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perjantai, marraskuu 30, 2001
Gaah. Im going slighly mad...
I woke up 2h ago. I drank two huge cups of coffee and its still hard for me to stay awake. I know that I should start cleaning places, but soon soon. Before it I want to whine about this head-/toothache Im having. Whine. Whine. Ah, there. It help. Gotta find some painkillers and then work work.
Its so bloody dark out there 24h now! If I wear sunglasses, I'll be lost, cause its so dark. Haha. I saw Grease in movie theather in wednesday and gosh I want theyre sunglasses...so kitch! I love old 50's stuff...pin-up girls (Betty Page), cars, clothes, sun glasses haha. How it was so cool and clever to smoke back then. Now you've someone who everyone would love to drag behind the sauna and shoot. ;)
If I could, I would go back to bed and just sleep one more hour. But noo...I have to wait that balcony's window builder fellow who said that he MIGHT drop by...Friday, bloody Friday.
perjantai, marraskuu 30, 2001 |
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Another wonderful day. At morning waking up was nothing but easy. After 15mins of whining I forced myself to get up. I woke up at 7am. :P It was horrrible. Anyway, therapy and then I met Petrus. We had such a nice time! First we sat in Cosmic Cafe and moved into Okkola. In some point his friends, Lassi if I remember his name correctly joined us, and we chatted and I think he was nice. Anyway, I went to see Epa. We had nice time too. I had great day. Nothing...real...mm...negative. Ok, some things, like bills I got to pay, to find out that Im truly broke atm and everything, but what da heck! I glimbed up to vartiovuori, where you can see whole turku (almost) and...it was beautiful and so peaceful. I remember the day at spring when I visit that place first time of my life with Petrus...Anyway, Then again I went to have a girly-chat with Epa to Okkola and came home. I spend all day at the city. I should go to sleep now, cause soonish I have to wake up. I promised to mum that I do total-cleaning to whole place. My room is in chaos which kind its have never been...in long time even. Then vacuum, washing, everything tomorrow. I have to get everything done before afternoon and that's why I need to get up early. Tho, all I want to do is sleep sleep sleep. I need to look fresh in sunday when show starts again, and I look like hell! I've been sleeping something like 3-5h per night...in past few weeks. Terrible! Well, As Nekku always say 'You have time to rest when your dead' ;))
Well...Sunday, Bloody sunday. Epa will have this party in saturday, but I think I'll skip it. I know her parties, and Im not in a mood for that kind of thingie. Metal music etc. Sometimes its ok, and there are some ppl I would like to meet, if they come, but I dont really believe so. Anyway, tomorrow I try to get Epa to join me & Mare for one drinks to somewhere cause I want to relax for a sec in good company with ppl I truly care. Senni is tomorrow on her way to sweden, to stockholm to see Astral Projection LIVE in saturday and Oooo how I envy her in a way. Im so happy joyjoy that her friend Markus decided to pay that trip as a bday present and everything, cause its something she really needs right now. I know she'll love it! :) Wish I could be there with her. Senni always say that we need to go to bar together sometimes. I just want to go to dance with her sometime. We use to do that together. Not anymore. And I miss it more than anything, really. It was so much fun, with her, everything is. Anyway...
Nobody...He's so soft.
perjantai, marraskuu 30, 2001 |
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keskiviikko, marraskuu 28, 2001
In next sunday it will start again. 2 shows per day. one week. in 8.12 we have last night and woah then we party like animals, I can tell you. In a way, we've become to be very intimate group with some actors and mainly with the band. We all are already sad about knowing that it will end. But hey...that's ok. I got phone call from Petrus today. It was great. Im so glad that he's in my life again, really, not just in my thoughts. cause...well...Year ago we had something so big. We've had our up and downs and chrises but he's still always very special to me. We havent been seeing each others in ages, and last friday I had cup of coffee and good conversation with him and after it somehow my heart got somekind of peace inside it. Anyway...I've been sleeping a lot. Life is in mess. I got beat up in last monday, granma's under ground and Well...
I have nothing inside me. Where is myself when I need her most.
Rammstein was great live! I was right at the front of the stage all the time, next to singer and wow...the action on the stage, show, light, fire, music...it was so much fun. Anyway. Tomorrow I'll meet Senni. Yee. In a way I try to avoid her, cause she's having flu and I dont want to catch it. I miss everyone in Tommy. I feel like I have nothing inside me and I want to get out. One sparks (song in Tommy) per day keeps blues away.
This picture above is from one Tommy rehersals, few days before opening night. I wish I could get those real press pictures where Im acting Acid Queen or those where Im having my costumes/make-ups one and stuff. And my violet electric cello, which is HOT. From left to right there is: Johanna, our flute player, Eeva aka Epa - violin, me as a cellist and right at front is Ari our dear bass player. We three girls also do background vocals in it, so that's why that microphone...
All I do is Tommy, Tommy...
Shoot me, Im still alive ;)
keskiviikko, marraskuu 28, 2001 |
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tiistai, marraskuu 27, 2001
Yes. Im here. Alive.
tiistai, marraskuu 27, 2001 |
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perjantai, marraskuu 09, 2001
My granma is dead. I just heard. Im in Senni's (our( birthday party at Senni's place. At last night. I dont feel anything right now. Nothing nothing nothing. opening night is in next week, then I have to go to north to face everyone and then more shows.
How can I send email to heaven.
How in earth...
I wont cry now. I wont do that now. Senni's friends are all here. At home Im alone. I dont know I dont know I dont know how to have strainghts to go go this...Oh Lord I miss her. I met her last summer...I didnt have time to go to Kajaani after it. Oh god god How will my dad and everyone do. I just talked with my step-mother...she said that cry. let it out. I bursted to cry like a baby for 30sec. Before it my father said that take care of Senni. Then Virpi stole the phone and said that dont be hard as stone now, dont just take care of everyone, you have to feel too...
And now im just empty. When I heard about it I bursted to laugh like mad, called to Marevan, laughed. Then my stress came on to me and I started to yell and hit my hand to wall...then I cried.
Tomorrow all day Tommy rehersals, same thingie in sunday. Monday to school and tuesday-> rehersals and in thursday: opening.
And im all alone. Im sinking.
perjantai, marraskuu 09, 2001 |
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torstai, marraskuu 08, 2001
come what may.
torstai, marraskuu 08, 2001 |
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its snowing. I took long walk with doc and woo...and suddenly...white tiny snowflakes all around me, icy wind and air and they slowly came down on me from the sky.
torstai, marraskuu 08, 2001 |
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This is the best time of my life. This is the most hectic and chaotic time of my life. This is sad and most exciting time of my life. This is most stressful and confusing time of my life. forgive me that I havent been writing anything here. I've tried. I've been too busy.
This musical and going in school at the same time burns me out totally. This sad and creeping cause of my granma who's dying in Iisalmi makes me feel so much pain that I dont know how to handle it. This longing to go to kajaani and Iisalmi to meet everyone and get comfort from dad and Virpi and from Nobody...Aeeaeee I miss ekhowl, but WE NEVER SEE ANYMORE!!!11
I just would love to do one thing at the time. Not all. To meet granma. To do sorb-i-tol and write songs...my school...I've forgot that place almost in this almost a week which I've been here at Turku in Tommy rehersals...Oh goood.
Yesterday before loong rehersals I was eating lunch in restaurant. While I was drinking cup of coffee, I got urge to write something and I wrote this (sorry, its in finnish, its not that personal if I put it in english) in my notebook:
"Jumala, jos olet olemassa, anna minulle voimaa.
Anna minulle y�unta ja fyysist� vahvuutta.
Anna minulle energiaa ja kest�vyytt� selvit� koulusta.
Anna minulle rohkeutta lopettaa hetkeksi vahvuuteni ja olla hetken heikko.
Anna minulle sitkeytt� ja karismaa onnistua.
Anna minulle c-vitamiini� jotta en menett�isi ��nt�ni.
Juota minuun kahvia jotta en nukahtaisi ;)"
It was more a pray for myself than some god. U know that I mean...
torstai, marraskuu 08, 2001 |
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sunnuntai, marraskuu 04, 2001
So now I am one year older and halloween/samnhai is over...Its cold outside, winter is finally here. I've been quite lazy and way too busy to write anything here...but I'll fix that tomorrow. nighty nite everyone. Thanks to everyone who send theyre greets to me yesterday. =)
sunnuntai, marraskuu 04, 2001 |
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