sunnuntai, elokuu 31, 2003

I feel hungry all the time. Gaah. And tired. Went to sleep like 7am and then woke up death tired 1am. Few hours of idling while watching telly and drinking morning coffee and I took the car and drove it to summerhourse. Then went to store to get something to eat and forgot to buy everything I needed (Gladly I didnt forgot coffee!) like noodles and potato ships! Shame on me. Then I should have met Serafina today cause she had birthday, but she forgot that she wanted to meet me and just as I was hopping death tiredly in the bus she anounced me an hour ago that she is going out to see movie with his boyfriend and just _forgot_ that she was meeting me. Yay. Didnt meet Mikko either. Then I was just too tired. I sat at sofa, cat on my lap, eyes are extreme heavy and toughts are circling around. This week was a hell of a week. Too much in it. And so many big desitions I've done while living it. Sigh. I just want to stare telly. Sleep early cause I have early morning tomorrow! First real work day ahead. GAaaH Im neurvous!
sunnuntai, elokuu 31, 2003 | | |

lauantai, elokuu 30, 2003

Zzz. Im tired. Watch out we are rhythm bandits woo...
That song makes me grazy. Yay! I get da car tonight! Pentti borrow me his old new tercel darling and which means I have my own time. My work starts at 11pm and last 'til 4am. Then home to sleep and I need to return da car at sunday afternoon. Before work I'll meet Epa at Cosmic possibly. I miss her so so so so so so. She just called me and asked me to come to have coffee before I go to work. Nicey poo.
Mum and Pentti are on their way here and mum will do the dishes. Great, cause I cant! My hand is unable to move. Im quite neurvous how I'll handle the car with it, but I dont have to lift my hand in any way, so Im sure I'll make it.
Thursday was exausting day. Hand was achy and everything was under uncontrol. Gladly at night I relaxed and slept quite well. Yaah! Cup of coffee and Extreme work to get myself awake. I have a first REAL work day at the hospital at monday and ... Well I love to get new stuff to learn.
lauantai, elokuu 30, 2003 | | |

perjantai, elokuu 29, 2003

Gaah. Tummy is messed up by medicines I suppose so...First work day, I didnt really do anything, they just showed me da places and so on. Nice to be working in swedish hospital, when you dont really speak swedish. Ha. Funny. But I start to like the idea of working here. Never have to think about your look like in restaurant, just put hospital clothes on, that horrible paper hat and look like I've jumped out from ER tv-series...I use Spiritus fortis as I clean. Bwaha. And my work partners are great personalities so it seems. Loads of laugh around the house!
Gosh, I try to get myself awake. Slept little nap, now soon to shower and towards Naantali. Suurl�hettil��t at kaivohuone, which means loads of work. Hand is aching, but better all the time, I quess!
Hopefully I'll survive. Of course I will. Duh.
perjantai, elokuu 29, 2003 | | |

Good morning. Slept oki. Im glad I got some serious sleep, they gave me such a good painkillers. Thought Im angry to myself. Why in earth I fall on my right hand, left hand would have been much better...I cannot do anything, not even the dishes and smell in my apartmen is afwul! ;) And today Im starting a new work at hospital ... this is horrible - I want to go! I felt horrible pain yesterday and then later on I dicided that I really need to see a doctor. I got a lift to Lieto to the hospital and met doctor who just wrote me heavy painkillers and sick off! BUT! I cannot keep 'em! I just cant. Its first day of my new work and I will not go there with passing my boss a paper which have "Sick leave" on it. And restaurant work tonight and tomorrow night. Tomi would eat his boald head if I go and say that Im not going to come. 8)
perjantai, elokuu 29, 2003 | | |

torstai, elokuu 28, 2003

my rhgt hand is not waokring at all. writing is difficult and painfull. fuck.
torstai, elokuu 28, 2003 | | |

tiistai, elokuu 26, 2003

Hell. I was waiting a car at the bus stop and one old man (around his 70's or something.) came around and started to chat with me. He was tiny and seemed like every goddamn old granpa around the city. First shit chat and then "Well Im going to take a taxi to home. Could you come with me?" I was like hell no, Im going home with the bus. Then he was "I can pay 200e to you to do _that_ for me..." I just stared him cause I didnt believe what he was saying. He tried to convinse me to come with him, but I was cold and angry and told him big "NO FUCKING WAY!"... "Well G'day to you young lady and I hope you a great happiness in life..." and then he went away.
What is wrong in this world.
Im not even cheap looking or anything.
Hell. Jos olisi ollut nuorempi olisi saanut tuta Ninja potkujani. Kiaah!
These days porno is rolling around the streets and people are much open to get laid, even so low than this old man did. Sick shit. Roar.
tiistai, elokuu 26, 2003 | | |

I just _had_ to do something with a twist of humor! So its half was four am and Im still awake. Shame on me.
PUOLI VIISI - ja hereill�.
Mutta ei koskaan mit��n syyt� menn� nukkumaan. Ei odotettavaa. Ei menetett�v��. Kuulostaapa s��litt�v�lt�, pist�k�� v�symyksen piikkiin. Tajusin juuri olevani j�rjett�m�n v�synyt. Unta.
tiistai, elokuu 26, 2003 | | |

I found my old old old webpages from internet. I had those in 98-99. Gsus what did wrote about myself back then! Pages full of details and bable. Now my pages have nothing. No huge link pages or anything. Nothing really. I had these open way of let myself go via homepage and let everyone know "everything" in a way. I wanted to made myself up or something? Dunno.
"I dont want to be the most perfect person who walks on earth. If some day I notice that I am, I'll blow my head off. I dont demand anything more than respect from others. It's all."
Buah.
This one is also quite interesting:"I fall in love many times in a month, but not in *romantic* way. I just fall in some new person, human, music, voice, material, beat ... I experience / sense everything strangely, with every nerve. I know I'll believe in love someday. In relationships the only thing that human needs is deep friendship. It's all. I try to life my own way, the easiest/hardest way. ^_^ "
Buah?!
GOSH! Check these out. My old *sob* sentimental pages...
Hum. Im tired of this layot. Gotta figure out something new huh!
tiistai, elokuu 26, 2003 | | |

Me and my sister are chatting. Grazy talkin' yo. ;) Via ICQ. We are tired. She's "Oola". Im Genoveva

Genoveva (11:44 PM) :
mit�s s� netiss� istut �mm�
Genoveva (11:44 PM) :
s�in just pussillisen sipsej� ja pussillisen karkkia. aika huono olo.
Oolatus (11:45 PM) :
ohoh, mieki napsin monta namua ja tuli niist�kin jo paska olo
Genoveva (11:45 PM) :
joo.
OON BULIMIKKO APUA AMBULANSSI POLIISI JA PUTKIHUOLTO
Genoveva (11:46 PM) :
No ei kai en oo.
Enh�n?
Mm?
Hj�lp?
Oolatus (11:47 PM) :
et jos et oksenna
Genoveva (11:52 PM) :
No en.

Genoveva (11:58 PM) :
Jos Nobody oli englantilais aristokraatti joka poltteli piippua ja sanoi hienostuneesti "G'day milady", Somebody on jalkapallo fanaatikko Oe mate, shall vi gou to pap to get paint!
Oolatus (11:58 PM) : :D totta

We where talking our (RIP) Maisu and my good old cat Nobody. Double 0 seven loves the lady LOL!
tiistai, elokuu 26, 2003 | | |

maanantai, elokuu 25, 2003

FUCK IT! Two things are sex feet under now. First Maisu dear and then my car after two weeks of owning it. Now Im carless. Which means - it took away my freedom. Freedom to go from spot A to B. I felt so great behind the weel. Driving. Now I have to carry my 9kg cello on my back to cellolessons which makes this achy body already whine. Also what about my work at Naantali. I hate to think that I have to whine to get a lift from Tomi or someone. I think I'll borrow my granparents car for weekend.
When I heard that its done with the mazda I just crashed. All the things I've kept inside these weeks came out and I was like a mad man. Mum just watch when I screamed, cried and whined. Also laughed a bit while my sarcasm came on "I didnt cry when Maisu died and now I cry cause of the car"...
Im silly piece of shit.
Tuli aika vy�ry. �iti katsoi vieress� toivottomana kun jostain kuului naps ja sitten l�hti. Huusin, raivosin, itkin. Pettymys ja suru (Tuo auto ollut alla sent��n niin pitk��n kun muistan lapsesta.) ja vitutus l�i kaikki patoutuneet m�mm�t pintaan. Raivosin kuin p��ni menett�nyt. �iti sanoi jotain ja raivosin viel� lis��. Itkin kuin lapseni menett�nyt. En itkenyt kun Maisu l�hti. Nyt itkin sitten. Hah. Ottaa megalomaanisesti p��h�n. Nyt olisi ihana saada olla jonkun vieress�. �iti sanoi, ett� miksi sitten kun hermostun repe�n t�ydellisesti. Se ruokki kaikkea "Mit� kaikilla on aina sanomaan mit� min� tunnen! MIKSI EN SAA IKIN� SURRA MIT��N!!!11" (mik� pit�� t�ysin paikkaansa.) ja kaikki mahdolliset tunne skaalat ja antipatiat r�j�hti kerrasta pintaan. Raivokasta. Olen aivan kuitti nyt. Aivan tyhj�. Aivan p�� py�r�ll�. Miksi suljen itseni niin ei tulisi t�ll�isi� "Huudan ilmaa huitoen itkien t�ydellisen kaaoksen vallitessa"-kohtauksia...
Ostin sipsej� ja pullon olutta. Ajattelin katsoa elokuvan ja yritt�� unohtaa t�t� p��n suonissa tykytt�v�� vitutusta.
Yeah baby, liar liar on the telly!
maanantai, elokuu 25, 2003 | | |

I just want to buy new stuff for myself. Never eat, never pay the rent. Never live like I should! No no no...Im to-ta-lly kidding while my kitten is trying suicide. Waiting Pentti to fix my car. Hurray to oil!
maanantai, elokuu 25, 2003 | | |

Jou. V�sy. Her�ilen. Ker�ilen. Itse�ni.
Nojoo - komia p�iv� n�ytt�isi olevan, hitto vie kun en voi ottaa autoa ja k�yd� postissa. Eilen k�v�isin saunassa ja sen j�lkeen laitoin v�h�n kuteita p��lle ja hipsin Ekan luokse h�meenkadulle viem��n tuon ah niin kuuluisan charlies angels wannabe kuvan h�nelle. Sit k�v�isin Pirkon kanssa kahvilla koulussa. Sain h�lt� surullisen aaveen kopiot. Auto rytisi. J��hdyttimen moottori tai sitten jotain muuta. Kun k�det ristiss� jumalaa rukoillen "Let me get home savely!" ajeskelin auto avemariaa huutaen meinasi kyll� pelottaa. P��sin kotiin asti. Vsuon kohdalla nosti moottorin l�mp�j� ja koti pihaan kurvatessa ei viel� ollut keitt�nyt yli mutta h�yrysi jo. Huraa. T�n��n Pena tulee korjaan. Huraa.
Tuire soitti. About my new work place. I'll go to find out what is it at friday. I'll have long day cause I'll go to hospital at 11am to 5pm. Then I'll have to be at the Kaivohuone selling tickets at 9pm to 4am. Zzzz. But If I do the friday in hospital, I'll get my dad's wedding day off. So! My days are like this : Mondays free (not the first one). Tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday and I have work couple so I can decide which shift I do. 8-16? 9-17? 10-18? Sounds good. Im glad that 12-20 shift is out from this plans for now. Im exited. After Xmas I possibly get 8h days and more stuff to do. So for now I'll be only at Leikkaussali. Dont get yaself hurt, I'll be there.
maanantai, elokuu 25, 2003 | | |

sunnuntai, elokuu 24, 2003

I hate sundays.
I JUST GODDAMN HATE SUNDAYS!
ARGH!
Slept til 4pm or something like that. Got up from the bed, made some coffee and since then I've been sitting front of telly watching formula1 and stuff like that. I should put some clothes on and drive to store to get something to eat. I desire for junk food - pizza, potato ships, chocolate, beer, candy ... I want to eat and feel bad about myself ;) No not really. I just feel like sunday. Grey and empty. Nothing to do, which is quite ok, Im tired of running around.

I have this huge sentimental melancholy inside me in sundays. After work night, dizzy people, loud music. Drove home when city was death, too fast. Glad I didnt meet any police car.

Mik� minusta tulee isona?
Minusta ei tule ikin� isoa. Olen 153cm lopun el�m��ni, komeilla seksikk�ill� korkkareilla on helppo huijata, mutta mutta ...
Haluan alkaa lopulta el�� omaa el�m��ni. Mik�h�n on, etten osaa. Miksi annan niin monelle ihmiselle tilaa vaikuttaa niin, ett� olen jumissa enk� jaksa yritt�� sinnistell� ollakseni Min�? Olen pirun t�ynn� voimaa jota en uskalla tahi jaksa k�ytt��. Seison sanojeni edess� ja takana, mutta en uskalla tehd� unelmieni eteen mit��n ja pahoittelen aina jos joku loukkaantuu p��t�ksist�, jotka olen ylpe�n� aluksi p��tt�nyt. Er��ll� tapaa jostain syv�lt� l�htee perisuomalainen savolainen huuto "PErrrrkele!!1". Eih�n kell��n ole mit��n oikeutta vihata minua p��t�ksieni takia? Olen itse oman el�m�ni el�j� ja silti yrit�n vain tehd� muut onnelliseksi. Empaattisuudellakin on omat rajansa. Onhan? Kissani takatassut ovat valtavat ja h�n on upean suloinen liian ter�vill� kynsill�. Viel� yksi kissa ja koira niin ei tarvita kuin mies ja lapsi niin avot! ;)
Olen kyll�stynyt pit�m��n itsest�ni huolta. Olen kyll�stynyt pit�m��n kaikista huolta. J�rkytt�v�� valitusta, n�in j�lkeen p�in luettuna, minus mega whine saatte vain pohdiskelevaa bablea.

Kun kyll�styy siihen, ett� aina pit�� etsi� jotain uutta. Sit� vain sulkeutuu ja ei jaksa en�� yritt��. On jotenkin vain uupunut siihen tosiasiaan, ett� asiat ovat n�in. Ei mussa mit��n hyv�� oo (Laulaa Scandinavian music group taustalla. Ah mit� ihastuttavaa itsens� lamaannuttamista!) ...
Kissa hellyyden kipe�. Pit�isi ottaa auto ja l�hte� ajelemaan. Tankata, tehd� muutama puhelu. Kuka hereill�? Minne menn��n. Moottoritie on kuuma, niin min�kin. Bwahah.
Miksi kaikesta tehd��n niin vakavaa? Sit� itsekkin ajautuu sitten pohjattoman vakavuuden ja kivettymisen leiriin jossa kasvot vakavina ny�kk�ilee el�m�lle ja miettii mit� voisi tehd� toisin? Miksi miksi miksi. Min� min� min�.
!!
Kun en voi jatkaa n�in. En vain en�� voi. Ne jotka minut parhaiten tuntee, tiet�v�t varmaan mist� puhun. En voi en�� jatkaa n�in. Rakastan el�m��ni, rakastan ravintolaty�t�, ty�ymp�rist��, uusi duuni alkamassa ja sit� odotellen turhautuneena ty�tt�m�n p�ivi� el�n. Rakastan kissaani, asuntoani, yst�vi�ni, perhett�ni. Selloani, musiikkiani. Mutta haluan el�� rehellisesti. Haluan lopettaa n�yttelemisen ja olla hyssyttelem�tt� koko ajan. Haluan jumalauta k�ytt�� voimani muuhun kuin odottamiseen, jota olen tehnyt niin monta vuotta. Odottanut. Mit�? Parempaa el�m��? Sit�, ettei en�� tarvitsisi n�ytell�. Mit� olen oikein yritt�nyt itselleni sanoa? Ei ole ollut parempaakaan vaihtoehtoa tiedossa, joten sit� vain on ollut. Tottunut siihen, ett� on varpaillaan ja sattuu.
Olen tavannut el�m�ss�ni upeita ihmisi�. Er�s ihminen sanoi minulle joskus vuosi sitten, ett� haluaisi pit�� minusta huolta vaikka tiet��, ett� pystyn pit�m��n itsest�ni huolta. Haluaisi vain helpottaa itsep�ist� itsen�isyytt�ni. En muista tarkalleen, mit� h�n sen j�lkeen sanoi. Toivottavasti h�nell� menee nyt hyvin. Toivottavasti h�n muistaa minua.
Olin silloin allerginen pettymyksille. Annoin itseni petty�. Tuntui kurjalle. Tiesin kyll� mit� tulee tapahtumaan. Kai sit� yritti vain el�� hetken sit�, mit� halusi, kun tiesi, ettei sit� lopulta saisi.
Epa yritti soittaa. On varmaan palannut reissusta. I've missed her so fucking much. IHANAA. Vois illalla tavata h�net jos h�n on wapaa. Ik�v� omaa siskokettani. <3
Kissa syliss�. Kylm� kahvi kaunistaa, mutta ei sek��n ihmeit� tee. Nyt vaatetta p��lle......AAaadjhagb AUUU kissa tippu sylist� ja tarttui kynsill� jalkoihin!!1 AIKA EROTIIKANTAPPAJA HAAVAT AUUUUU...AI ai ai ai saatana. Verta verta! Onneksi kes�n hamekausi on ohi...
Pit�� l�hte� kauppaan. Tai pit�� ja pit��...Voi t�t� sunnuntaita.
sunnuntai, elokuu 24, 2003 | | |

lauantai, elokuu 23, 2003

I just added new poetry online. Some crap I've wrote in 2002-03. You can find those here!
lauantai, elokuu 23, 2003 | | |

Kissa piti heireill�. Tuli hellim��n, niin jouduin her��m��n ja pakenemaan kynsi�. Her�sin ennen kahta is�ni puhelin soittoon. Oli n�k�j��n yritt�nyt soittaa aikaisemminkin, mutta mutta. Sit bablea v�h�n aikaa ja laitoin kahvia. Nyt koneella. Ja v�sy tekee rankkaa come backi�.

Eilen tapasin Tuuliaa. Jennaa. Jenna on pariin otteeseen ollut poikayst�v�ns� kanssa kaivohuoneella niin, ett� min� olen ollut siell� t�iss�. Ekalla kerralla sain hyv�t tipit ja nyt viime kerralla olivat jo ennen siell� kun min� tulin paikalle t�ihin. No, sitten olivat jossain vaiheessa saaneet kunnon perheriidan aikaiseksi, Jenna oli kaatanut vedet kundin syliin ja poistunut paikalta. Autolla. Selv�n�. Hurray. Ja syy riitaan - min�. Poika oli alkanut kyseleen liikaa el�m�st�ni ja kaikesta joka minuun liittyy, eih�n Jenna minua tunne, oh what kind of chaos you can have kun olet mustasukkainen! Eli eli eilinen Jennan k�sky oli, ett� jos se sen nykyinen ex lipuu t�n��n paikalle (en edes muista milt� n�ytt��.) niin pit�� soittaa. Tuskinpa. Ohhoijaa, kaikkea sit� suomenkokoisessa maassa ...

S�� on passelin oloisa. T�ihin illalla. Jos luoja suo, auto kest��. Tapasin eilen Tuulian vilaukselta. Puhelin soi koko p�iv�n, olin raisiossa runkkaamassa autoa kokoon niin piipitti taukoamatta, kunnes Ukki ja Mummi sai s�tkyn ja pakottivat laittaa ��nett�m�lle. No Jere, Iina, Is�, Pirkko etc yrittiv�t soittaa ja tekstailivat. On se kumma, p�ivi� niin ettei kukaan soita ja huomioi, sitten kaikki ottaa yhteytt� kerralla.

Olo nuutunut. Ne p�iv�t. Hiiidaastaa. K�velen ymp�riins� kuin Ozzy Osbourne. ;)

Mik� minussa vieh�tt�� niin, ett� minua haluaa niin aina n�hd�? Joskus vaan ihmettelen ... Ei niin, ett� t�m� olisi "I HATe MySeLf" angstia tai muuta. Monesti minusta tulee vaan niin vahva osa joidenkin ihmisten el�m��, ett� en pysty kantamaan sellaisia vastuita.

Eilen oli outo y�. ��rimm�isen v�syneen�, silm�t kipein� vain s��din kuvaa likoille. Sitten menin nukkumaan ja nukahdin kyll� verkkaasti. Mietin vain syntyj� syvi�. Mist� rahaa vuokraan? Miten p�rj��n uudessa ty�st� jonka ty�kuvasta ei ole mink��nlaista tarkkaa havaintoa? J�nnitt�v�� ja ��rimm�isen innostavaa oppia uusia asioita. Riitt��k� aika sello-opinnoille? Saanko velkani maksettua? Millaisen s�keist�n kirjoitain is�ni h��valssiin? Mit� puen sinne p��lle? Mill� edes menen sinne? Surin kaivohuoneen t�iden v�henemist�. V�hiin k�y ennen kuin t�ysin loppuu. Mietiskelin ja pohdiskelin ihmisi�. Tein stradegioita joita en pysty koskaan toteuttamaan, koska yst�v�t hyv�t, Olen k�si.

Pit�isi tiskata ja siivota keitti�. Olo l�ys��-�h. Toivottavasti saisin t�n��n tippi�.
lauantai, elokuu 23, 2003 | | |

So ... this is what we did together last night.

lauantai, elokuu 23, 2003 | | |

perjantai, elokuu 22, 2003

Awake. Half. Waiting for coffee. Tired - but its all my fault. I dont want to do anything today. Perhaps I just stay home, drive to prisma to get some good to eat and lazy around all day? Dunno ...
perjantai, elokuu 22, 2003 | | |

perjantai, elokuu 22, 2003 | | |

You'll see later today what we have been up all night. Haha. After movie we took long long long walk and talked a lot of deep things. Helped a lot. Many things came out from mind to work on the table. After that we came back, I put everyone including me pretty as hell. Then we took Eka's digital camera and found some black to wear from Senni's closet - Ready for action, babes! Took some very good charlie's angels wannabe pictures. Hahahah. A bit tired. I download pictures from camera, send 'em to my email box and drive home to catch some sleep. I whine about not having work tonight. Perhaps I meet Sirre later or Pirkko? Havent met bouth in ages. At noon I'll get my car stereos (finally, hopefully!) and put some more water in that bloody system of my car. Im so neurvous with it now, hopefully it wont turn me down!!

Im glad I have these girls in my life still. Eka have been in our life 7years ... from the days we first walked into observatory years back. Since that we have been tough trio!!! And all those things that we have lived together trought these years. Gee ... Today while we walked and talked I cleared my head a lot. Things I havent done and things I have to do. What I want in my life? I know, but its always not so easy to go towards it. I want to live. I want to be myself, cause I love me. I dont want to keep my secret wounds inside me no more. I want to be me.

And I know that of course I am me, but - really. Its hard to write it down. Perhaps most important thing is that I know it. Tehee.
Should I move out from this country?
I want to stay in Littoinen now. I have most amazing beautiful home which I love to death. I have amazing cat which I love deeply. I have my family here. I dont want to go to north to live cause even thought I love everyone there and I long there for 24/7 it would kill me. I know it.

Things I want to be in future is to do things I've dreamed of. Get a family. Do music. Enjoy all these little things in my life. I dont want to let anyone push me down no more!

I need to respect myself more. Night chat is on telly, Senni is getting ready for work and we have much laugh around. Ooh those pictures are ready - laters...
perjantai, elokuu 22, 2003 | | |

I LOVE MY NEW HAIR!
perjantai, elokuu 22, 2003 | | |

At my sis. Eka is here also. We just watched charlie's angels 1 and it was grrreeeaat!11 Very entertaining! We have this girl friend trio too and we started to think that which "angel" one of us is...Im who is played by drew barrymore, Senni is one played by Cameron Diaz and Eka is the one who's Lusy Liu! Yeah rrright, haha. Now more movies. I have this little blue mood inside me, Im so empatic person that everything that someone close me is feeling - I get. And ... Oh well. Hopefully Im not doing anything bad to anyone. Twiggy Twiggy...
perjantai, elokuu 22, 2003 | | |

torstai, elokuu 21, 2003

I CANT write those in finnish! I've try for many nights and its just ... we made this songs for this lyrics. All these melodies are created to carry these feelings around. And now he said that well write 'em to finnish! No hell! No no no.
I should go to sleep
nothing better to do
I know I need someone to touch
Im too tough piece to bite
I have so much love
But I never use it right

It was wrong when I tried to be strong
Now I learn how to be weak
Too tired to rock
Too young to die
sick of this seek 'n hide

Backscene picture of my personal act
Scream behind well painted mask
Too tired to rock
Too young to die
sick of this seek 'n hide
This is one clip of song I should turn into finnish. Im not going to do that. Im going to publish these in english no matter what. Or then we just play those in gigs. Finnish blues is hard to do, but I got major idea while ago front of this darn computer. I have this old old old old old song/poem of mine called "hell�". Its was blues from start but I tried to make its artsy jazz! Now I hear it in my head with horny horns and oh GOD its going to be great. Sis, if ya read this, ya know whatcha Im talkin' 'bout! Duh! You know da song, rrright mi gansta sistah? ;) Yes yes. But now - Where did this inspiration came from? Mm...now I go to drink tea and finnish few songs for sorb-i-tol. Maybe I have too much in my head and its bursting out once I opened my mind for ideas.
torstai, elokuu 21, 2003 | | |

Somebody is running around the apartment madly. My car left me poorly. That golden feary is piece of shit! ;) Well, I'll get it back tomorrow and after it I'll drive around da town happily ever after.

I have paper work to do but look - Im sitting here. Head full of thoughs and I try to put 'em on words, but not really getting anywhere. I try to write my english blues songs to finnish, but ... its madness. Gotta go to sleep?
torstai, elokuu 21, 2003 | | |

keskiviikko, elokuu 20, 2003

I've been cleaning this apartment for few days. Well, it looked like I've drop a bomb in to it ... Now looking fab, new carpet, new table. Clean and dandy.

Tired. I've spend nights driving my car and days running around. Its rainy day, cat is sleeping, I've ran out of coffee. Petrus is coming to meet me (after awhile) at 16.30 and I hope he is sappy a bit! He's just a drama queen but what can you do...lets get happy and lets be gay.

Im waiting for saturday. Im sick of being home I wanna go to work. Monday was perfect, driving around with Senni and Eka. Northern lights and warm thoughs via mobilephone. Tomorrow I have a hairdressing - new color and cut! Yay.

I got phonecall today from Kaisa which I met by Epa. I was in band called amores apulentis (or something like that) at last Xmas and we sang medieval Xmas songs at marketplace and so on. She called me and asked me to be second singer in Xmas-jazz band!! Im wordless. Its will be fun, of course I'll do it. Money and joy. I love jazz and I love the idea of two woman - soprano and me with much lower voice. Talented players and so on. We have to start rehersals now. Im totally in, if I have time.

Why does I made my life busy again. Its me. I love to spend time alone with myself but Im feeling .... hectic? I need to be on the move all the time! I dont want to think. If I think its going to blew my mind. Naah ...

Stupid survey!

AGE:
not that old, old enough.

WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Cocco - Kemonomichi

LAST THING YOU SAID?
"...somebody - Stop!"

WHAT IS SITTING NEXT TO YOU RIGHT NOW?
pile of bills and book shelfs full of used empty cups and mugs.

LAST THING YOU ATE?
I ate few slide of bread yesterday.

WHO DO YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH?
i dont know. With somebody.

WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO ON YOUR HONEYMOON?
Japan or scotland. If Im outta of money trip across the finnish archipelago sounds just fine too.

FIRST DAUGHTERS NAME?
N/a

FIRST SONS NAME?
Cat called Nobody.

WHO DO YOU ADMIRE?
Huge bunch of creative and dear personalities I have inside my life. Love 'em to death.

WHO MAKES YOU HAPPY?
Close people. Bj?rk's music. Work nights. Everything inspiring.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?
Drive around without any plans where to go.

WHAT DID YOU DO YESTERDAY?
Sunday, bloody Sunday. Visit Mom, came home, drove around and came home to watch telly 'til I falled asleep.

WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO?

my sister.

WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
huge ships.

DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS OR GLASSES?

Both.

EYE COLOUR?
Green, grey, blue.

HAIR COLOUR?
Blond.

HEIGHT?
153cm

WEIGHT?
53kg

DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF?
Yes. From time to time more or less ;)

IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOURSELF WHAT WOULD IT BE?
I could get back my higher levels of singing voice.

SIBLINGS?
Identical twin sister Senni - One minute younger. And step-daughter Emmi 11 years old piece of chaos.

CAREER?
Extra in the restaurant.

GOING TO UNIVERSITY?
Well see about that...

WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF 10 YEARS DOWN THE ROAD?
On the road. Creative musician and doing art, hopefully with kids and perhaps a own music bar just opened...

HAVE YOU EVER...
LOVED SOMEBODY SO MUCH IT MADE YOU CRY?
Snif.

DRANK ALCOHOL?
Bwahah.

SMOKED?
Bwahah.

TAKEN DRUGS?
My middlename is ms. Sin. ;) Naah.

BROKEN THE LAW?
Yeah, last time yesterday. Its so easy when your only driver at motorway - speed ... aaah.

BROKEN A BONE?
Nah.

CHEATED ON A TEST?
I bet!

PLAYED TRUTH OR DARE?
Like hundred times!

KISSED SOMEONE YOU DIDN'T KNOW?
Yeah!

BEEN IN A PHYSICAL FIGHT?
Im such a hard ass mother fucker yeah baby Yeah!

RODE IN A POLICE CAR?
Heh, yeah. :P

COME CLOSE TO DYING.
Nope. I Quess.

BEEN IN A SAUNA?
HEY! I live in Finland ... We like sleep and eat in a sauna. ;)

BEEN IN A HOT TUB?
Sigh. Yeah. Not too often thought, cause I dont have one anymore.

SWAM IN THE OCEAN?
Yeah.

SCARS?
Many.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT?
ABORTION:
Its ones own choise!!!!!1

COUNTRY MUSIC:
Stand by your man is only I like a lot. Anything all - I dislike it. I love to do blues version from stand by your man...

SOAP OPERAS:
Like harlekin books. And those books are much better. I dont watch any soap operas. I hear every little detail from my friends who are addicted.

AIRPLANES:
I love 'em. Never really got a change to fly fly ...

AMUSEMENT PARKS:
I LOVE THOSE! Never been in Linnanm?ki thought and it's been ages since I was in real amusement park. Best one was in G?teborg!

WHAT IS...
YOUR GOOD LUCK CHARM:
mm. Dunno. I had these things but none of right now. Maybe my ring?

STUPIDIST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE:
Hated myself.

DO YOU HAVE A LAVA LAMP?
Right next to me ... I bought it from Petrus who needed money for Camera. Its cool real retro matmos thingie. Just right for computer room ...

DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
Yeah. Lotta-Pupu is always next to me. Almost always. Its not big enough for me to hug thought, anymore...I've grown up. I got it when I born.

PRIZED POSSESION:
Music.

GOOD DRIVER?
Dunno. Perhaps.

GOOD AT SPORTS?
Im tought but not really good. Fast.

GOOD ACTOR/ACTRESS:
Hopefully someday. These is a loads of blocks in my mind I need to open to really open myself to acting. But Im still a bit scared of it, so slowly I take my time...

DEEP SLEEPER?
Indeed.

SHY?
People thinks Im not shy, but really - I am. Very. I hide it with charming bable and jokes or what so ever.

GOOD STORYTELLER?
Sometimes.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD...
STITCHES?
Nope.

BLOODY NOSE?
In winter time I bleed like a monster. Dry air.

CANCER?
no!

SURGERY?
Minor one for my leg when I was at 6th grade.

HOSPITALISED?
For ten days cause of my leg when I was at 6th grade. Month of something in mental one when I was at 9th.

SOMEONE BESIDES YOUR FAMILY SAY THEY LOVE YOU?
...

DO YOU ENJOY PARKS?
Aye!

LIKE PICNICS?
Yeah, but didnt have time to do those at summer. Just ones with Senni and Pirkko!

LIKE SCHOOL?
Hate it. I need to do things not to stare inkboard for fucking 3years!

COLLECT ANYTHING?
Cd's. Eyewear. Candle cups. Stuff.

LIKE TO SHOP?
Alone. Sometimes. Quickly. I always know what Im lookin' for.

LIKE TO PARTY?
Not that much anymore. If I have a reason and good friends around, of course.

GET IN TROUBLE A LOT?
Not anymore. Im a good girlie.

EAT A LIVE HAMSTER FOR A MILLION DOLLARS?
Nope, propably.

GO TO A HANSON CONCERT IF YOU HAD A FREE TICKET?
Dunno. If I dont have _nothing_ better to do, maybe. I would give that free ticket to my pal Tuulia who is a fan.

GOT ANYTHING PIERCED?
Ears and navel.

WHAT THREE THINGS WOULD YOU TAKE FROM YOUR ROOM IF YOU WERE STRANDED ON A DESERTED ISLAND?
Somebody, Lotta-Pupu and my cello with pack which is stuffed full of cd's ;))

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE MOTTO?
"Kaikki tuppaa sumpliintua aena oikkeelle raitteelleen..."
keskiviikko, elokuu 20, 2003 | | |

lauantai, elokuu 16, 2003

New layot. Some make up, clothes one, jump into my car and pick up Senni. We go to drive around. Then meet my granparents and then to work. Woah. Hehehhehehehe. Driving!!
lauantai, elokuu 16, 2003 | | |

R.I.P Maisu. Between wednesday - thursday night 4am you left. P�iv�lleen 8.5 year old. I miss you So much. I hope the food taste better in heaven.
lauantai, elokuu 16, 2003 | | |

keskiviikko, elokuu 13, 2003

Maisu sairaalassa. Koira siis. Meid�n koira. Naantalin pienel�in klinikalla oli ainoastaan tilaa. Tuli flunssanen olo. Ei huvita siivota vaikka sen piti olla t�m�n p�iv�n SE juttu jolle omistaudun ja jolla kaikki syd�mmet puolelleni voitan. Kahvi maistuu ei niin hyv�lle ja kissa riehuu. V�sytt��. Paperi paskaa tehnyt koko p�iv�n. Aamulla heti 9am olin kolkuttelemassa Liedon ty�kk�rin ovia ja HELVETTI ETT� AHDISTAA tahdon t�ihin. Tomin mukaan minua kaivataan vasta la. Vasta. Vapaa ajan ongelma. Helvetti soikoon. Ei saisi valittaa, hyv��h�n t�ll�inen "hanging aroun da house" tai chillaus(?) tekee. Huomenna taiteiden y� jonne menen katsomaan kabhi kushi kabhie khamin ja sitten pe aamulla INSSI. Huraa.
Kes� on ohi. Ei? Eilen oli hieno p�iv�. N�in Heidin (ja samalla Hetan) ja Kortea later on. Paljon jutustelua. Teki hyv��.
K�vin my�s hakemassa sellon kotiin. Jos tekisi Pete Townshedit ja l�pp�is sen sein��n? Ahdistaa. Olen huolissani. Koira kaksi p�iv�� oksennellut jotain velli� ja kussu jauhoja. Juo ei sy�. Paskoo kivi�. Pieni� kivi�. Kiitos, sinne meni plyyssi matot, mutta so what. Hitto, ett� osaa olla huolissaan. Ei nyt sovi p��h�n, ett� pit�isi alkaa etsim��n uutta hauvaa.
keskiviikko, elokuu 13, 2003 | | |

perjantai, elokuu 08, 2003

I've been so over tired in passing week that it start to crash my nerves a bit by bit. I dont have work to day, thank god.
I dont sleep at nights. Few hours only and after it Im half asleep and roll 'round my bed. I dont eat. Well something or then nothing. Yesterday I ate huge pizza and now Im having a tummy ache. Hectic chaotic life at work makes this way. Two persons have already got last weeks of because tummy aches and starting "vatsahaava"...But I've loved every goddamn minute of that work. It have drive me emtpy but I wouldnt change away a thing. These past few days are just too much...today : Last kanto show. After it Saaga gig at El patio. Before all that I have cello rehersals at Mikaelin kirkko. Tomorrow I go play cello at church of mikael, somebody's weddings. Gosh, gotta hate the idea. Im sure I wont get money of that ... I dont even know the pair who's getting married. Hanna's gradu couple. Needed violist och cellist. I and Epa agreeded. Easy nice song. But everything with my cello is nightmare. All the strings are humming at the same time, bow is not working at all. It sounds terrible and I've heart that this miss who is getting married is driving everyone grazy cause she wants "Perfect wedding" in american style...you know loads of money - 4 pridemaid with exact same kind of silk dresses, loads of flowers, perfect classic music with the little orchestra, photographer is made to take exact same kind of pictures than americans top 10 wedding photographers and so on...just because this lady wants everything to be "perfect". Yea, then I have this piece of ass cello and I made everything to sound bullshit! Yea, funnyha-ha!

And after weddings I take that cello, run like grazy back home. Quick change of clothing and fire under my butt I run to Naantali. Work. Surf party. 800 ppl coming. Im not celling tickets. Behind the bar perhaps. Blocking. Chaos. Work 'til 4-5am. Sleep at the upstairs and go to open the store at 10am 'til 6pm at sunday. Then back home to greet Somebody and sleep forever.

I hate when ppl fix my life even not asking me about it at all. Like today - Epa didnt ask me about this gig. She just called me and "it is then, no questions or what so ever." I had to change my work and thats mean I lost MONEY (which is good cause I have to eat and feet the cat etc!) and have to go to gig which is free for Pepe. Of course I love to be on the stage I love Saaga I love that place everything is perrrfect BUT IM SO TIRED grrrr. Too much in same day. This headache is never leaving me. Now stop whining.

Hehhe Somebody afraid cello's voice. He escape it and wont come out from his hiding place. That dummy.
perjantai, elokuu 08, 2003 | | |

torstai, elokuu 07, 2003

Im so tired. Neck is killing me and I dont sleep properly. I hate it, cause I never feel like I've slept enough and I really need rest. Next 3 days are nightmarely busy. Tomorrow I need to wake up early to play cello. Thne I have rehersals at church of Mikael. Then last Kantojen valtakunta show. Then gig med Saaga at el Patio. Then sleep a bit before saturday when I have gig WITH CELLO at weddings (PANIC.) 16.15. Then back home and to Naantali where nightmare starts totally. Surfparty at my workplace. over 800 hiphopper Im oh so cool surfer wannabe smuck hanging around from all over the finland drunk as junk. GOSH. Im not selling tickets cause they have hired own one, but I'll be behind the bar selling beer. Hopefully everything goes well. I'll be at work 'til 4am which means that I'll work to 5.30 when I go to sleep to kaivohuone's upstairs for few hours, get up at sunday morning and keep store open from 10am to 6pm. First the last day. Boho. Holy christh above give me strainght.
torstai, elokuu 07, 2003 | | |

keskiviikko, elokuu 06, 2003

G' morning! Well...I didnt sleep before yesterday even thought I was too tired to even walk or keep my eyes open. I went to sleep cause I knew that I have morning wake up at tuesday morning. From midnight to 7am it was thunder. I didnt really wake up into that, I just felt my cat jumping around the bed making noise like some one is raping him ... he was scared about the thunder. Well, then I tried to sleep more, but it was no use. Same thing tomorrow morning, cat just started to play with my hair. No can do, had to get up even thought I was feeling so tired that I wanted to scream.

Yesterday at work was pretty boring one. Just did all my best to keep my eyes open. It was horrible. Read some books, draw some comic strips, stared the hamina and those few peoples that went around the streets. Later Krista came and let me leave. I went to city, bought pair of wannabe boots, met Pike and Senni. Went to secondhand shops, then little picnic, coffee at apteekki ... Then I and Pike went to look for new underwear and after we left Lindex I crashed front of my homies. Salla, Anna and Bella. My group of girls from highschool. God of that laughing and hugging. I went around 'em walking and we went to have coffee and chat to Boheme. Then I left home, watched telly, ate crackers and cheese and went to sleep. Tadah!
keskiviikko, elokuu 06, 2003 | | |

sunnuntai, elokuu 03, 2003

Im so sad, that I didnt got a change to go around the argipelago med tall ship race boats.
sunnuntai, elokuu 03, 2003 | | |

I just payed 630e of bills. Almost all of my pay check went that way. 19h work days and when you get the money, you dont have anything to live with. Annoying.
sunnuntai, elokuu 03, 2003 | | |

What a night again. Death tired. It started to rain after days (or weeks!) of hot feverish days! But now its like tropic out there. Hopefully I'll catch some sleep. I have a day off tomorrow (ali-huomenna - siis sunnuntaina) so I'll sleep. Sleep. Is that something to eat or what?
sunnuntai, elokuu 03, 2003 | | |

lauantai, elokuu 02, 2003

Oh, btw - when I finally get my driving lisence (soon!) I'll get a car too! Our old goddamn mazda 626 (1982) ... hahah huge piece of shit, but I love it. Sentimental car.
lauantai, elokuu 02, 2003 | | |

Its hot. Boiling. Summer. I love my work, even thought Im almost living there 24/7! But I just luv it. Tall ship race at turku. Beautiful boats. I love my cat, he's purring and playing with my legs right now. I came from work while ago, on my way to sleep, but its so hot in this apartment...Tomorrow to work 3pm-4am. But Im alive and kicking! Just too busy to read and answer to emails or irc'ing or ... hanging front of my lovely darling 'puter. But, I'll write a loads of more later on. I have so much to tell you all. Good night.
lauantai, elokuu 02, 2003 | | |