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tiistai, syyskuu 30, 2003
istunut t�n��n toisen puolen sairaalaa eri osastolla...sain omat tunnarit, olen opetellut sit� uutta ty�teht�v��, tulin hetkeksi t�nne saliin k�ym��n odotteleen ja katsomaan tilannetta. p�� v�h�n py�r�ll� kaikesta suuresta mahtavasta tietotulvasta. Kunpa osaisi latinaa.
T�iden j�lkeen ruotsinkielinen luento. 3h. Hurraa.
Haluaisin ottaa auton alleni, l�hte�. Haluaisin l�mp��. Haluaisin t�m�n helvetin ysk�n pois. Miksi kaikki on niin hiljaista? Onko minut hyl�tty tilaan josta ei voi sanoa mit��n? Sen kun leijut ja odotat...
Mit�?
tiistai, syyskuu 30, 2003 |
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G'morning. Woke up and went straight to pay bills online. First pay check. I paid two rent and few bills and now I have few bills left (which I should pay somehow ... argh dunno how!) and now money. Gotta get some pennies somewhere to get new buscard. Sigh. What a j0lly morning, gotta say. Work! Soonish. now coffee, quick teeth brush and go go!
tiistai, syyskuu 30, 2003 |
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maanantai, syyskuu 29, 2003
They shut down my mobilephone. Hurray.
No eip� ole paljoa tullut vastauksia yksin�isiin tekstiviesteihini. 8)
Mutta jos jollakin on tarve saada minut kiinni soittakoon lankapuhelimeen. Jos ei ole rahaa maksaa puhelinlaskua, ei ole rahaa my�sk��n poistua k�np�st�, joten vastaan kotipuhelimeen: 02-2463202
Sein�t kaatuvat ajatusteni vy�ryjen painoon. Ysk� ei ota loppuakseen. Ulkona paistaa aurinko, olo voimaton ja ... voimaton?
maanantai, syyskuu 29, 2003 |
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sunnuntai, syyskuu 28, 2003
F1. Gotta love/hate it. Im going to get an heartattack ...
sunnuntai, syyskuu 28, 2003 |
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Fever. Big time. Nothing to do, just watch movies, listen music and get no sleep cause all you can see is nightmares.
My big dream is to get a part in chicago musical. I love it. I made one part of da dream come true - promotion ;)) (cant get no sleep - you do silly things with 'puter then!)
Inspired by the cell block tango!
sunnuntai, syyskuu 28, 2003 |
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perjantai, syyskuu 26, 2003
Yippee yippee. Fever, in the morning ... you got me fever. about 39 degrees. My bed is all wet cause of sweat and I feel terrible. Slept whole day. Woke up at 8am, called to work. Straight back to bed. Somebody have been sleeping _so_ close to me whole time, like he know that I dont feel ok. Awww :>
Then few times I woke up to notice that my phone is full of messages, and falled asleep again.
I feel terrible. Im so dizzy that I dont even really know what to write down here. Im down cause I wanted to go to work today. And also wanted to have a real weekend. Senni told me today that tonight is opening night for Dogville!!!11 LvT:s new film. Like - Im totally sick and peeaa ... Bwah. Well...
Last nigth I watched Return of the Jedi. It rocks. Ok - I go to make something hot to drink ... Im useless here front of the 'puter...
perjantai, syyskuu 26, 2003 |
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torstai, syyskuu 25, 2003
Olen niin v�synyt. Sain kelalta kasottain lappuja jossa ilmoittivat, ett� minulta on ev�tty tyott�myystuen saanti (eilisest� l�htien, joten en saa niit� rahoja viikoista muutamasta jotka olin ty�t�n) ja best of all - minulla maksatutetaan viime vuoden ty�tt�myysrahoja. Kaikki sen takia, ett� vaikka hain pakkohaussa en mennyt yli 50e maksaviin (plus matkat) �lytt�miin kouluihin opiskeleen alalle jota en ikin� tulisi el�m�ss�ni harjoittamaan (terveydenhoitaja, metsuri ...)!! Yhteiskunnan varojen raakalaismaista tuhlaamista ja vied� nyt paikka joltain joka tosiaan sit� opiskelupaikkaa haluaisi! Minulla ei ollut varaa l�hte� siihen rahallisesti eik� moraalisesti. Siin� syksyn haussa ei ollut minun alani paikkoja haettavana joten...Sitten teen valtavan yhteenvedon kaikesta t�st� niille niin eiv�t osaa lukea ja voivat tosiaan olla niin vitun pikkumaisia, ett� silti kielt�v�t multa ty�tt�myysrahan/tuen.
Hakia on alle 25-vuotias ammatillista koulutusta vailla oleva. FUCK DA PAPERS! Osaan paljon vaikka mit� ilman jotain helvetin papereita. Ilman papereita ei saa opiskelijapaikkaa, ei t�it�, ei ty�tt�myystukea - Eli suomalainen hyvinvointi yhteiskunta pyyt�� sinua muuttamaan kadulle, tarjoamaan persett�si hyvin tienaaville bisnesmiehille isosta rahasta, kyll� sill�kin jotain sy�! Hakia on ilman hyv�ksytt�v�� syyt� kielt�ytynyt tarjotusta ty�st� tai 2 luvussa tarkoitetusta toimenpiteest� taikka kielt�ytynyt, eronnut tai j��nyt hakeutumatta h�nelle soveltuvaan ammatilliseen koulutukseen. Hain t�it� niin, ett� meinasin saada burnoutin ty�nhakemisella! Se oli ty�! Pistin rahaa niin perkeleesti puheluihin ja postittamiseen. Ty�kk�riss� ei miss��n vaiheessa tullut lapun lappua, ett� t�ss� olisi tyt�lle ty�paikka, vaan hoidin kaiken itse! Perustelut Hakia ei ole hakenut syksyn 2002 yhteishaussa (9.-20.9.2002) Ammatilliseen koulutukseen. Hain, mutta en mennyt kokeisiin asti, joihin en ikin� uskonut p��sev�ni! H�n ei halua menn� opiskelemaan alaa, jolla ei koskaan tekisi t�it�. EN NIIN! Vetoaa my�s taloudellisiin seikkoihin. No money no funny koita ymm�rt��... Suunnitelmissa h�nell� on l�yt�� ravintola-alan oppisopimuspaikka. Vaikeaa ... Hakijalla ei ollut ty�voimapoliittisesti p�tev�� syyt� olla hakeutumatta ammatilliseen koulutukseen. Ei oikeutta ty�markkinatukeen. Joopa joo. Eri lapuissa sitten on n�it� hienoja "olette kielt�ytyneet teille soveltuvasta ammatillisesta koulutuksesta" ... Soveltuva my ass. Ja parasta t�ss� kaikessa on se, ett� aikovat peri� minulta takaisin ty�markkinatuet jotka olen saanut. Migreeni. Jumala anna voimaa ...
torstai, syyskuu 25, 2003 |
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keskiviikko, syyskuu 24, 2003
Mit� enemm�n jotkut ihmiset tarttuvat kaikkeen kiinni mit� t��ll� kirjoitain, sit� enemm�n tuntuu, etten pysty en�� kirjoittamaan mit��n. Ja kaikesta huolimatta t�m� on vain virtuaalinen bablebabletus, jossa ei ole mit��n j�rke� ja oikeasti henkil�kohtaista. Sen kun vain h�p�ttelen aikani kuluksi, valitan, hypet�n tai jotain.
Jokseenkin v�sytt��. Ulkona paistaa aurinko. Haluaisin k�vell� auranjoen rantaa paksussa villakangas takissa (unohdin kaulaliinan kotiin ja p��lleni p��tyi farkkutakki) pizzicato five:n soiden taustalla... Twiggy!
T�n��n menee my�h��n t�iss�. �sken viimeist� leikkausta "lopettelivat". Sitten viel� sitominen, vatsaletkut, her�ttelyt ynn� muut tilpeh��rit kunnes p��sen tekee lopun ja sitten veks. Sitten Kaisan tyk� k�ym��n pikaisesti.
Ohhoijaa.
keskiviikko, syyskuu 24, 2003 |
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tiistai, syyskuu 23, 2003
"To be is to do" - Socrates
"To do is to be" - Jean Paul Sartre
"Do be do be do" - Frank Sinatra
Bwahah. Oottelen sali 3:sen tyhjenemist�. Vatsa murisee ja n�m� sivut ovat ihanat .. pitk�st� aekaa.
tiistai, syyskuu 23, 2003 |
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Im getting sick. At morning I send sms to my boss and asked do I have to come, I feel weak. Didnt got any answer so I came to work. Now feeling a lot better, but still ... My work couple is sick, so I need to do all the work alone, which is much heavier and slow, so all these hasty doctors are gaining pressure and stress on me ;)
Its raining and I dont have a coat! Only wool sweater. It was sunny at the morning.
Senni is sick. She was having weird hallusinations yesterday. LOL. Fever, in the morning fever when you hold me tight...I should write about my weekend but not now - its dark, grey, just called Mum she's sick too, my granma is sick, Pentti is sick, Senni is sick, Tarja is sick ... Everyone. Hopefully I dont get more fever in my body. Shit I hate my life sometimes.
tiistai, syyskuu 23, 2003 |
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maanantai, syyskuu 22, 2003
Yo. Good to be home? I dont really know. What a pleasure was to meet all the friends, relatives, friends I've never met yet and so on. Loads of joy and well noise and drinkin' too. Ha. Loved the change to drive around with Hani's Yaris (rhime!). What a lovely piece of car was that! Silver, one year old, fisty little one...Roar. I just love the speed. Luckily I have this:
So I can even lose it!
maanantai, syyskuu 22, 2003 |
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sunnuntai, syyskuu 21, 2003
Home. At last. More later.
sunnuntai, syyskuu 21, 2003 |
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torstai, syyskuu 18, 2003
See ya.
torstai, syyskuu 18, 2003 |
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I must fill the survey I found. Gaah, I hate this feeling of leaving. This time it feels ... strange. Perhaps cause I know that I need to come back so soon. Know change to feel like staying. Be on the move, bitch! ;)
Nail in my hand, from my creator, you gave me life, now show me how to live!!
//10 bands you've been listening to a lot lately:
1) audioslave
2) sorb-i-tol
3) cocco
4) ramsteinn
5) dusty springfield
6) roy cox & bluesknights
7) groove convention
8) korpi ensemble
9) nu spirit helsinki
10) the ark
//09 things you're looking forward to:
1) xmas party at my work place (everyone is talkin' about it)
2) rest!
3) get on the road
4) sorb-i-tol's music video release
5) first snow
6) start cello lessons
7) inspirations
8) get my first pay check!
9) get rid of this wedding stress!
//08 things you like to wear:
1) hats
2) skirsts
3) leather jacket
4) eyeglasses. sunglasses.
5) fleese!
6) cool colors mixed with black
7) all kind of wool stuff
8) boots
//07 things that annoy you:
1) mental pressure and violence
2) when someone seems to know your things better than you by yourself. :P
3) stupid news on telly. too much information!
4) haste
5) rasism. age rasism. size rasism. what ever rasism.
6) being tired and never getting any sappier
7) when there is inspiration on its way but not there yet!
//06 things you say most everyday:
1) "Laitetaaks gynetelineet kolmoseen?"
2) "Jou."
3) "Leikkaussali. Lotta Rytk�nen puhelimessa."
4) "Shite."
5) "Semmoista se on"
6) "Bra!"
//05 things you do everyday:
1) make loads of coffee
2) check my email
3) wash my face
4) call mum
5) hurry!
//04 people you want to spend more time with:
1) Somebody
2) Myself
3) Tursa group
4) Family at north
//03 movies you could watch over and over again:
1) Star Wars 4-6
2) Almost an lovestory
3) Brakeing the waves
//02 of your favorite songs at the moment:
1) Cocco - kemonomichi
2) Roy Cox & Bluesknights - Road to freedom
//01 person you would spend the rest of your life with:
1) Myself!!
I've backed. I have 1.5h 'til Hani comes to pick me. I need to wash dishes, go to shower, pack all the toilet stuff and make ups. Do something to eat. Clean places. Take garbage out. Remember da key. Go to pee before you leave.
Hell.
I hate to leave, but I love to go.
torstai, syyskuu 18, 2003 |
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G'morning. I should be packing. I've been up for few hours, just drinking coffee and hanging around and trying to figure out what to wear and take with me! Gaah. I just cannot stop listening this song.
Rakkaudesta - Sielun veljet
huokaus kulkee, se syliins� sulkee jo vier�ht�neen kyyneleen
tunnelma l�mmin ja surullinen, mutta silti onnellinen
sun jalkasi hakkaavat katujen kultaa,m� j�hmetyn keskell� j��n
s� l�het�t kaukaisen kaupungin luolista valoa l�mmitt�v��
me neroja ollaan, s� tiesitk� sen, me keksimme rakkauden
s� olet maa, m� olen kuu
s� olet kuu, m� olen maa
rakennan sun syd�mmeesi taloa, m� rakastan sua, enemm�n kuin jumalaa
rakennan sun syd�mmeesi taloa, m� rakastan sua, enemm�n kuin jumalaa
hetkemme kauneimmat liian kauniita sanojen viekkaudelle
rakkaus on rauhaa ja vapautta, sanoja raiskattuja
on kotini linnaakin komeampi, syd�mesi
on kotisi l�mmin ja lohdullinen, syd�meni
me neroja ollaan, s� tiesitk� sen, me keksimme rakkauden
s� olet maa, m� olen kuu
s� olet kuu, m� olen maa
rakennan sun syd�mmeesi taloa,m� rakastan sua, enemm�n kuin jumalaa
rakennan sun syd�mmeesi taloa, m� rakastan sua, enemm�n kuin jumalaa...
torstai, syyskuu 18, 2003 |
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keskiviikko, syyskuu 17, 2003
I just gave this cutie pie to Eka for weekend about an hour ago.
Argh, how this apartment is full of silence and empty corners without him. All I do is listening Audioslave and watching telly. Yeah, I wrote that waltzh moment ago. Crappy. I say. But mother and co. loved it. Hurray! I should pack, I dont feel like it. Perhaps I just go to sleep indeed early and wake up 7am to pack! Yea? Dunno.
It was strange to eat without Somebody tucking his head in to my meal. God, I miss that piece of suicidal cat's furry ass.
I <3 SOMEBODY!!1
By the way, I was trying to take pictures of myself for webpages and some pics of Somebody, but he was so interested about the camera, and batteries always ran out and so on ... I just got that picture of him with Digi-cam. But just before Eka came to take da camera (and cat) away from my shelter, I upload all the pictures in to my 'puter and found this one:
I was laying on my floor, trying to take a picture of myself. Somebody was walking around but not really near. I remember that I thought I got few good pose of myself, but this one was only one I got uploaded from the camera ... I laughed my ass off few minutes ago when I saw it!
Hahah! I look good. Behind of this furry leg.
keskiviikko, syyskuu 17, 2003 |
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Since I got Eka's digicamera for day I just had to took this kind of picture:
Ha! Just gotta love the hospital look Im having here ... Er reality. Bwaha.
keskiviikko, syyskuu 17, 2003 |
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tiistai, syyskuu 16, 2003
When there's quiet in work... I laugh my ass of!
tiistai, syyskuu 16, 2003 |
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Yesterday was one nice day after all. After work (long long long day) I met Petrus, its been time since we met last time! Nice conversation and chilling at Koulu and then I went to Eka's place. She had a brand new telly, envy!! ;) Huge one! Played some playstation 2 gran thief auto - vice sity. Kicked some serious ass. Petrus came there, cause she needed money for bus and Senni came from university after her late night lectures, what ever. I plugged Eka's eyebrowns. She look fab now! I teached her how to put on some make up and so on. Next week we go for makeup shopping for her. And and...also - We planned loads of things for autumn. Its going to be great. Im happy she's going to get Somebody while Im at north. From wednesday to sunday. Im leaving at thursday and coming back in sunday. Monday is free. Yay. Im not really exited about the fact that wedding is going to be open air party at the yard and its almost winter up there. What shall I wear? Skirt?! Im not even planned the song ready. Shit Im neurvous. We are going to come back with Senni and Tuomas along us at sunday. I miss Somebody allready. Sniffelish. But ...
Boring day at work. Sunny outside, I just want to go walking along the riverside and enjoy the sparkles of the sun. Im feeling ok, extreme tired in all ways. Im having slight j�nnetupentulehdus at my left hand again (same thing at summer, if you remember , even same hand!) ...
Feeling good even thought everything is going quite unwell. I went to get money from cashmachine and it said "Tilill� ei katetta". Hurray. No money 'til 31.9 and my landlord is surely going to lose his mind soon! ;/
Phone is rinning when Im home, at work and where ever I am there is always 1-5 phones ringing!! Im throwing my own to hell soon ... I hate early morning wake up's. Will I ever get use to these ...
Child is screaming like he's tortured or something. Gosh. Hate to listen this. No can do.
tiistai, syyskuu 16, 2003 |
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maanantai, syyskuu 15, 2003
Hienoa - Gynekologimme on 50-vuotias ja pit�� jalassaan converse all starsseja. JA mik� on HIENOINTA! - Huomaan yh� olevani iloinen pienist� pienist� asioista el�m�ss�. Olen kaksi viikkoa k�ytt�nyt liian isoja hanskoja. Sain paketin tumppuja jotka ovat kuin toinen iho. Ja iloitsen niist� suuresti ja nautin enemm�n ty�st�ni. Kaikkea sit�. So sue me.
maanantai, syyskuu 15, 2003 |
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Why does I always forgot to take food to work? Interesting...
There is long long operation going on and that's means boring chilling time for me this time. Sigh. So - more coffee, then a bit more and well ... perhaps few cups more!! Day is grey, my head is having huge wetty cloud above and I wish I could wear pink.
Im glad that I have a Eka who's going to help me with Somebody when I leave to Kajaani for weekend. Now she asked can she take him to her place!! What if Somebody like's Eka's place so much that doesnt want to leave? We havent been apart that long ever again, can cat start to dislike you in 4 days? Is it possible? Hopefully not.
I loved to drive so much in weekend. I fell in this peacefull harmony when I drive and road takes me where ever I want to go. Its my therapy and its my religion - locomotion!
Oh my. Loads of stuff to do! Today I'll meet Petrus and Eka. Tomorrow work again and then I go to band rehersals after it. Then wednesday I have a cello lesson after work. Thursday I leave to Kni. Woah! Gotta clean my place soonish and cuddle my Somebody to death!!11one!!!
maanantai, syyskuu 15, 2003 |
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Work. Mega �ber tiired. Havent got time to sleep just on the road all the time.
Im so going to see David Bowie. Sera has a extra ticket. Oh yesh ...
Thursday, Im waiting for you. I want to hit the road. This town is making me exausted.
Why cant things in life be just nicey and dandy. Well, life is what you make it to be, but ... Seems like Im always screwing it and at the end standing on my feets totally without powers. Will it ever be what it should be? I dont know. Yeah, Im the bad guy mother fucker.
maanantai, syyskuu 15, 2003 |
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perjantai, syyskuu 12, 2003
Tired. Again ;)
Gig went well.
Friday. Night at home, sleep and then tomorrow at homehome and last night at restaurant. Whoah. I'll get da car for one day. Hurray. Perhaps tonight I'll visit at observatory, but possibly not, cause Im way too tired...
I feel calm. I dont really understand why. Im just outside of me, looking inside and thinking - I dont deserve this, this is madness. Things are going to sort out just fine. It makes me calm. I have my thoughts, some little tiny bits of strainght left to gather it inside me. And after long long awhile I truly deeply love to spend time with myself (and Somebody). Thought Im way too lazy to clean my apartment - Shame on me!
perjantai, syyskuu 12, 2003 |
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torstai, syyskuu 11, 2003
My head. My darling little head is about to explode in pieces, but I take big long breaths and dont get angry - away it from me, all the anger and frusturation, dont take it too seriously, Lotta. You dont need those kind of feelings. Still at work, grey sky. Should start to get myself ready for gig soon when Im done with my work. My tummy is aching cause Im so neurvous about all the dancing and stuff, which I havent done in ages. Then after it chill to home.
Hopefully everything goes well. Hopefully.
Goddamn Im neurvous.
And I never want to feel that terror and suffocating fear of losing someone that I felt last night. Also I dont want to see anyone with those kind of scared eyes than Somebody had. It was somehow horrible and its like a sick'o nightmare in my head front of my eyes all the time. Im strong. Yesh.
torstai, syyskuu 11, 2003 |
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Quite a few day I've had. Yesterday long work day and after it I had dance rehersals. Sigh. Then I met Mum and Senni and drove home. It was nicey. When I went to my apartment and as usually said Hi to Somebody ... no answer. No miaw and quick burst of little greyness around me. Purrring. I went around and called him. I turned to see the windows. I live in the third floor. My hyttysverkko was like usually but when I hitted my hand against it I saw that corner was open a bit. My blood turned in to ice. I just took my key and ran out. Somebody is only 5months old and dont even have a tail and never been outside of my apartment before. And I was so scared that I'll find bloody piece of fur which was once my cat. I ran out and after horrible search and panic - there was he. So little, horrified and full of fear in his eyes. He scared me and ran away, but then he realized that it was me and started to scream. I took him into my arms and then those goddamn dogs which where at another side of the park noticed Somebody and one Doberman ran against me and tried to get Somebody who tried to get away from my arms - violently. I ran and was ready to kick every goddamn lattiamoppi away from my feets - ran inside, ran up the stairs - somebody where screaming and tried to get away - hurt me a lot, but who cares. Then I was home. Gave him food. Started to cry hysterically. I have never felt that kind of fear of losing before. I was so "If I find him death - Im done and ready for mentalhospital" ;) But -- Gladly he is ok. He ate, a bit seems that he have hurt his leg, no broken bones as far I can tell and havent found any blood in his pee.
Thank God.
Thank God.
Sigh. Its rainy. Long day at work - again. Then Putket Hehkuu gig and then home to sleep sleep sleep. Im so ... close to end? I want to relax at home. Sleep and watch telly. Thats what I want. Relax.
Someone stabbed and killed Anna Lindh. That unbelievable. I hate how the world turns to this.
torstai, syyskuu 11, 2003 |
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keskiviikko, syyskuu 10, 2003
This is madness. Im tiiired. And very down. But ok.
Didnt really sleep last night.
Keeping saying Im sorry, about why? What have I really done?
Had workday yesterday - nicey one, got out quite quickly. Then met Senni, then Kaisa and folks and we had loads of fun and then Korte after awhile! Went to have a chat to Apteekki, where everything started to go wrong. Childlesly! Im exausted.
Im not a bad person and I've done no wrong, why in earth Im sorry about everything all the time then?
Im so exausted.
When you hurt someone and you dont mean that. When you are just too good and feel sorry about everything. Im so tired. And now Im being punished, in hard way. Very very hard. I ... dont want this in my life. I dont want to be scared anymore. Sigh.
keskiviikko, syyskuu 10, 2003 |
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tiistai, syyskuu 09, 2003
Sunny, yesterday my life was fill with rain ... Its so summerish outside! And Im at work - whiney! But no need to worry, I'll almost free already. Yesh. LATERS have sooo much to tell ya!
tiistai, syyskuu 09, 2003 |
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lauantai, syyskuu 06, 2003
Oh oo...Im tired. I feel like I could close my eyes and sleep forever. And I've almost done that - hela dagen have been sunny and what have I dont - slept, watched telly half asleep or tried to get sleep. Oh I also cooked and ate, but mostly just tired hanging around. Now I put sauna on and I start to get ready for work. Then few hours of sleep after it and Jukka come to pick me up at 7.45 and we drive madly to Wasa! The place where we shoot is almost next to place where bomb where yesterday! Woah, people are grazy. Yesterday we had Pirkko's byebye-party, quite fun. Before it I was at Putki rehersals and it was amazing how your muscle memory works after ages without no musical steps...Gaah. My brains are not working. But later on darlings...
lauantai, syyskuu 06, 2003 |
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perjantai, syyskuu 05, 2003
 I am a Defender-ship.
I am fiercely protective of my friends and loved ones, and unforgiving of any who would hurt them. Speed and foresight are my strengths, at the cost of a little clumsiness. I'm most comfortable with a few friends, but sometimes particularly enjoy spending time in larger groups. What Video Game Character Are You?
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perjantai, syyskuu 05, 2003 |
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Oh yesh, at work again. I'll have long day ahead of me today. Im already, even thought its still morning, death tired and having a slight headache cause I saw strange dreams and I've kept jewing my teeths sore all night long. Hur s�? Dunno. Anyway ... First, long day at work, then rehersals for next weeks "putket hehkuu" concert gig and then Pirkko's byebye-party. Tomorrow I'll sleep until I dont feel like laying around and then work at Kaivo from 23-04. Then home and few hours of sleep cause we leave to Wasa with Jukka about 8 o'clock at the sunday morning. What a weekend I'll have ... I look quite tired, so I need my saturday sleep. Also I need to figure out which clothes I'll carry with me to wasa. I'll take loads of diferent kind of sets.
Sunny and warm outside. I feel like I could close my eyes and fall asleep asap right here right now. I dont know where this horrible tiredness come froM! I've gain some fat at work in this first week ... also Im just totally puffed cause of perioids and wrong kind of food, but still ... GOSH. I need to do this two days diet I want to look slim and nice at the video!
How narsistic of me.
Our anestesia doctor is listening Bj�rk's (again and again ... everyday same thing) Pagan poetry at his office next to me. Interesting.
perjantai, syyskuu 05, 2003 |
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keskiviikko, syyskuu 03, 2003
IM SO EXITED! About the trip to Wasa in sunday for music video shoot. Im paniced about the clothing and other things, but Senni will give me beautiful trouses and I have clothes - but the decition - what to wear...argh. We'll see!
keskiviikko, syyskuu 03, 2003 |
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tiistai, syyskuu 02, 2003
Home. Im so done. On my way to work. I afraid to wake up to another day, cause Im so tired to fight.
And note : This is what I feel now. Tomorrow can be another day. Dont take anything in this blog too seriously, please? Im such a Drama Queen when Im all alone at the empty apartment in small closet and cat ate my sandwish.
tiistai, syyskuu 02, 2003 |
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V�synyt. T�iss�. Ulkona paistaa aurinko. En haluaisi poistua sairaalalta, koska tykk��n tehd� t�it�. Kaipaan my�s siksi ravintolaan, koska rakastin tehd� hulluja pitki� ty�vuoroja. Olo jokseenkin tyhj�, pit�� alkaa todellakin mietti� mit� kirjoitan t�nne. Se, ett� olen 4v valittanut tai hypett�nyt t�nne on aiheuttanut monen monta kertaa jonkunmoisia ongelmia...Yst�v�t huolestuu purkauksistani liikaa, joku ottaa nen��ns� jostain huomautuksesta tai vitsist�. Tai ihan mit� vaan. Niin herk�sti ... Kun toisaalta en sitten ota vastuuta siit�, ett� t�t� oikeasti lukee joku. Puran brainstormia tai jotain paskaa vaan koska haluan whinet�. Tai hypett��. Tai en mit��n, ei ole vain parempaa tekemist�. Nyt sitten taas sellaisessa tilanteessa jossa kotisivuni ovat aiheuttaneet hirveesti ongelmia. Ohhoijaa. Yksi ihminen on syd�njuuriaan my�ten loukkaantunut.
Ja vituttaa. Ottaa p��h�n. Ja en saa taas yhteytt� ja toisaalta, what ever. Kyll� kaikki jotka mut tuntee kunnolla tiet�� mit� paskaa t�nne puran ...
T��ll� on j�nn� olla t�iss�. Pomoni sanoi, ett� varaudu olevas parin kolmen viikon p��st� henkisesti aivan rikki. Sit� tekee t�it�, on t��ll� ihan neutraali ja kun menee ovesta ulos tulee ihan l�ys� olo. Tuntuu ett� miettii liikaa. Toisaalta, tuntuu, ett� mik��n oma ongelma ei ole mit��n. Tai siis, mitk� ongelmat? Do I have any? Duh! Mutta joo.
No el�m� on siirtymist� kriisist� kriisiin ... Onneksi on pehme� kissa. Sello-ope eilen laittoi kun oltiin kevolassa (on ihana tunne maata makuualustalla, t�ydellinen kristallinen sanoinkuvaamattoman upea t�htitaivas ylh��ll�, kaksi kamua siin� vieress�, naurua ja sitten k�nnykk� s�r�ht�� rintataskussa ... paluu maailmaan.) viesti�, ett� on t�ysi ty�llistetty jonkun musikaalin kanssa, mutta pian on aikaa ja sitten voidaan l�yt�� v�li sellotunneilleni ... huisaa.
Sisko flunssassa vaikka h�nell� oli enemm�n vaatteita kevolassa kuin minulla.
Oli kiva n�hd� vanhoja torniyst�vi� piiiitk�st� aikaa! Ihanaa. En en�� jaksa juosta el�m�ss�, palaan niihin kauniisiin asioihin jotka ovat aina olleet turvani. Perheen pariin. Oli ihana menn� tornille, nauraa itsens� kipeeksi jengin seurassa jotka ovat tunteneet mut jostain kun olin nyytti ... 8) Ja sit� rentoutuu. Kauhean duunin j�lkeen ihan rento.
Mutta joo. Haluaisin kuulla jonkun syd�mmen ly�ntej�. Sulkea silm�t ja olla. Olen kuoleman v�sy...
tiistai, syyskuu 02, 2003 |
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maanantai, syyskuu 01, 2003
This is my first day and its went past quite fast. Im still at work, but having a fifth coffee brake. Blood and bones, yeah Gotta love it ;)
Im going to have day trip to Wasa next sunday to shoot Sorb-i-tol's music video, or our part of it exactly...Gosh, play rockstar for day!
maanantai, syyskuu 01, 2003 |
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I feel like a feather. Someone could just blow me on the floor. Empty day full of tv. Should go to sleep but Im addicted to Jarod which is on now ...
maanantai, syyskuu 01, 2003 |
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