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keskiviikko, toukokuu 16, 2001
I came home while ago. Another night at musical thingie. Tomorrow opening night. 100 things to do before it. And in friday morning I jump to train with Nobody and to Kajaani. Im happysad. I've been giving my all in this musical project and its working finey. Tomorrow we'll see. I was so tired today that I forgot my mobile phone there...or so it seems even...Whoah. Duh! Hopefully no-one finds it and take it...
So...I woke up today at Mikko's place and went to city to meet mum. After therapy I ran home quicly, changed clothes, took cello with me and notes and runned to catch a bus. I met Jori, who was on his way to meet some girl to somewhere, anyway, I had change to see him quickly and there I was again running to somewhere with that cello. I have this huge thingie on my shoulder cause its so heavy to carry...It hurts...Anyway, then cello class, then to city, eat, meet Epa, I got contact microphone for my cello and then we ran to Kaarina to our last practise session before opening...And that goddamn sound check lasted for ever! I lost my nerves thousand times. I was SO tired. I am so tired. My muscles hurts very much and I know that I need to woke up early, do things and then run there again. All day. All day there. But Im sure it will go fine. IM So sure. Only thing is which we afraid that how much ppl we get to see it...And well one of those singers artist cancelled it. FUCK. He didnt show up today, so it means he wont come. Were in trouble but it will go...
My time is running.
They played Sorb-i-tol in the radio today too. at 11.55 in radio mafia,in Susanna Keto's morning show. Song called Outcry. yay. I didnt hear it but I got lots of phone calls after it (everyone is listening mafia these days ;))...
Yay. Oh well. Im so tired and so I need to go. I miss these moments with my computer and with Nobody. But everything has a meaning always so I cannot complain. Nighty nite =)
keskiviikko, toukokuu 16, 2001 |
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sunnuntai, toukokuu 13, 2001
I feel horrible. I feel fine. I dont really know how I feel. I mean...
Why does it always when I find something good in my life, everything around me turns to chaos?
In past few days I've been thinking about my life a lot. And Im very happy with it. I mean...like year ago I started to hang around with ekhowl, and now he's one of my main human in my life. I visited Sweden in tolkien meet. I had job at Blue Apple. I got cello, I got change to do music at sorb-i-tol. Nobody walked in my life. I started to play cello and now Im very proud owner of great piece of wood which is my first OWN cello.
I've spend a lot of time with Eka and watch how she also finds away in her life. Senni moved out from home and have done amazing work for her school. My dad and Virpi bought house and I got work from there.
I was make-up artist and model in that Photo project. Radio Mafia played Sorb. I got change to be in Musical and Im still in it when it really start to play in autumn. I've seen beautiful movies, found beautiful music, Im going to see Ozric Tentacles in few month (with ekho co.!! Woohoo I can hardly wait!!) and there is #tolkien meet in Turku in next month. I've started to take photographs again. I've started to paint again. I've started to listen my innerside, my soul and mind. I've started to meditate. I've started to give a change to success for myself. I've started to live again.
And many other things.
So why...Someone things that he knows me and my life better than I.
I havent forgot anything. Things happen, I just have to carry on. I've forgive everything for myself and to others and I feel so calm. I've found myself and Im happy with it, and I like to be me, so what is this hulabaloo then? Let me be.
sunnuntai, toukokuu 13, 2001 |
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lauantai, toukokuu 12, 2001
Nobody is sleeping on my lap and everything is so quiet. I havent been listening anything or even watching tv after I came home...Im planning to do some food now. Maybe. I've been so lazy and busy that I always forgot to eat! Really! Ok...I ate one stone hard 'pulla' today, and Mikko took huge bite from it (he tried to offer me to take that piece back but...) and I just ate it and came home to drink pepsi. I've been thinking 'should I do noodles, or...what about french fries?' about over 3h now and I havent done anything yet. I dont know which one I want! Hahaha. Im patchetic. maybe I just take that �l of choko ice cream from myself and then start to sleep...mm...sounds good.
I wonder is ekho still at the city? He called me when he was on his way there and said that 'see you in the IRC when I get back!'...Well...Night is long.
lauantai, toukokuu 12, 2001 |
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Im so happy that I dont want this to flow away. And the thing is that last 8months in my life have been the best time I've had. I've found myself and forgive to myself my past and things I've gone thru. Things happens and you cannot really control 'em. I have great way to do music, Im in musical, I have great cello teacher, own cello, Nobody, man, friends, best sister, pure alive heart. I've open myself to life in new way and Im not scared anymore. Im so free from the cells I use to live in. I got work from Kajaani, Im so busy but I dont care about it right now. Ok, its sad to leave so soon and it makes me a bit stressed but so what...=)
Im going to be away from IRC then, when Im up at north, but I'll update this from library and so on.
Oooh!!! My dear dear friend Eka placed her homepages online today! CHECK these OUT! Theyre coolest. And she's going to come here tomorrow (or today) morning...I should go to sleep. Im home alone and I which Im somewhere else with someone. I want to have conversation. Im so in panic about one thing...but Im sure Its for nothing.
Im sad that there is one thing in life that never stops...
I which I could have Lodoss maintune here and I could play it and cry few tears. I've been crying last few hours, this empty home feels so hopeless for me now, but It helped a lot to talk in irc with Arhu, via phone with Virpi and laugh to drunken ppl in #tolkien. I just love these ppl. Somethings came on me which went totally over from me head. I cannot understand how such things happen. How such words someone can say. Im so glad Im me. Im so glad that Im here right now. Im so thankful to myself for things I've done. Im so thankful to my ppl to be there for me...
you'll be given love
you'll be taken care of
you'll be given love
you have to trust it
.
maybe not from the sources
you've poured yours
into
-
maybe not
from the directions
you are
staring at
-
twist your head around
it's all around you
all is full of love
all around you
-
all is full of love
you just ain't receiving
all is full of love
your phone is off the hook
all is full of love
your doors are all shut
all is full of love
- - - - - - -
ANYWAY! I love The Who's Tommy - the rock musical. Maybe cause
Im doing it right now, maybe cause its awesome to play and sign it,
maybe cause its great music MAYBE cause it makes me burst around.
Maybe cause im full of extra energy. Maybe cause I've noticed that
Im really almost professional musician ahahahahah...
This is work for me nowadays. Oh Im so glad that its summer, Im so
glad that soon its autumn cause then I study my last year away and
then everything is new and open. Ooh. Im so...Glad.
lauantai, toukokuu 12, 2001 |
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torstai, toukokuu 10, 2001
Woo! Sorb-i-tol got new own domain, which is in use tomorrow...It will be www.sorb-i-tol.com. SO also my e-mail will turn to be lotta@sorb-i-tol.com WHICH I'll read when Im in Kajaani soonish, cause I got phone call that my works start there tomorrow!! OHMYGOD! Im so stressed! Heheheh welll...anyway I have 100 things to do before I leave and this musical thingie opening night in next week and and...my my...
Im so goddamn busy all the time. I had a little time to meet ekhowl today, and Petrus. Last night I was at practise for the musical to almost 2am in the morning from 7pm. Whoah. Anyway its great now. I even bought the cd from The who's orginal version of that Tommy. It sounds like us. I can play and practise my singing and cello parts with it...
Sigh. This hurry. I use to whine that nothing happends in my life and now these new things drop on me all the time, and things change in second. Whoah! Im exited, Im tired Im...happy but...Well...summer.
torstai, toukokuu 10, 2001 |
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tiistai, toukokuu 08, 2001
I had extremely great day today, no matter what! Woot!
I should start from begining...I woke up, extremely tired, drank coffee and wrote lyrics. It was hot outside. Today was FIRST summer day. Im soo happy. I went to eat with my mother, I was very late but I got a change to get something in my tummy. I've been very lazy with eating anything in past few days. Bah. Then I runned to meet my therapist and she was wondering that wow you've been going thru a lot of things lately, and I just laughed and said 'I agree'...Then I went to pick new hair color and went to meet dear dear ekhowl at his house. And I had SO much fun! I dont remember when I really laughed so much. He played me some j-pop from artist called 'dream' which was sooo awful that I almost died after laughing so much. We just chilled around, irc'ed, drank coffee, I met his two huge but lovable soft cat's and we spend a lot of time at his balcony sitting under the sun. It was relaxing. His friend, which name I dont remember but he's boyfriend of one of Senni's friends...Anyway, very nice fellow he drove me home.
Then I went to city. When I was waiting bus I got phone call from mum, she was screaming 'I just put radio on and there your voice is singing!!' WOoooT!!! THEY played it in RadioMafia today! Aku from plastic passion send our demo ep there yesterday and they already played it today in the radio!! its SO fucking amazing! I cannot believe it! I dont know what to think. They even said our group name (tho, they pronounce our name sorb-i-tol in wrong way LOL)...ahahah the thing is that I cannot believe that every human who had radiomafia tuned on that time heard it, it just dont fit in to my mind. Im just laughing and thinking that its just a big joke. Buahahah.
Then...I came home, Im tired and Im going to dye my hair with summerish red soonish. Then I come to front of this computer and I'll spend time on irc. Tomorrow will be a manical day with cello classes, with musical practise session and stuff. It tooks all my energy away.
This running around makes me understand how goddamn important my friends are to me. Spending few hours with Ekho, just hanging around laughing, having good conversation about meditation and stuff, listening music...It made me full of extra energy I always need...
Ok, Senni called me that she wants to talk with me. So Im going afk for awhile, then I dye my hair and with one eye I watch finland-sweden hockey game. Woot Finland is hitting sweden like bugs...Woot. ;)
Btw, if your reading this my friend ali] : HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
*hugs* and may your skies be filled with stars and soap bubbles.
Gaah. I wonder will I spend this night alone...
tiistai, toukokuu 08, 2001 |
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maanantai, toukokuu 07, 2001
I just wrote long long entry here but it disappeard...AAARGH!!
Anyway I was just saying that Im busy and havent got time to be home after I came back from Kajaani. Its horrible. Well not so...but Nobody must hate me very much. Anyway...Today I should spend day with Eka...Im going to heat there soonish. Tomorrow I spend time with Ekho...Im so tired. In wednesday I have that musical thing again. Long long session so we should learn everything...it eats all my time now. I said to Epa that I dont want to do it but now Im glad Im in it...BUT...well...you know its nice and very very inspirationg. Great musicians and singers and actors there and then me...hahahah...hahaha...argh. Im not stressed a bit not that music anymore but Im person who wants to spend time a lot just chilling out and so....Woah. Anyway gotta go back laters...
maanantai, toukokuu 07, 2001 |
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perjantai, toukokuu 04, 2001
im back. death tured. stressed. after running around in north i came back here to run around and doing what other ppl want me to do without asking. i start o be so tired that im going to crash down soon. i dont even remember when was the last time i slept over 5h in night...
perjantai, toukokuu 04, 2001 |
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