Whoah. Of course this was the last episode for awhile...it went to have a break. And I shall go to clean my face, remove my nailpolish and go to sleep. I made some delicious egg / tomato salad and Im SO full and too tired to breath.
torstai, helmikuu 02, 2006 |
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Dont take it serious
Ulkona on kovin pime��. V�sytt��. Kaikki y�t tulee touhuttua jotain megatsu turhaa ja silti esimerkiksi oma huoneeni on aivan kaaoksen partaalla. Iltaisin kun tulee koulusta joko harjoittelee, touhuaa asioita kaupungilla tai koneella ja sitten huomaa olevansa aivan loppu, sy� ja menee nukkumaan. Nukkumaan menness� huomaa tosin tuijottavansa televisiota vain l�hes kahteen joka y� koska k�y aivan ylikierroksilla.
Olisi pit�nyt pit�� hetki lomaa intin p��lle.
Raha-asiat mietitytt��. Eka pankkilaina painaa niskassa raskaana ja etsin t�it� vaikkain tuntuu, ett� miss�h�n v�liss� sit� sitten sit�kin. Ja toisaalta - pit�isi tehd� ihan v�h�n vaan t�it� aluksi toukokuun loppuun jotta sais sy�ty�kin. T�ll� hetkell� saan siten kelalta asumisrahaa ja opintotukea ett� el�miseen kuussa j�� jotakuinkin 50e josta menee sitten puhelinlasku ja nettilasku. Joten plusmiinusnolla. Sossustahan en mit��n saa. Kela meinaan p��tti alkaa perim��n nyt takaisin jotain ylim��r�isi� rahoja jotka lupasivat, ett� ei tarvitse ikin� maksaa. Siit� on jo aikaa ja kyll�p� sauman sille kehittiv�t.
Joten sitten etsii raivona t�it�. Kaipaa yst�vi� ja ihmisi��n. Armeija on verottanut sen suuren ja mahtavan piirin ymp�rilt�ni pariin l�heiseen yst�v��n josta toinen on siskoni joka siin� olisi varmaan vaikka olisin raiskarilapsentappajapedofiilimies. Paras mit� t�n��n kuulin yhdelt� yst�v�lt�ni; Puhuin siit�, ett� yksi yhteinen kamumme oli v�h�n tyly kun l�hetin tekstarin, ett� olisi ihana n�hd� pitk�st� aikaa. Vastasi suurpiirteisesti, ett� "ei aikaa. Odota kes�kuuhun"...Kuitenkin laittoi seuraavana p�iv�n� siskolleni viesti�, ett� haluaisi tavata. Senni ihmetteli, ett� eih�n sinulla ole aikaa. "Sinulle aina on, Jumalattareni." Ookoo. No sain tiet��, ett� kyseinen kaveri oli puhunut t�st�, ett� olin laittanut viesti� ja inissyt sit�, etten itse ole pit�nyt yhteytt�. No, intis� ei paljoa tullut pidetty� kehenk��n ja kyll� silloin t�ll�in kyselin kuulumisia ja vastaavaa, mutta h�nkin on ollut, ettei ole aikaa ja "N�hd��n sitten kun p��set armeijasta". Miten on, ett� miehet voi oikeasti olla sen inttivuoden rauhassa. Jokainen ymm�rt��, ett� silloin ei v�ltt�m�tt� ole (siis todellakaan ei ole!) aikaa tai energiaa tai kertakaikkiaan MAHDOLLISUUKSIA pit�� kaikkiin ihmisiin yhteytt�. Ja tuntuu, ett� minun pit�isi aina pit�� yhteytt� ja jos en pid�: Ihmiset katoavat katkerina ymp�rilt�ni. Pit��k� minun naisena sitten silti yll�pit�� raivoisia sosiaalisia ympyr�it� mets�st� poteron pohjalta? Vuoden aikana oli hyvinkin viikkoja etten soittanut �idilleni jonka kanssa pid�n p�ivitt�in yhteytt�...
Ja nyt tuntuu, ett� nekin v�h�t kaverit jotka pit�nyt yhteytt� (muutama siten, ett� angstaan ett� miksi susta ei ikin� kuulu) viikonloppuisin eiv�t pid� en�� sit�k��n. Ne joiden kanssa piti eniten intti� ennen yht�.
Masentaa. Itse kun j�tk�t esim. on ollu armeijassa niin ihan hyv�ksynyt, ett� kaverista ei kuulu etc ja nyt itse kun tulin intist� reserviin ei pidet� miti� yhteytt�. Olen mammautunut: istun illat vain kotona, katselen sivustoja netiss�, en saa luetuksi edes lehti� tai kirjoja aivomyrskyjeni takia tai ylip��t�ns� saa mit��n aikaiseksi.
Koulussa on kyll� raivohauskaa. Olen todella motivoitunut ja edistyn hirve�� vauhtia. Olen todella ylpe� itsest�ni sen suhteen, ett� oikeasti saan todella aikaiseksi jotain fyysist�. Suurin treenaminen on hiusten kanssa joita en ole koskaan laittanut. T�n��n sain kuitenkin upean h��setin tehty� Ekalle. Hiukset ja meikki. Morsian l�hti v�h�n (toivottavasti ei my�h�stynyt t�ist�) kiiruulla duuniaan kohti joten en saanut hyvi� kuvia mutta laitan jotain later on...Ihata.
Huomenna jo perjantai. Viikko mennyt aivan raivovauhtia. Olen jokseenkin _poikki_. Pit�isi siivota. Eilen tein CV:n, monta ty�hakemusta, istuin ty�kk�riss� tuntikausia ja touhusin vaikka mit�...
Nyt kahvia ja siivoilemaan. Illalla Elisabeth Turun kaupunginteatterilla.
torstai, helmikuu 02, 2006 |
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keskiviikko, helmikuu 01, 2006
Towards the spring
Sun. Come back more often.
Damn I look silly.
keskiviikko, helmikuu 01, 2006 |
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