A strange night, thought its already more morning. "Ali-huominen" as I say it in finnish. Great gig we had tonight. Even thought I was quite tired when I went to Marina but on the stage I forgot all of that. After the show it striked me again, but I had to stay sappy 'til Red Lizard's King Crimson gig. It was ecstatic! I ahvent seen anything that great on the stage in ages! Music, players, show...everything in balance and I was so into it that I clapped my hand to bruises and lost my voice. Also I forgot where I was, forgot that that I had a beer to drink, forgot that my job at there was a photographing everything that happend, but I was so...I dont find words right now. Amazed? goddamn I have to remember to put sms to Makke and Ismo and folks tomorrow and say thank you. Audience had same oppinion with me. I didnt stay at Down Town at all after the show, I came straight home. In a way Im sad that I didnt had the change to be in two places at same time. In Marina (after our show) came to play few great bands which first set I had a time to check out...Even thought I was extremely tired I even danced and was very sorry when I had to leave.

Few weeks have been busy time in my life. I dont even remember all the days I've been living in. I have a two side of me; Extremely social and outgoing Lotta who is fancied about the fact of new ppl in life, this great group of personalities in musical and all these nice days working with everyone. And another Lotta who is having a great deal of crises going on in her life...mostly with herself. I think. I dont know. I just have so much to do and Im so tired. I need to slow down and breath, but to stay in one point for one minute seems to be too much for time to time. I dont want to give a thought for a life right now. Maybe this is a babling which my gloomy mood makes me write. I just dont find right words.
Last night (early morning) when I came home I was in great mood, in a way. I had a nice evening. Strange one. (in a way, I cannot really say why...) I was starving. Checked inside my fridge and started to cook. I was a bit tipsy but still I managed out to make a huge mess and huge wok full of delicious blue cheese chicken M�ss� with pasta. Mmm. I even eat it right now, cause I left it a bit just for tonight. Yummy! Then some sleep and beautiful morning woke me up. Sunny and clear. Winter. Woah. Now its cold as hell (-15something med wind from sea) and my apartment is freezing place to live in. Having a glass of redwine, little pile of Xmas gingerbreads and Aura bluecheese. Sometimes I feel like Im a real hedonist. Haha. Listening Chroma Key (Kevin Moore's fantastic solo project).
i'm not nervous but i think i'll lay back anyway
i'm not helpless but i think i'll stay
and even the waves won't carry me away
Maybe it is this tiredness in me. Maybe it is this schizophrenic way of thinking everything novadays. I have a time of my life and still I cannot stand my life. Myself. Love - hate relationship. Life is so much easier when there is someone to hold on. I think I'll get a pet or something, cause Im extremely bored with furry stuffed animals. Heahahah ;)
Oh God so sue me. Im bored of my whining.
Maybe I go to warmer rooms to listen good relaxing moody music and drink last drops of wine away from the bottom of my glass, smoke a cigarette and go to bed and wait for dreams.
I see funny dreams about musical ppl novadays gosh haha. Not for public eye ;) *joke*...Last night I saw some dreams which include few of 'em and also one sick dream I cannot recall but when I woke up I just stared to the ceiling and almost crossed my hands and prayed. ;)

I wish I find that solitude of sweet harmony soon again. There is no-one Im scared of, just myself in a funny way which I cannot explain. One half stranger once said to me after I opened my mouth about same dilemma - "From time to time, young woman with an eyes of hundred year old can be quite sentimental"...Eh.

Ok enough of early morning bable here. I need to go to sleep before sun gets up! Dont worry, I whine when Im tired. I promise that I will not start to grease a rope tonight. ;) Heahahha I just love my black (stupid) humor sometimes. NIghty nite.

sunnuntai, joulukuu 08, 2002 |  |  |