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keskiviikko, maaliskuu 31, 2004
Todella outo olo. Olen helvetin huolissani. Hengitys tuntuu vaikean raskaalta, p��ss� heitt�� ihan helvetisti vaikka istuisi paikallaan. Kaikki raajat t�risee hiljaa ja tuntuu, ett� ei pysty liikkumaan suoraan mihink��n. Silm�t painaa ja en pysty katsomaan mihink��n tarkentuvasti. Teen kaikki ty�t hiii-tttaaa-aaa-aaa-sssttt-iiii. Ei tajua mik� on!! APUA pelottavaa. (olen t�iss� sairaalassa, voisin hakea pahoinvointi l��kkeit� mutta mit� suotta. Toisaalta voisin kertoa jollekkin olostani josta tod n�k kukaan ei kerki�isi v�litt��. Kiire.) Eik�h�n t�m� t�st�. P�� jalkojen v�liin ja silm�t kiinni. Ei uskalla puhua, ettei vahingossakaan tule mit��n muuta ulos kuin ��nt�. Outoh.
keskiviikko, maaliskuu 31, 2004 |
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tiistai, maaliskuu 30, 2004
Im going to write more later on. I feel darn empty and been extremely busy again. This week will be just running around so no time to meet any friends (bohoo). Thought it seems anyway, that when something happends Im last to know (if I even will be informed about anything) or Im the one ppl call when they need company to bar or so on. Like - Therapist and fun to drink with? Feeling of that makes me depressed and even floating more far away in my own little misantropic way of being at the moment. Argh never mind me. Im just a whining bastard who should not never go to orkut.com to see that ppl are talking about big parties and so on but no one talks about me about those. Or so on so on...Last weekend one dear friend of mine said that I dont love him if I dont go to bar, and I didnt and what a fuzz. Ok, it was a joke - I know, but it hurt my "Im only wanted when ppl are going out" -feeling. Ok, this all is SO CHILDISH I KNOW, but I cannot help it, its midnight, Im tired and full of whining. Im so sorry. There is just this one thing that Im going throught quite alone with. And I need to.
Just feeling tired in front of it. But thats how it goes.
Carton boxes around me. Spring is on its way. Sunnu day again, now some nightly fog. Gotta jump into bed and gather some powers.
tiistai, maaliskuu 30, 2004 |
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keskiviikko, maaliskuu 24, 2004
Sigh. Im so neurvous. I suppose to call to my landlord today...Argh. And I feel so sick, head is achy, throath is a bit sore and I feel weak. Lack of sleep or something. Or then flu, but I must fight against of all kind of colds now! ARGH!!
Last night I spend two hours with headphones and Puccini's Madame Buttefly, Elgar's cello concerto and Rahmaninov's piano concerto 3 ... It opened all the blogs in my head and I cried. Maybe that's why I feel so sore atm. Also Im SO neurvous about having first medieval market meeting today. Wow!
keskiviikko, maaliskuu 24, 2004 |
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tiistai, maaliskuu 23, 2004
Im sorry about my whining. I really dont mean it to get anyone upset or anyhow worried about me. Im just so messed up in strange way. There is so much good stuff going on which makes me overly happy and exited. There is also so much huge changes of direction and life going on that it makes me sentimental, tired and sobby. Im unsure about what I am. Im unsure about my talent and Im not sure about anything RIGHT NOW RIGHT HERE. Only that Im not going to live in Littoinen at May and that tomorrow I come to work at morning. Spring. Let me burst in to bloom.
Its dark grey day - which is making me so down. I dont know. In some way I feel like that everyone are using me or that somehow ppl dont want to even be with me anymore (only 'cause I've been a bit down and they have promised to meet me or so) ... I feel like Im always the "other" option when it comes to meet friends. And Im always the one to call when someone wants to go to bar or so. WHINE WHINE WHINE - Im sorry.
Happy news - we got new person in work. Nurse student from Belgium called Tom. He's really not a student anymore...But anyway, funny to have some fresh around! Another student (female) is joining him next week. Nicee!! But back to business...
tiistai, maaliskuu 23, 2004 |
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Oh my dear head is aching again. It always gets better when its getting late and Im ready to sleep, but mornings and after noon is always like these. Always when I really do need to use my eyes. Hmm. Anyway, life is shit ramadamadingdong. Im feeling a bit down at the moment, but its going to past I know. Of course it takes time to get throught major life changes. And it hurts me to realize that I cannot do a thing. Not after he said that he's threw up with my lyrics and destroyed our songs we done together. I think I stick at background singer whole my fucking life. I will end of making any music my own. I will get 2000e from my cello...Im so done with myself.
tiistai, maaliskuu 23, 2004 |
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maanantai, maaliskuu 22, 2004
Hemmetti mik� s��. Maanantai. Sataa m�rint� r�nt�� mit� pilvist� voi alas tulla. Raskasta ja isohiutaleista. L�s�ht�� otsaan kuin soft air aseen luoti. No kes�� p�in kuintenkin. Uusi lumi vanhan surma, kuten kaduilla kerrotaan. Positiivista, ett� olen istunut koneella naputellen listoja ja yht�-�kki� huomasin kellon olevan kolme. Juurihan tulin t�ihin!! Olo on jokseenkin kipe�, en tied� mik� minulla on, taas s�rkee p��h�n. Johtunee laseista? My�s vatsa on ik�v�hk�. Haluaisin k�mpi� kolooni peiton alle yksin hiljaisuuteen ja sulkea koko maailman olemasta l�sn� p��ni sis�ll� ja ulkopuolella.
Senni p��si ounaissuomen k�si ja taideteollisen oppilaitoksen p��sykokeisiin. Woo! Mikko N�tyn lis�ksi sai kutsun t�n��n TEAKkiin. Woah. Minulla on taidokkaita ihmisi� ymp�rill�ni. Meik� vaan painaa t�it�. Tuleepahan sitten joskus, kun haen kouluihin, hemmetisti pisteit� duunista.
Kiiru viikko tulossa. Toisaalta vallan miellytt�vi� asioita tiedossa - keikka, mukavia harkkoja, eka keskiaika tapaaminen (j-�-n-n-i-t-t-�-v-�-�!), viimeisien esitysten energia svenskanilla, perjantaina saadaan tiet�� p��sik� saaga jatkoon ja samoin pe on TVO:lla Epan j�rjest�m� metal night jossa laulan yhden kappaleen. La toiseksi vika esitys Svenskanilla ja Aleksin syntt�rit muistaakseni...Yep yep.
Huomaa miten uppoutunut sit� on ollut t�n��n ty�h�ns�; menin �sken laittamaan kahvihuoneemme astianpesukonetta p��lle ja ekaa kertaa j�in oikein miettim��n, ett� mitenk�h�n t�m� nyt sitten k�ynistyk��n - siirr�nk� nappulan a vai b asentoon. Kummallista sill� laitan koneen p��lle JOKA P�IV�. Aivot sulaa.
Huomenna Sennin ja �itin olisi tarkoitus tulla hakemaan luoltani omaisuuttani jota jaan paremmille apajille. Takkeja ja Kenki�! Pois kaikki turha! Tilaa el�m�lle.
maanantai, maaliskuu 22, 2004 |
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sunnuntai, maaliskuu 21, 2004
What a sunday. Its raining, Im listening Bikini Kill and drinking old not that hot coffee. Iron Chef on the telly, sleeping until my cat started to whine for a food. I hate sleep late just for one reason; getting up from bed and realizing that local store is just closed. No pepsi. No candy. No sunday junk food. ARGH! Anyway, looking for apartment its getting me tired and wishfull. Nothing yet. Later on to rehersals. I love these days off even thought I hate sundays. And days off means days without WORK if someone didnt get it. Hehe.
sunnuntai, maaliskuu 21, 2004 |
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sunnuntai, maaliskuu 21, 2004 |
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lauantai, maaliskuu 20, 2004
Live Finland Oy - DBTL Open was last night in telly. Saaga. I coulnt see it, cause I was at theather, but later on I watched it at Eka's place. It was ok, thought I have some major problems of watching myself in tv. Past these years I've become comfy with hearing my voice but watching my face and watching myself singing and playing drums or what ever makes me feel so creepy and hating my look. Argh. Dunno why. Photos are totally different thing - I like to pose and Im good with it, but but...
Last night after the show I went to Eka's place. It was rainy and dark. Whole work day I was dreaming to get out to sun (it was sunny 'til 5pm) drink some take away coffee while sitting my the aura river and relaxing after hectic and hard work day. But Im quite happy that I did it, I mean working alone three days! No moment of sitting or drinking coffee. Even my lunch brake where in shifts, I started to eat - went to do something - came back to eat - "Lotta, operation room 3, now!" - came back to finnish my already cold lunch. By back and leg where aching and I was ready to sleep right after work, but someone I managed to get myself together to one show. I adore my group of friends there, we always build up good energy and its easy to go to the stage no matter how tired and fed up of everything you are. ANYWAY! Eka's cat Felix died yesterday at 5pm. And after it sun went away and started to rain.
He was 17 years old but still sappy and full of energy. Suddenly he left us. I feel so tired and sad about it. He's always been a part of Eka's life and thats way my life too. Part of her family. He's the most softest thing I know on earth. Or was. Sigh.
Today I'll soonish leave to city to go searching for a flat again. Its always exiting to see new places, but Im really getting tired of running around the city, watching million apartments and nothing is suitable for me!! But Im sure there will be one which is the one for me.
Damn that my saldo is used. I need to wait two weeks to get it open. Few long phone calls and it was used. Argh. Daddy-O called me at morning (he tried to call me last night few times) and we talked for awhile. I was so sleepy that he let me sleep. I slept 'til 2pm or something like that. I did deserved it. Now Im not achy anymore. After seeing few places today I go to Homehome to see Mum's new DVD system. She's so happy about it, like a child (and Im envy cause I dont even have VCR) at Xmas eve. They went to borrow like every DVD Senni and Tuomas has. Everytime I call there they are wathing some movie or listening cd and "This speakers are so cool, listen how cool it sounds"...and so on. Heheh. Touching.
Anyway, Now I need to build myself up and take a shower and hurry to bus! Laters.
And ppl at Finland, remember to VOTE for Saaga. ;))
lauantai, maaliskuu 20, 2004 |
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perjantai, maaliskuu 19, 2004
TITTA P� TURKU TV I KV�LL 19.45!!
perjantai, maaliskuu 19, 2004 |
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torstai, maaliskuu 18, 2004
Im so tired. I slept very well, like when I smacked my head to the pillow after midnight I dont remember anything - just the voice of the alarm clock in the morning and mourning of Somebody. My eyes are sore and head is aching. ARGH! Anyway, busy and hectic workday - like it always seems to be. My partner is still in sick off and I need to be alone, what a rush. Also I feel quite tired and ill, this is hell.
Sun is shining and air is warm. Spring is here, its official now. Amazing. Feels boring to be inside when weather is like this. Yesterday it was quite the same. And at weekend when I had a day "off" it was raining like there is no sun in the sky. Bad luck huh? Last nights show was sold out again. Its amazing to perform to full theater all over again. Even thought I was death tired and while trying to meditade new energy inside me before hitting the stage I almost falled asleep. Otherwise it went well. After show I went to have a late dinner with Maria, Miiu and Mikko to Chinese restaurant. I ate so much that I almost bursted to pieces. Chicen with carlicsauce. Yummy. *drool*
After that delicious dinner I came home and watched Conan O'Brien and adorable FireFly. Im a fan. I love that new touch of science fiction which Joss Weldon have created in this series...Today work work work. Then some phone calls about new apartments, to hairdresser and then to rehersals. Tomorrow show igen in �ST. Men jag m�ste springa! Vi ses!
torstai, maaliskuu 18, 2004 |
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keskiviikko, maaliskuu 17, 2004
Surfing and killing time at work before hitting road towards theater.
Haha. Me at 98 in Cygnus amateur astronomer summer meeting. OMG!!!!
keskiviikko, maaliskuu 17, 2004 |
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Alone at work. Tired.
Long day ahead.
keskiviikko, maaliskuu 17, 2004 |
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tiistai, maaliskuu 16, 2004
Sigh. Its been quite an busy day igen. Eyes are sore cause of these bloody eyeglasses. Btw ppl, do you count on to Lottery? Can you really win loads of money in those? Or should I start praying. Maybe hospital will pay too much money in my next paycheck or so...;)
Its exiting in a way...Few of my friends got invited to N�TY's first test. IM SO SO SO neurvous and happy about them! Having hangoverish feeling even thought I havent even seen any alcohol in my sight in few days. I wonder...Anyway!
Eilen oli ihmeellinen p�iv�. Ilma oli m�rk� ja kylm� kuin kertaalleen vihitty morsian. Kev�inen r�nt�sade piiskasi 20 minuttia poskiani, kun odottelin kyyti� sairaalan oven edess� kohti Saloa. Lopulta Kari kurvasi mestoille ja l�hdimme tukka putkella Tammisillan kautta Saloon studio Haven:in p��kallopaikalle. Mukava mesta. Mukavia heppuja. Saatiin paljon aikaiseksi ja aika meni nopeasti. Vaikka t�iss� oli suunnitellut k�yden rasvaamisen alkeiden aloittamista niin iltaa kohdi fiilis kihosi ja ��ni aukeni. Kotiin p��sin juuri Conan O'Brienin puolessa v�liss�. Puoli pussia m�ssy�, huonoa kioskikirjallisuutta ja l�in p��ni samantien kyll�styneen v�syneen� tyynyyn. Katti k�mpi hellyytt� vinkumaan ihanan pehme�n�. Ei sent��n pahoin pidellyt p��nahkaani, nim. "Kokemusta on". En meinannut saada unta kun pohdin Felixi�. Eeva-Kaisan kattia joka tekee kuolemaa. Eka on armeijassa ja vexiss�, ei lomia. Jumalauta, ett� ahdistaa. Jos olisi ollut katti 18v niin varmaan karkaisin jostain kasarmilta kohti auringon laskua vain n�hd�kseni katin kerran viel�. Maisukin l�hti niin nopeasti. En ole viel� edes haudannut sit� "henkisesti". Oltiin Sampan kanssa poski poskea vasten ja mietin, ett� kuinka el�imet p��sev�t l�helle ihmist� eri tavoin kun ihminen itse. Pyytteet�nt� rakkautta ilman mit��n ehtoja. Ja el�imet n�ytt�v�t pettymyksens� ja antavat anteeksi. Jokin minusta hiljeni lopulllisesti kun Maisu l�hti ja kuulin "Tyhm�� itke�, se on vain pelkk� koira" - kyse silloin oli siit�, ett� olin niin shokissa, etten ole t�n� p�iv�n�k��n itkenyt asiasta. Kun Maisu lopetti hengitt�misen. Nothing. Kun Maisu oli kuollut ja pidin kasvojani haudattuna sen turkkiin, nothing. Kun Maisu haudattiin. -Nada.
Viel�kin kun menen kotikotiin odotan haukkumista kun ty�nn�n avaimen lukkoon. Uikutusta. �lyt�nt� �l�m�l��. Kuintekin l�hti niin varoittamatta - Maanantaina el�m�ns� kunnossa ja tiistaina taivaassa. Niin se menee. Kirvelt��. Mitenk�h�n Laku voi Is�n luona. Ja asiasta kukkapurkkiin, mitenk�h�n Is� voi? K�vi k�sileikkauksessa viime viikolla ja en ole sen j�lkeen kuullut miti�. Hitto vie kun ei ole saldoa...
Tiistai. Ty�p�iv� t�n��n lyhyempi. Mik� siunaus. Sent��n ilma ei ole eilisen kaltainen. On kyll� pime�� ja pilvist�, mutta aurinko n�ytt�isi kaivavan tiens� pilvien l�pi min� hetken� hyv�ns�...
Hassuja juttuja t�iss�. L�hetti l�hd�ss� takaisin opiskelemaan (sivari) ja annettiin h�nelle hauska lahja. Koko p�iv� ollut siihen liittyv�� kuhinaa. Konjakkipullo jossa "resepti" lappu kiinni johon raapustettu runo ja reseptiin kuuluva ohje tottahan toki. "Ik�v��n sopiva tujaus" tms. Laitettiin se "l�htev�t" boxiin apteekin muovipussiin jossa syd�mmen muotoinen lappu nimell�. Lopulta kuului k�rryjen vaimea kolina ja koko leikkaussali hiljenee kun ovi k�y. Heahaha ihana n�hd� kun ihminen menee sanattomaksi. ;))
Kyll� on kiireist� el�m��. Mutta ihanaa tehd� asioita. Ensi viikolla The Portionin kanssa hesaan keikalle. Illaksi kotia takas ja seuraavana p�iv�n� duuni, esitys ja TVO:lla pieni veto Diakhaten kanssa. Eilen matkalla Saloon mr.Karin soitti ja lupasi Kaivohuoneelta kes�ksi t�it�. IHANAA!!!!! :) ) Ensi viikolla my�s eka keskiaika tapaaminen! Upeaa. Asuntohakemuksia, hiljaista el�m�n pohdintaa. Surua, iloa ja ik�v��. P��t�ksi� ja rohkeuden ker��mist�. Olen t�ss� ja nyt itseni kanssa joka tuntuu hienolta. Ei suuria suunnitelmia. Vain askel kerrallaan p�� pystyss� - Helevetin hauskaa! :D
tiistai, maaliskuu 16, 2004 |
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maanantai, maaliskuu 15, 2004
Dark day outside. Raining. Water. Mondays are hectic and full of hasty running around whole day. I also got huge pile of papers to do. Sigh. I would love to sink my head to pillow and sleep forever more. After work I drive to Salo to studio. Yawn.
What a weekend. Nothing really happend but still. In friday I had work and rehersals. At saturday morning I went to optician to check my eye sight. Also got new contact lenses which I really didnt afford but better that way. My eyesight have got very weak in these 1? years with my glasses which I have atm.
-7.50 in both. Interesting thing is that other eyes "hajataitto" have turned from left to right. Thats like almost impossible. Heah :P So, Im blind. Hurray. I dont really have money to buy a new glasses, I cannot see anything with my "old" ones and Im having headaches all the time. Its getting me tired.
Its raining. Its been raining whole day. I was too busy and forgot to go to have a lunch at matsalen. Damn.
Im so down about Eka. She's at army, sick as hell and her cat is dying here at Turku. 17 year old Felix. Sigh.
maanantai, maaliskuu 15, 2004 |
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perjantai, maaliskuu 12, 2004
Friday. Busy day at work. In last few days its been extremely hard to get up at mornings, even thought I sleep quite well and quite enought too. I dont know. Spring gloomyness and tiredness I quess. I think so, cause I've noticed some little changes at my behave in passing week - for example: I dont sit at the cafeterian at work at all. I long to be alone with my thoughts. I dont creave to meet friends of be overly social. When I get from work I only want to go home and be ALONE. Do things I havent got change to do in ages - re-arrange closets, read, re-arrange my computer and clean places. I need room to think. First of all I need to but my thoughts in order. "Why dont we meet, you are always so busy or then you are just avoiding..." are ppl saying. Shite, really, I will ask when I need company - Being at work in the middle of ppl and at theater in the middle of ppl, I do need a space for myself too. Im so tired to be what others want me to be. Be enertic, talk about things, be interested, be open yadiyaa. I choose to be quiet and with myself then thank you very much.
Im sure it will be over in next week. I have so much going on. Im so exited. I need to arrange my thoughts and head.
Kiireinen vkl tiedossa. T�n��n harkkoja t�iden j�lkeen ja sitten huomenna aamusta iltaan esityksi� ja harkkoja teatterilla. Sunnuntaina sit� ja t�t�. Jospa pit�isi T-p�iv�n maanantaina? En voi. Haluaisin kyll�. En sitten kyll� tied�.
Eilen oli upea esitys. Olin sen j�lkeen niin poikki ett� hipsin kotia. Katoin Conan O'Brieni� ja ker�ilin nahkaa silmilt� kun meinasi nukahtaa vaikka oli niin hauskaa.
perjantai, maaliskuu 12, 2004 |
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torstai, maaliskuu 11, 2004
Today I laugh to everything...Tuulimuna ja ei-ryp�lem�inen moola...REALLY I wish I could understand the real meaning for that and not just laugh like stupid cause of my wild imagination.
torstai, maaliskuu 11, 2004 |
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ARGH! I cannot stand it! I look terrible. Argh, Saaga's video clip and etc is finally on DBTL Open pages - CHECK IT OUT and remember to watch it from telly in few weeks! Wooo! CLICK HERE!
And why in earth these computers here at work dont have speakers...
torstai, maaliskuu 11, 2004 |
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keskiviikko, maaliskuu 10, 2004
I've been so busy whole day. This is first time Im able to write a thing. Sigh.
keskiviikko, maaliskuu 10, 2004 |
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tiistai, maaliskuu 09, 2004
Today this work is truly getting too heavy to bear, mentally. Fucking let me be. I do my best, really. I do.
tiistai, maaliskuu 09, 2004 |
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Maan...Im tired.
Hitto vie. V�sytt�� niin paljon. Her�ilin y�ll� alituisesti kissan helliin hellyyden osoituksiin (jos nyt l�hes p��n hakkaamista toisen poskeen voi hell�ksi kutsua) ja en saanut unta j��dess�ni paijaamaan h�nt� rauhalliseksi. Her�tys kello aloitti piinan puoli seits�m�lt� aamulla. En l�yt�nyt tulitikkuja joten k�ytin t�ll� kertaa kuminauhoja pit�m�ss� silmi� aamutelevision ajan auki.
Eilinen oli outo mutta uhmakkaan mainio! Pitk�st� aikaa sellainen floating p�iv�. Tosin joka paikkaan on s�rkenyt jo toista p�iv��. Kyll�p� se siit�, k�velen vaan liian kovaa. Tuulia menossa t�n��n Clamokseen kuvauksiin, "kateellinen" olen. Sain kutsun marraskuussa itsekkin, mutta kun ei ollut vajaa 100e ylim��r�ist� rahaa niin se j�i. Tuskin koskaan haluavat en�� n�hd� minua kun en sitten whinennyt takaisin, ett� ehk�p� joskus sitten?! Mutta vittuako t�ll� naamalla.
Tahtoo t�it� kaivolta kes�ksi!
Nyt < angsti cut > loppu m�mm�ttely.
Yesterday was really like a real monday should be - Full of bittersweet torture and hectic stress which turns in to hilarious over relaxation. After LONG day (alone without workcouple) in work I met Johanna at Fontana. It was quite suprising that after buying a cup of coffee the waitress gives me an pink clove! "Happy womans day!" Im overwhelmed. Same thing at work - Boys (doctors) bought us some goodies and kitchen was filled with cakes, cheeses, candies etc. All about womans day. Nice one.
Anyway, then later on went around at the city and met Sera quickly before her movie. Then she hurried to movie theather and I went to wait for the bus. Just before when my bus left Sera and Kati came again to me (their bus leaves from same bus stop) and said that all the tickets where sold and they couldnt make it. Sera asked me to come to have a "womans days"-drink in Apteekki (where I havent been in months!) with them. It was really funny, we use to go there a lot. They even asked Serafina's ID first time hahaa. Well it was nice, beer and hot chocolate, slow nice relaxed conversation and then we went back to bus stop and took our lifts to home. At home I played with Somebody. I brushed his fur for an hour and it seemed that it get loose endlesly. I could make a mitten from his fur...
Then some tea, put some clinchers to my summer jeans and went to sleep. Quite nice day. One spooky thing was that I was talking with Senni on my way home. She was watching spanish horror movie and almost screaming into my ear throught the conversation. I ended the call while running up at the stairway and opened my door. My another door before main door was open. Its never open. Never. If I leave it open, my cat run out when I open the door. ALSO my kitchen table was 1m away from the corner it usually is and I DIDNT move it at morning. I didnt even needed the table at the morning. It was weird. I started to think that my cat is quite clever bastard; he can open the door and move table (it has wheels under it) etc. But after the creep feeling I found a note at the kitchen on my stove. Some blokes where checking up my radiators and used master key to get in. Phew, it was spooky.
Also get an invite to first Medieval market meeting which is in few weeks. Interesting and exiting! But now gotta work ...
tiistai, maaliskuu 09, 2004 |
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maanantai, maaliskuu 08, 2004
Its awful to realize that you are alone without your workcouple and its monday (which is always like hell, long and hectic day) and you are already tired when you get to the work place. I was supposed to go to studio again (yeah, spend whole day til midnight there last night) today after work, but lucky me, it was cancelled. Thought, to be honest, I would have loved to go there. Well, then again, I can go to see those few apartments then. And then home, after 8pm or something. Im truly tired, I havent been able to be home more than quick sleep in past few days. I need to buy food in my fridge, which I havent done in a while, I need to buy catfood and sand. I need to take all the garbage out! Argh, loads of work...
In wednesday Im at work alone again. Shite. It means - 8am-6pm here Ich komme.
maanantai, maaliskuu 08, 2004 |
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sunnuntai, maaliskuu 07, 2004
Sigh. At the studio. Im bored with this waiting, and my sunday is quite ruined, cause I had loads of many other plans like Tuulia's bday and meeting Eka so on. But studio time is booked and I had to come (thought they tell me about it in friday, two days before...) otherwise I truly enjoy being here but still...
#Tolkien meet went so nicely. Whole day was full of good conversation and loads of laugh. My face started to hurt in one part, cause I was all smiling and laughing all the time. I loved to meet old friends and many new faces I didnt know. The atmosphere in these meetings are always relaxed, everyone just takes everyone as they are. Place was HUGE. Food was good. Loads of music. Im just so happy about the fact that I actually went in to that meeting. For example I havent been able to see S7L in ages. We where close friends and kept touch a lot, long long conversations and emails. Somehow while I lost my internet connection and all our email exchange and all faded away. Now we met and it was like there is no 2years between it. We right away just breefed eachothers about whats happening in life and started to listen Philip Glass from laptop. Haha :))
I should meet these ppl more often. Everyone gave me something inside and I love to know that there is all that ppl. Now I can hardly wait to get meeting pictures online. Heahaha. Anyway, I think im going to be singing soon so I leave this computer alone...
sunnuntai, maaliskuu 07, 2004 |
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lauantai, maaliskuu 06, 2004
Oh. woke up after 10am. Went to sleep after midnight, I was all too tired. Almost falled asleep while watching telly. After it I've done some changes and updates to Saaga's page. Now some more coffee, shower and hurry up to meeting. Yay its sunny.
lauantai, maaliskuu 06, 2004 |
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perjantai, maaliskuu 05, 2004
I can hardly wait for #Tolkien meet. I've missed one so far and even thought I havent been able to be in irc for awhile, I truly just get so much power even thinking of meeting old ppl I know, new ppl I never met and old friend over seas which I've never met yet. Matika is on her way from USA. Gsus, its been ages since we started to know eachother and we have not been in touch for awhile, but - She's like long lost soul sister. Its interesting to meet her Face to face. Also Marevan, Uniikki, Halfie, Gil, Firelite (which I know from #pakanaverkko and she's Senni's friends, it was quite an suprise to see her joining in to tolkien meet.), Fraggy, S7L, Finrod etc etc etc!! Lotsa new faces to mee too. Sigh. Hopefully Im welcome. Of course I am? or am I? Mm. Shite, just one thing is making me feel that should I go - I know Im paranoid.
Im really getting tired, work is sipping all the energy out from me. Its getting hard from time to time, in mental way. Dont know really why. And yesterday's show was very wierd. We did everything so wrong and the feeling was hectic. Saturday we had best show so far, it was full of energy and so perfect. Now it was like used smelly rag. But otherwise it was nice to meet girls again and have a nice time with 'em. I enjoy that group of all kind of different personalities. But I was too tired and ill yesterday. Tummy flu and other achy stuff where overwhelmingly pushing my spirit down and I was quite depressed and gloomy under my sappy character. When show was over and I was gathering myself together to meet Johanna and folks fastly before going home some girls came from sauna and I heard how they where talking about "asking about it from Lotta"..."noo, I wont ask it! Hahah It sounded like a good plan at sauna but not any more hahahah" *girly laughing together* ... then one of them where like "Lotta, Milla has something she wants to ask you about..." "No no no I dont hahah nooo"...I was there like what the fuck. Very depressed and feeling down and this got me so pissed off. This We-know-something-u-dont-know girly giggling made my brains melt away. I hate it when I know that someone have talked about me and laughing about it, and dont really tell me - just those changeing those "looks" together. Fuck - I dont want that shite when Im tired. Maybe its nothing, maybe it was just their way of having fun, Im such a joke so what ever.
It just reminds me of school when I was little.
Gladly making fun about everything with Johanna co. lift my spirit higher. Mane's mr.flatbeat videos where hilarious etc. I went back home and watched Lone Gunman. Fun episode with Tango! Haha. Then I jumped into bed and falled asleep right away. Good for me, cause it was still hard for me to get up at 7am today. Some working out, coffee and ran to work. Spring is here! Sun is warm and shining brightly. I love it. But hey, back to work. Dont mind about my stupid rambling.
perjantai, maaliskuu 05, 2004 |
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torstai, maaliskuu 04, 2004
"Uuuah!" kuten er��n scifisarjan kielen vy�n alle viev� herra toisteli koko ajan. Tulisipa Space: Above and Beyond taas. Mutta syy riemunkiljahteluihin l�ytyy monelta suuntaa; Olen kerrassaan aika hyv�ll� tuulella, nukuin yll�tt�v�n ookoosti, vatsani pinke� turvotus on laskenut ja suoli toimii "paremmin" (lue: asiat pysyv�t v�h�n pidemp��n sis�ll�ni) ja vatsaflunssa alkaa olla kaukainen haiseva muisto. Aamulla en alituisesti nukahdellut suihkuun, laiskanlinnaani etc ja olin ihan ajoissa t�iss�kin. Hauska Howmedican edustaja k�vi nauramassa juttujamme ja tuomassa kasoittain karkkia. Aurinko porottaa iloisesti ja her�m�ss�? tunnelma on mainio. T�iss� joskus vaan naurattaa ja hymyilytt��. Hemetti, ett� on mukavaa.
Eilen n�in Petrusta t�iden j�lkeen. Istuttiin The Cow:ssa ja jutella h�pistiin monen monta tuntia. Kotona olin juuri sopivasti ysilt�, sy�tin katin ja istahdin laiskanlinnalle seuraamaan Oscareiden lyhennetty� versiota. Kyll� se on aina niin jumalattoman viihdytt�v��, Billy Crystal on hulvaton ja olin niin empaattisesti mukana ihmisten reaktiossa ett� ei rajaa. Pit�isi ostaa muovinen Oscar-patsas ja harjoitella paniikkikyyneleit� peilin edess� "Thank you academy"...Pient� jumppaa (lue: raakaa lihaskunto urheilua) ja sitten kaaduin s�nkyyn puoli kahden maissa ja nukahdin kuin tukki, kunnes Katti her�tteli kuuden pintaan. (jolloin oli aikaa nukkua viel� muutama tunti, jumalauta.)
ihme juttuja. J��tteenm�ke� masentaa, tosin ket�p� ei jos eka kaikki taputtaa selk��n ja lopulta j�tet��n pesem��n paskat yksin. Eilen sit� tuubaa tuli hetken viiveell� telkkaristakin sitten "suorana l?hetyksen�". Nyt poliisien p�yt�kirjat menee julkisiksi etc. Kauheata mediapornoa. �ll�tt�v��. Samanlaiset tunteet nostatti pintaan kun sain emailia yst�v�lt�ni "T�st� meteli!"...mutta mit�p� t�ll�iselle en�� voi. Lahdataan kaikki jotka kuuntelee musiikkia. Pian lahdataan kaikki jotka eiv�t maksa siit�, ett� k�yv�t elokuvissa. Kotona lukeminenkin pian kiellet��n. Isoveli valvoo. (Ihana suurennella asioita.)
Mutta nyt on siis kyse vain ja ainoaan siit�, ett� Euroopan Unioni on viem�ss� Euroopan Parlamentin k�sitelt�v�ksi 8. maaliskuuta lakiesityksen, joka kantaa nime� "Euroopan Unionin direktiivi tekij�noikeuksien voimaansaattamiseksi". Afterdawn.com:in linkist� l�ytyy suomeksi lis��: "Direktiivi antaisi tekij�noikeuksien haltijoille, kuten levy-yhti�ille ja elokuvastudioille, t�ydet oikeudet tehd� ratsioita esim. P2P-k�ytt�jien koteihin, jos heit� ep�ill��n laittoman materiaalin levityksest� P2P-verkoissa. Lis�ksi P2P-k�ytt�jilt� voitaisiin j��dytt�� kaikki Euroopassa olevat pankkitilit sek� takavarikoida kaikki heille kuuluva omaisuus, oli laittoman materiaalin levitys verkossa tahatonta tai tahallista." Terrrve...
T�n��n esitys. Lauantaina ei ole esityst�. Pian loppuu esitykset. Sitten alkaakin keskiaika harjoittelu. Sitten kun se on ohi, alkaa 5vk kes�loma. Yesh. Kev�t on sellaista aikaa joka hurahtaa silmiss�. Ihanaa.
torstai, maaliskuu 04, 2004 |
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keskiviikko, maaliskuu 03, 2004
today humor at work have been more like stuff we laught and make fun about in fridays. Bwahah. Hectic day. Still having problem with my DirectX. Im so planning to buy new computer.
keskiviikko, maaliskuu 03, 2004 |
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Joku sanoi minulle eilen, ett� "Katsotaan sitten kuin olet taas hereill�". Olen enemm�n hereill� kuin koskaan. Oloni on voimakas ja tietoinen. El�n t�ss� ja nyt. Nautin t�ist�ni (vaikka joskus vain whine�n), uusista mahdollisuuksista (musiikissa ja teatterijuttuja), suunnitelmien ja unelmien toteutumisista ja unelmoimisesta. Olen alkanut p�rj��m��n hitaasti mutta varmasti taloudellisesti. Plus miinus nolla ja pyh�henki. ;) En jaksa en�� pyyt�� anteeksi olemassa oloani. Jos minusta tuntuu hyv�lt�, se on t�rkeint�. Ja t�ss� nyt puhutaan ihan vain asioista esim vaikkapa "Lotasta on hauskaa k�yd� tanssimassa. Koska se tuntuu Lotasta hauskalta ja se on vain tanssimista tanssimisen takia. Jos h�n tanssimassa k�ymisell��n jotain loukkaa, h�n ei sille mit��n voi, sill� ei tee sit� pahuuttaan".
Hitto vie. Haluan el�� todellista el�m��.
Ja kukaan ei tajua mist� min� puhun. Heahah, liikaa ajattelua jota en pysty / saata laittaa sanoiksi.
Upea upea aurinkoinen s��. Ihana kattella n�in sis�lt� ulos ja nauttia. Mozarella tomaatti kalaa lounaalla ja kahvia. Ulkona tuulee niin, ett� henki menee ja on kirkasta niin ett� silm�t tippuu mutta kev�t tulee.
keskiviikko, maaliskuu 03, 2004 |
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tiistai, maaliskuu 02, 2004
T�iss� hirve� s�hlinki. Suomessa puhutaan Oscareista ja viinan uusista hinnoista (skannannut ken ties, l�ytyi miken blogista). Joku imel� s�lli soitti ja myi seuraa (lehti). K�rsin j�rkytt�v�st� vatsaflunssamuodosta ja ty�kaverit varmasti luulevat minun olevan raskaana. Ehk� se on vain ilmaa?
Aamulla oli harmaata. Sitten paistoi aurinko. Sitten tuli lunta ja samaan aikaan paistoi aurinko. Nyt en tied�, sill� ty�huoneessani ei ole ikkunaa. Plussan puolella oli kuitenkin, nahkatakki p��ll� p�rj��. Jos oksennan viel� t�iss�, otan saikkua. Mutta n�m� listat on saatava pois p�iv� j�rjestyksest�. T�n��n tulee telkusta 24. Ihanaa. Konetta pit�isi laittaa kuntoon (aivot sulaa kun edes ajattelen asiaa.) ja haluaisin vain olla kotona. Epan luokse oli puhe menn� huomenna jamittelemaan (lue: ty�st�m��n jotain raakileita, siit� on vuosia kun ollaan tehty mit��n yhdess�) ja t�n��n ei varsinaisesti ole suuria suunnitelmia. Torstaina esitys. Kuten lauantainakin. Sunnuntaina Tuulian syntym�p�iv� kutsut. Nyt muistin - ens vkl muistaakseni #tolkien-miitti. Sep�s hauskaa. :D En ole n�hnyt jengi� ikukausiin. Mukava n�hd� ihmisi�. Vanhoja ja uusia. Jokseenkin meni nyt p�� tyhj�ksi, ty�kavereita k�vi juoksemassa tuossa ympyr�� ja aivoista ajatukset liukseni pirtupilviin. Uhuh.
tiistai, maaliskuu 02, 2004 |
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maanantai, maaliskuu 01, 2004
Min� olen Markku Toikka, padappappappapaada. Soitan saksofoonia padappappappappaada...
Huomasin juuri, ett� neloselta alkaa sarja jossa h�n n�yttelee. Ja ei, kyseess� ei ole komedia. Saakohan edell�mainittu t�ht�semme n�ytt�� fonistin taitojaan sarjassa? Heaheah.
Ulkona paistaa arska. Tuntuu, ettei mill��n malta olla duunissa. Joen rannalle haistelemaan auringonpaisteessa hitaasti sulavan lumen tuoksua. Juomaan ehk�p� take away kahvia? En tied� ... jotain muuta kuin istumista ikkunattomassa kopissa ep�mukavalla muka-ergonomisella tuolilla kahvia lipitt�en ja ruutuun tuijottaen niin, ett� silm�t eiv�t pian voi en�� tarkentaa mihink��n. Odotella, ett� saleissa tapahtuisi jotain, jotta sinua tarvittaisiin. Niinp� niin.
On muuten suuri ja m�rk� kyynel, ett� Senni ei kosasta tempassut Tuomasta eilen. Olin jo laittanut toivokkaasti kuoharit pakastimeen ja kirjotellut hempeit� onnittelukortteja. Mitenk�h�n Epa? Onko pian Hartemaan perheess� kihlajaisjuhlat? Ns. "parasta ennen"-p�iv�. Kes�ll� pit�isi (h�ist� puheen ollen) l�hte� taasen pohjoiseen (jos kutsu k�y) H�sselin h�ihin. Ruotsinkielinen mies, ruotsissa i�t asunut kainuulainen nainen, kasa kainuulaisia ei ruotsia taitavia sekop�it� - Ei yht��n suomenruotsalaista. Sitten min�. Pit�isi varmaan laulaa jotain. Jos humalatilaltaan kukaan pystyy h�iss� soittamaan... Anteeksi, sarkasmia.
VOE ell�imen k�p�l�. T�n��n uattelin, ett� jospa voisin imuroida, koska katti tyhjent�� karvojaan pitkin k�mpp��ni ja en pysty pian hengitt�m��n. K�visinp� kaupassa hakemassa jotain hyv�� ruokaa ja asentaisin The Sims:in koneelleni. Paskat maanantain elokuvista, meitti tahtoo pelata.
maanantai, maaliskuu 01, 2004 |
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Im quite busy at work atm, but I'll write later.
maanantai, maaliskuu 01, 2004 |
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Hehe, the violist who was playing with Saaga in friday took some silly pictures of us with her mobilephone (which of course includes camera) ...
After the tv show, we look unhappy but I think this is only moment without a smile. Outside of studio we're trying to quess when does she takes the picture (cause "camera" didnt make any sound or so) ...BUT check out my hair. Woah. I loved it.
maanantai, maaliskuu 01, 2004 |
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