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keskiviikko, helmikuu 28, 2001
Im feeling very weak. My whole body is like it doenst have any power inside it. I feel dizzy. When I sit on the sofa I almost drown in it. My whole body is so heavy. When I stand up and walk somewhere my legs dont really carry me. I feel like I could fall on my face always when I walk. Even when I stand up in one place. Im so weak, like I dont have any muscles. Annyoing, I say. Sigh.
Today I woke up, as usually my dayly "hit the alarm clock" ritual...Nobody woke up and started to poke me with his head and *miaw* *purrrrr* trying to get me up. We slept about 10 more minutes and then I jumped up. And I felt horrible. My head ache like someone hammering my head...I felt so weak. So after one hour trying to get myself feeling better I cancelled my therapy, meeting with Senni, meeting with ekhowl, meeting with Epa...and things I had to get done. well maybe tomorrow...Bah. Anyway I spend day at the corner of our comfy sofa surfing in tv channels. I also played guitar, chatted on phone 30min with ekhowl, after it Senni called me and we babled a bit.
I ate, I ate, read Harry Potter and fell asleep Nobody as my pillow again. Then I woke up again. Useless day. Very very booring.
Im listening Million Dollar Hotei OST...I love this cd soo much.
Im desinging new curtains in my room. Ah Im excited. I hope I'll find proper stuff from my idea soonish...Oh well...Im slowly starting to feel a bit tired...for this goddamn flu. I want my life back again...;) I hope I dont fall in coma ;)) BAH! :P
keskiviikko, helmikuu 28, 2001 |
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maanantai, helmikuu 26, 2001
Listening Emiliana Torrini, feeling a bit gloomy.
Im the other part of organazing summer #tolkien meet to Turku. Its quite
damn hard, cause everyone wants to come and we try to get proper day
which could fit for everybody, and its not possible. Ppl gets angry
to us, if we put it in graduation day. But right now it seems to be
only day that fits. And...why in earth ppl cannot do another meet
for later summer! Im into thought for meetings, Im in every one of
'em, I want to meet ppl as much as I can. This makes me sad, that
ppl might get angry to us. It makes me very sad.
Should we take it easy? Oh my I love this girrrlie...
I got mail from Epa again. Yay, I havent mail with her in ages, and
now I truly enjoy about it...I have to answer to it soonish...I could
do it in few sec, same time Im looking for some guitar tabs from
net...She invite me to jamming session in Bluestock in next sunday.
I think I'll go there. Sounds nice. If Im feeling better than now. I
might just enjoy music, I dont know if Im in mood for getting on the
stage, but we'll see about that then. :)
Yev also invite me in her bday party. I wanna go, but I have no idea
how to get there, and where it is. Im not person who wanna go alone.
Im so poor with places. I've been living here like over 4 years now,
and I dont even know where everything is. I should go around with the
map.
I woke up today with horrible head ache. Again. I went to sleep quite
late cause I stuck my nose in the very intresting book and I noticed
that my god its almost morning...I throw it away and floated in to
dreamland. And it was hard, I woke up all the time. At the morning
suddenly phone rang. I went to pick it up and there was my dear step-mother.
I talked with her like 5mins. My headache was growing, I walked to
kitchen, eyes closed, took one painkiller and slowly walked back in my
room. Dog whined. Barf Barf. I was in my bed and whole world spinned
around me. Flash of pain. I mumbled 'shut up'...but she started to
make even louder whining. I didnt know what was wrong. I falled asleep.
I woke up again. Dog was somewhere. Silence. I went to bathroom
to wash my face with cold water and there is was, huge pile of dog poo.
Argh. I cleaned the floor and went back to sleep. Mum came home after
1pm, I didnt heard anything. She came to woke me up with coffee, my headache
was growing again, and I couldnt get myself up. Sad :/ Anyway after 5pm
they cook chinese, I somehow managed to get myself up and then I ate.
It was so goddamn yummy...Now im here. Few cups of coffee, painkiller
and Im awake. But I feel dizzy. Tomorrow I should go to town. I think
if I have this headache still then, Im going to go to see doctor. I
cannot stand this anymore...I feel so weak.
I opened my phone. I've keep it closed past few days. Now I feel like
I want to close it again, but Im waiting call from my step-mother.
I miss everyone up in north so much. Sigh. Summer breeze...
maanantai, helmikuu 26, 2001 |
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on my way to dreamland.
maanantai, helmikuu 26, 2001 |
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Im so lazy to write this nowadays...well no..Its not lazyness, its just
that I've been so tired cause Im ill, that Its extremely hard for me
to even open the computer. And again, after 4 days without fever, Im
having some again. And horrible headache. I didnt sleep last night cause
painkillers didnt work at all. Now my muscles all over my body are
weak and I feel dizzy and cold. I hate this, cause I have better things to
do than feeling sick. I've been inside this goddamn house about 3 weeks,
since I came back from Sweden...I curse this Influenza thing *GAAH* it
makes me so weak, and I dislike it. :P
Ooh Pizzicato five on the stereos, very quietly I can barely hear it, but
I cant listen it with louder volume, cause I could hear my head broke
in pieces then.
Yesterday was nice. I woke up and I made some coffee. Epa called me
that she's having party, and Im invited, and I was happy. After her
Senni called me, that hey few friends from Helsinki, which I havent
been able to see in year, are on theyre way here. I was nodding that
well that's great, I'll meet you possibly later when they arrive.
She called me like 15mins after again and said that ok where on our
way to pick you up in 10mins. I had to think about it...I heard that
Petteri borrowed his mothers car and Lavis was there with him.
They picked Senni up from the city and were on theyre way to pick me.
Eek. Panic. I screamed that ohmigod I havent got my morning coffee yet,
and I have to go to shower. She said that ok then try to be fast.
I drank hot cup of fresh coffee in one gulb and runned in the shower.
Fast as I could. I was fast...They come in and walked in my room.
It was amazing to meet both of them after awhile...too long time no see.
We went to visit observatory. It was shiny day. I felt week but I just
thought it will past as soon I "wake up" finally. Then we went to city.
Boys decided that we gotta see movie. It was ok for me. So we decided
to see Hannibal! :D We got tickets. We noticed that we had 1h to hang around before the movie, so we went to have some coffee
and yummy mocca donuts. I ate two. I dont know what is going on with me
but I ate too much sweet and yummy stuff. I cannot help myself.
I said to Lavis that this must be it, Im carrying a child, Im going
to born anti-christ and in new part of bible theres just Lotta with
holy cat called Nobody. well...I bought huge sac of candy and then
we went to movies.
I must say that it was great movie. Im big fan for Hannibal Lecter and
this movie was something I truly enjoyed a lot! It had a lot of satire,
black-humor and that kind of things. Im sure that a lot of ppl dislike
it and think its boring etc, but I had great time. I missed Jody Foster
in it...she belong in it. Anyway...Theyve shooted part of that movie
in Firenze! Oh In those places I spend that one beautiful week. Im
sure I'll visit there someday again. Oh it was so sentimental...
After movie boys dropped me home and drove back to Helsinki. I
came in and then it started. My head was aching so much that it was
hard to see anything. It was already night, and Epa's party were
going on, I forgot my phone home, so she tried to call me all day.
Im sorry. Anyway, I didnt call back, i felt so horrible that I just
closed phone and relaxed.
Last night, as I said, I didnt get any sleep. I stayed awake
til 4am when I turned tv on. MTV alternative nation is best thing
in saturday. great videos that you cannot see usually. And they showed
my favorite stuff! Ooh I was soo happy! These videos : Bj�rk 'all is full of love',
Massive Attack 'innertia creeps', LAMB, Aplex Twix, Sigur Ros, Portishead...
Air, Laurent Garnier etc etc. I forgot names now. Ooh It was so relaxing.
Nobody was on my arms, purring quietly, room was dark, everyone was sleeping
exept me...I was so tired, that I surfed in trance or half asleep stade of mind all the time.
Til I was 'All is full of love' which was like best way to end the day (clock was already over 6am so there was just 30min left of that show)
...I turn tv down and went to sleep. Which was extremely hard cause I felt
pulse in my head all the time. It was annyoing.
Then I woke up. Mum asked me do I want to see 'Friends'. I said that
could you tape it. Then I falled in sleep somehow again. I rolled in my
bed, felt sun on me cheek. Nobody came to see that could I wake up
to feed him. It was already over 3pm when I got myself up, with
calling from my mum 'Lotta, theres fresh coffee for you...'
I spend whole day watching tv...Frends from tape, Xena, MTV Real World,
Dawson's creek. traditional way to spend sunday afternoon. Then I went
back to bed, it was dark already, my head was killing me. Nobody
came to sleep against me, in some part he was my pillow. Then I got
myself up again...I watched more tv, cooked some food with my mother.
She's also sick, thanks for me, she's having worst part of influenza going
on right now. Same with my step-father, but he fight against it so
all he does is sneezing. No matter what, he still go to work everyday...
I got sms from Sami yesterday. He's in spain. I havent heard from him
anything in ages. I was suprised.
I should call to Dad and Virpi. I miss then terribly and there is no way
I can go there anymore in one month. too busy here and winter vacation
is over. Sad but true...
Ok I have to find that cat from somewhere and think about sleeping.
I have nice books Im going to read and then sleep my eyes and float
to dreamland. Tomorrow I should meet Senni and give her some money,
but a) I dont have money for bus, b) It will be freezing -22 day and
c) I have fever :P
I hate this. Do I have to spend another week, third week inside
'cause of this flu? ARGH, Why cannot this slimy little
virus cant leave me alone! *silent scream* Why? WHYyy!?
maanantai, helmikuu 26, 2001 |
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sunnuntai, helmikuu 25, 2001
In sort of way I got a quite horrible day. Also very nice one. Im death tired and
suffering horrible achy headache. Not usual kind. Back of my head
is sore and I got this flash of pain all the time. Sounds and voices
are painfull. Now its spreating all over my head and its not nice.
My mum said it could be (I dont know english terme or name for it)
'aivokalvon tulehdus' which ppl have a lot right now. My mum's
workmate's daughter have been in hospital all the time cause of it.
I home it doesnt last, I hope this pain is just this night...It started
at day and I ignored it. Now Its horrible and it gets more achy all the
time...sigh. well that's life. Nobody is perfect, purring around me,
very playfull. He's so cute. Awww...
sunnuntai, helmikuu 25, 2001 |
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lauantai, helmikuu 24, 2001
I dont have nothing to say. I've spend all day watching anime, reading and yes I did something and I went for little walk with dog, tho she wanted to come in cause it has extremely cold (not really, but wind...it makes everything soo...painfull)...Im quite bored, feeling empty. Im getting brake from myself. Still I miss company of ppl and I...I really miss having social life. I had one before I went to work. I lost it during my work...House is full of silence. Both my mum and step-father are now into that famous influenza I still got it too...Mum didnt even went to work today. or yesterday. I noticed that its early morning. I want to eat candy but I dont have any. I've ate all my lollipops. I put some manic street preachers on and I start to read again. I want to go to city and call to someone to ask company for coffee but I dont have money for bus or coffee so to speak...bah. Ppl so much hate me, cause I am what I am. I just want good for everyone, I dont want to be part of something bad anyway. Ppl who hate me for some reason someday maybe understand my habits and things I've said or things I've never have even asnwered...they maybe see that I did good thing. I dont want to bable about life now. Im so sad. Maybe I just listen some le tigre and oh Im happy. All that glitter is not gold, baby! yeah! I just wonder why everyone are so far away from me, is it me? Oh Im just tired and I speak stupid things, Ignore me. But hey...I just started to think that I want to go and meet ppl I miss right now in this very sec...why does they all have to be away and why its always over 150FIM to get there. Sigh. Pentti woke up, I gotta go to sleep. I wanna see pokemon at the morning. Also star trek. Scott me up, beami!
lauantai, helmikuu 24, 2001 |
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perjantai, helmikuu 23, 2001
oh and the thing I forgot...everyone go to listen 'cuba libre'. Very groovy baby yeah but hey, that's life sometimes.
after that song I've wrote mainly light or melancholic floating stuff...which is nice. tunes are beautiful. I can hardly wait to get 'em done in studio!...gotta go to sleep. Laters.
perjantai, helmikuu 23, 2001 |
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Oh, girl, Im so bored...Now...Im just tired. Still very weak. I didnt go to Kajaani. I think I have to skip whole trip for few weeks. In monday winter holiday here is over and my life start again with daily things I have to do, like searching for a job. I've done it all the time, summer jobs, but now I mean real one...I still miss everyone up there in north, I need theyre company for awhile, but Im too weak to sit in the train for 8h. Possibly with someone who carries influenza also and then I get it back...and it would be more un-healhty than is right now...Oh bloody.I want to do something.
Today was cold one. not so cold air or such, but wind made it spanky. It was terrible. Sun was beautiful, tho. well, Eka called me while I was watching Magic Knight Rayheart episode 1 (I love CLAMP yayay!) that she's going to visit in Raisio City's library. Its little town right next to Turku where I live. Turku has huge very good library system, but Raisio had a lot of stuff that Turku never got. Music, art books, old movies, socialogy books and such I've never saw...Im in heaven there. I didnt even have enought time! It was my first time! That library is in new building which is awesome. I got card for it, and I took a lot of nice stuff I found! :)) Aah! Raisio's city library is very famous and used by art students and university students...now I know why. I found Philip Glass cd's like Kundun soundtrack which I took, Pizzicato five, books I've tried to get from Turku but I've been in line like 5months already...So awesome...Anyway. This influenza...I want to get rid of it. Im sick of it. I have hundret things to do, and now Im all the time so weak and tired. I hate it! I so much hate it! Buhuu. :P
I love this Kundun music. I've been missing it. Gotta buy this cd someday.
Anyway, Jukka told me via phone today that I'll get 2 new song to make next week! And I was on my way online to write him mail about stuff including that I want to re-sang stuff In 'cuba libre' with more power than I used in studio last time, I was so tired when we did it. Anyway...before I did anything, I got mail from Jukka, where he said that btw I just put 'cuba libre' online in mp3.com...thing is that yes Im happy with that song, its ok to me that its online, I dont care cause I know that we'll get perfect versio in the album...well...I always get these 'I wanna dig myself under the ground and stay there' when I got my stuff published. Songs are so intimate for me. Theyre my way to keep journal which is more open than this one I write right now...I dont feel fragile or something, cause I dont care about will ppl love it or hate it or will they ignore it. I dont care. I just...feel strange about the thing, that person that is and was closed as I was and still...erm...well...ppl can just hear and or read the lyrics. And the thing is I do it that way or then not. So I've won myself. I've opened myself. Im glad. and also Im tired and I bable about things that no one wanna read so I stop here ;) ...Bless.
perjantai, helmikuu 23, 2001 |
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keskiviikko, helmikuu 21, 2001
Oh. I just watched Mononoke Hime. Its...beautiful, it very touching. Its very beautiful, its great, it joyfull, it makes my heart sing. And oh of course its great that I have my sister and Eka here, we're having movie marathon. Im still a bit sick, mostly just sneezing and feeling extremely weak all the time, but that's ok. I met ekhowl today which was nice, I returned his cd's and borrowed all meet pictures. He's trying to get 'em scanned and burn 'em in cd-r and I can put everyone of them online in my meet review. yay. Anyway, my plans was that I could leave to Kajaani tomorrow, but I dont really know, cause Im still a bit weak and so. I need to call to my father and ask. I hate this goddamn influenza...Yesterday I spend 7h cleaning this house. I was so death tired at night that I just stared the X-files and tried to get my arm work and pick the coffee mug from the table...But my room is clean, my closets are emptier and Senni's room is nice and clean also. I have new sheets on my bed and new photo's on the wall. Im still tired. I dont know what movie we're going to watch next...maybe some anime, I suppose, well...we'll see. I think I let Senni use 'puter a bit now, before she's gone. muahah :P Laters.
keskiviikko, helmikuu 21, 2001 |
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tiistai, helmikuu 20, 2001
I spend last day/night at Senni's place. I slept well. I didnt even hear that Anna played CMX out loud at morning. I was somewhere so deep...Which was nice. I felt so good when I woked up. Tho Im still very weak and a bit ill...
I have a lot in my mind right now...I think things all the time. Im very very...moody...yeah and on my way to sleep...Sigh.
tiistai, helmikuu 20, 2001 |
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sunnuntai, helmikuu 18, 2001
Im on my way to sleep. Quite nice day after all. S7L called me and we talked for while. Im going to spend tomorrow at Senni's place then, I think, Im not sure yet about her plans, which seems to change all the time. Anyway! :) I've been feeling so tired all day! I dont know why. I feel so weak, like I dont have any muscles or anything. Fragile...listening NIN and I always somehow feel familiar with this song...I used to think its about me ;) I've been sneezing my brains out, coughing blood...I hate this goddamn Influenza only thing that keeps me happy right now is the fact that it will past. Heheh. Ok. Im way too tired to write anything cute and sappy. Jus the thing that Buffy had most greatest episode today. I love that show! I love how I can take my brains out from my head and place them on the table and enjoy good teen-action. Heheh. Tomorrow is Dawson's creek day! I missed first new episode from it, but tomorrow me and Senni will 100% watch it! Ohh Joy. Bless.
sunnuntai, helmikuu 18, 2001 |
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lauantai, helmikuu 17, 2001
Im addicted to Chroma Key record called 'dead air for radios'...Its only thing I've been listening now like two days...Now Im better, I slept for awhile. I think I go back to bed I feel so tired. Nobody was my pillow, he never done it before, but now he purred under my head like 2h while I was sleeping. I love him so much. I didnt have fever yesterday but now Its rising all the time. Goddamn influenza. I got strange sms from Petrus. Senni forced him to take my phone number last night at observatory. Sigh. Well...I didnt understand it at all. Anyway funny story from observatory...There was little girl about 3year old visiting to see stars with her mother. She asked my sister that 'is there life in neptunus?'...she answered that 'no I dont think so, I dont really know about that, its quite too far...' Little girl byte it and started to think. She was quite for moment and then asked 'ok...is there life in sweden then?' ... *LOL*
lauantai, helmikuu 17, 2001 |
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Im so fucking tired. Im feeling empty. Boxes and horrible noice, cat pooing
around the house cause of panic. Senni whining about what records she can 'rent' from me
for few weeks...yeah rrright. she left. We've been talking like months that Im going
to help her with her room recoration and such in her first day.
Yesterday she said that mm well Lotta Anna is coming back from Tampere,
and we thought we want to be together first night in our new apartment.
You can come but not overnight. It was ok for me. Tho it felt a bit
sad. She supposed to go to her bf in sunday. Today she said that
well cause Anna called and said that She'll stays one extra night
at Tampere with her bf, Tuomas will be here overnight, we want to be together...
so you can come next week before you leave to Kajaani. It made me feel sad.
Now she keeps calling to me that hey you could visit tomorrow, we could
have 'girlies' day cause Anna is here too. I DONT WANT TO BE WITH ANNA right now.
She like totally wash me out from this. She took my cd's without asking me can she take 'em
(Ayreon and Massive attack, buhuu.) Im too fucking tired mentally to argue about anything.
Last night she whined about some goddamn skirts here in my room. I understand it, but
she's going to visit here all the time, she's not away forever so why in earth
we have to decide NOW about some skirts we got when we were younger...
And...Mum, Tuomas and Pentti are there with her right now...Not me.
She just called me 'you could come here tomorrow then...hehe...ok?
bring some videos and please could you bring some noodles and such and cook for us...'
(they both cannot cook anything) ... Im so fucking done with this whole situation.
You who read this...I know your thinking that yes she's totally over reacting...
Well thing is...were identical twin sisters. Since we were babies we
talked that were do these kind of things together...Now only part in this
show I got as 'can I take this lipstick? can I take this skirt? these cd's?'...
and goddamn I noticed that she took a lot of my stuff as a mistake...
My neck is hurting like grazy and I have this one and only backbag which I own,
she took it. At morning she talked that yes Im going to leave it here yadiyadi
and somehow she 'forgot' it. But I dont care about that either, its her
style, if I say something about it she start to whine until my head crashes and
I give up. so what ever she said to me today was 'what ever' after I woke up very
early and made coffee and I was on my way to shower to get myself ready to leave to
new place with others and then mum told that heheh theres new plans, your out, Tuomas in.
Oh yay. After my head started to ache and I feel extremely weak.
Im overreacting. Or am I?
Im so goddamn lonely here. Week ago I was at sweden and spend all day
laughing and having fun without reason to escape myself. Im not depressed or anything,
this might give that kind of picture, but...
Before Senni my step-mother called...They were on theyre way to weddings. I want to be
there SO much...When Senni called I was at balcony listening how birds sang, I saw
boat at the sea, and how everything was like in spring...Im hungry but we dont have
any food here, cause theyre going to make something to eat at Senni's place.
Sigh. Well, things always work out somehow - I always repeat that fucking line.
That's the way it is - I always repeat that on too. And right now I dont give a damn.
I just feel that tomorrow I just go there to make Senni feel better, cause she
know how hurt I must feel right now. :P How ironic.
lauantai, helmikuu 17, 2001 |
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Things are not ok. Im fine, Im happy. But things are not ok. I got papers going in those schools, I hope I get in somewhere. Another paper work session in one month in other schools. I hope I get in somewhere. I have a) b) and c) plans for my life. My mother tries to get me to search work from Helsinki or from Sweden...tho I dont speak almost any swedish she said that "hey you'll learn if you live there"...I dont know. I dont know. I dont know. ooh! Yev's #tolkien meet pics!! Yay. Sigh. Im empty right now...Here nice picture yev took about me. I've always been very amazed about ice...Oh *sigh* Im so tired.
lauantai, helmikuu 17, 2001 |
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first #tolkien meet pictures are online. I miss everyone.
lauantai, helmikuu 17, 2001 |
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perjantai, helmikuu 16, 2001
You stole the sun from my heart...
I love Manic Street Preachers...This tune somehow fits in my mood that I've carried few days now. Hahha. Im restless.
perjantai, helmikuu 16, 2001 |
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Its so beautiful...Clear sky and air is like in spring time...Im drinking coffee and listening Emiliana Torrini while having this moody feeling...and aching muscles. I hope Im better tomorrow so I could help Senni with her stuff. Her room is filled with boxes. Everything in little boxes. Its like devorse or something. Other part of the relationship moves away. Thing is that it would happend sooner or later. Were just sisters...identical twin sisters. But the thing that keeps me happy is that of course our telepathy works very well and I can visit her anytime I want to. Yay.
perjantai, helmikuu 16, 2001 |
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Its sunny. Clear sky. I just woke up. I went to sleep at 5am after my horrible headache went away. Now I dont really have voice anymore...Goddamn fever. I hate it. This is like rollercoaster ride up and down. I feel so weak. One thing also...I havent been eating anything in past few days...now I feel hungry. Senni is packing things, tomorrow she'll move away. Nobody sits close the window and just keep staring how kids are playing in the forrest...
I want to write about great dreams I saw yesterday while having over 39 fever! They were something very strange...I talked about 'em in the #tolkien last night, I'll paste something from the logs...
[01:26]< Genoveva > well fever is going up and down all the time. Last night was horrible, I had 4 blankets and I felt so extremely cold that I was shaking. I hope that it will be better tomorrow...
[01:27] < Finrod > ok
[01:27] < Finrod > well at lest you didn't disappear under those due to lack of water ;)
[01:28] < Genoveva > hahah yeah
[01:28] < Genoveva > but I saw strange dreams. one thing I hate and enjoy when Im having fever...
[01:28] < Finrod > what kind of dreams?
[01:31] < Genoveva > well those dreams where very strange, like heartbeats jumping and bounching...in one dream I was at town, it was night and I played irl seek and destroy...everything was dirty and like from crow movie 8)
[01:32] < Genoveva > then I saw that 'world is spinning around' dream all the time. And one dream where my pillow suddenly started to grown. it was bigger than I was and started to scream and it was filling my room...
[01:32] < zayah > whoa
[01:33] < Finrod > wow
[01:33] < Genoveva > I remember that I was out from the room and watched how the pillow was so huge that it started to out from the door :P
[01:34] < Genoveva > it was like teddybears in akira 8)
ok...I cannot stand this headache anymore. I have to take some pills and sleep a bit then put #tolkien meet pics online, cause I cannot rest before theyre online. :P Its a beautiful day, ppl from Tampere are coming to visit at observatory today, Im not able to go. Well that's life.
perjantai, helmikuu 16, 2001 |
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torstai, helmikuu 15, 2001
Happy valentines day...Blogger have been lagging whole day, so I havent been able to write...
I have fever, all my plans are cancelled. this damn damn influensa. I feel so horrible...Head is like drum orchestra...I cannot write cause my body ache so much. I go to sleep. Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully.
torstai, helmikuu 15, 2001 |
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tiistai, helmikuu 13, 2001
Listening Pizzicato Five, feeling ok. I was in irc awhile ago and
everyone where somehow down, even me. Then I needed to leave, I didnt
want to see that. Oh gee, I got those pictures today (amazing how fast
they were) I just waited few hours...and I standed out side of that
place where I picked 'em and laughed and smiled widely. Oh I gotta
get a change to scan those tomorrow somewhere...I have to...
What a hectic day again!! I woked up at 9am...I turned my alarm clock
off and promised for myself another 15min time to sleep and them my
phone started to peep like grazy. It was Marevan. He was asking that
what where those pills I gave him when he was sick in swe. I answered to
him and thanked him about waking me up. Tihihi. Anyway...
I bought cd's again today. I bought nice blue dress 30FIM from second
hand shop. It makes me look very girly. Hahah. Maybe its time to start to
show my girlish side of Lotta. Dunno really. Sigh. Tomorrow I try to meet ekhowl
and Epa. I want my guitar back and Epa has scanner...tihi no second thoughts? ;) I miss Eka. I should
call her or something. Im lousy friend and tomorrow is valentines day. I jsut remember it.
GOD! I havent send any cards or such. I havent draw anything for anyone. Im poor broke
buhuu friend. Im so sorry. *whining whining whining* Ok...Now back to normal.
I hate bills. I hate I hate them. I hate post from job agency that never say anything new,
I hate letters from Kela that never say anything new, I hate myself cause I never say anything new...LoL.
But in bottom, Im happy. Im happy I got new cd's. Im happy I had change to go in swe. Im
happy that I'll go to Kajaani soonish. Malla called me today!!! :)) She invited me in her
'vanhojen tanssit'! Im going to meet Malla soon! Her phone call where best thing I've had today!
It was such an suprise! Ooh. Im going to have nice weddings also in weekend. I hate weddings usually.
But now these are persons that have been together like ages...since I was little little girlie...
I dont know what to say...I just have so much to say, still I feel so empty and I cannot get anything out from me.
I want to hug someone. I want to...mm...a lot. I want to travel in Ireland! yeah! That's my second travel plan.
When I get new work, I'll save money and spend 2-7 days in ireland! Yay! Alone? Dunno.
We'll see...
I havent seen Jori in ages. He's always offline when Im online. Like last night.../whowas showed that
he just went off when I logged in. Sigh. And I have like 10mk of saldo left so I cannot write really...
Im horrible for ppl. Am I? Dunno really.
I want to run away...
I should write to Jukka. I got those 5 new sorb songs today, they
sounds very great, just need to mix 'em a bit and add those horns and such.
Gotta write about new ideas I got during I were listening that cd...mm...tired. X-files is starting soonish. Laters.
tiistai, helmikuu 13, 2001 |
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Trallalaa weekend with friends from online...weekend in sweden with multi-language ppl around you, ppl I've never met, ppl I already known irl or just online. Ppl I think as my friends or somekind of friends, which I still so dearly love. And that meet was great...really...There was like...erm...a lot of ppl...mm...should I write whole list? From Finland Me (Genoveva), ekhowl, S7L, yev, Ferin, Halfie, Marevan, Raz, zum, Iridian, zayah, Arhu. From swe Cirdan, Evandar, Emanon, Finrod, Silme, Zeldar, gnu, and Arian from Norway...and then two others Inz and Spider...and and...were there all? I dont remember...I've must forgot someone...Anyway. I think I liked everyone in there. I just feel sad that I didnt have a change or I just didnt start converstion with Finrod or Inz...which wasnt from #tolkien, but I liked him after first sec I met him. And when we were leaving from swe, everyone were walking towards gate into ferry, I went to hug Finrod...after It I started to feel so extremely gloomy. I just...my heart broke. I started to felt that why In earth I didnt do that and that when I had change and I met all. There was so many I've wanted to talk with...*sigh* I want to go back there. I want to have more time to really talk with some ppl. I want to *huonoilla*(tm) with ekho, halfie and Mare. I want to party and get very very very floating and hyping about some music with everyone. Ahahaa. I want to play 'laiva on lastattu'. I want to watch while others are playing nethack and I dont have no idea what they are doing. I want to have walk in beautiful forrest. I want have a laught again. I want to laugh like mad man like I did all the time. I want to blablablaa. I want to tell bad jokes and surf around walking to room to another and just be viewer for everything around me...I just ate me last bilar candy I want to go back to swe to have change to get 'em from store when ever I want to. But that's not possible. It was thrill and so much fun as long as it lasted. I know we'll have another meet in summer...Now Im listening NIN and feeling so tired. A bit gloomy also. not even a bit. Very. I have so much to do tomorrow. Fuck you life. ;) I have to wake up at 9am, I have therapy, then lunch with mum...etc etc. Oh well. I need some sleep. aah...and now I have this most beautiful creature sleeping and seeing dreams with me...Im going to see strange dreams about meet again, I know it...oh god what dreams I've seen so strange ones...LOL :P argh. Ok...Laters. Bless.
tiistai, helmikuu 13, 2001 |
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maanantai, helmikuu 12, 2001
Hiya.
Back in life. Or something.
I woke up an hour ago. I feel finey. Trip was ok and old old stress
start to come on me. I should go to Kajaani tomorrow. I think I cancel
it and just leave in end of the week. I have so much to do now that I cannot just go and leave tomorrow. Argh. anyway! I had most greatest weekend. So much happend that I dont even remember it all. I just need few days to remember and gether thoughts in to line. I met so much ppl I knew without face...but now I have them in my head like real. Im so tired, my phone is working again, cause Im in Finland again. Anyway...I got sms sec ago from ali] that my Hotei cd's arrived and he'll send it to me. YAY! I got a lot of cool cd's from S7L during the meet, I laughed a lot, I dropped all my stress and bad memories and such during having fun and I feel refreshed tho very tired...I'll tell more at nighty, ok? Im so happy and tired and...and...I just keep ircing and missing everyone. Buhuu. Tadah.
maanantai, helmikuu 12, 2001 |
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torstai, helmikuu 08, 2001
how days creeps by...
torstai, helmikuu 08, 2001 |
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ok. I go to sleep now. how can I always mess up my life so well? tell me?
torstai, helmikuu 08, 2001 |
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I've been so extremely busy. I just dont seem to have enought time to everything I should do. Tomorrow to sweden. I will not lose my mind before it, I just take it easy...I even try, heh.Anyway. Yesterday was one of the hardest day I've ever had in my life. Some how. I didnt get sleep at night, I rolled in my bed til 4am. I woke up at 7am. I put clothes on, took guitar and left to Puolalan Music HighSchool. or something. What ever. I promised to help my friend Epa in her band, to play 2.guitar and sing background vocals. I spend whole day there. Little gigs all the time. I was so fucking tired after it. I hate to have these 'hey u have 2 days time to learn this songs' days, and her stuff aint easy, anyway. I had fun, it was joy after all. Then I runned to job agency to pick up some papers I need, then to City, hopped in the bus, then to Senni's school, then to Senni's place a bit relaxing for a moment, then to city and shopping around, then to night school to pick up some other papers, then home, quick changing of clothes, then to granparents place to greet them and pick up one bag.
It was like 20 o'clock something when I was there and suddenly my phone started to ring...S7L, yev, Marevan. All in row. All #tolkieners. Gil cancelled. Sad. =_= Everyone will be in Turku in 20.30...in trains close to silja. S7L will come earlier so we can get the tickets and such before any rush. Tomorrow will be a hectic TOO hectic day again. Im so busy that I really really need this weekend. I hope I can loose a bit in it. Ok. Tadah! That's da plan. Im so tired. What a hectic day. I'll have same kind of rush tomorrow. I dont even want to think about it. Hehhe. Anyway...Life's pretty finey now, tho I start to loose my powers, so I think this weekend will be just right for me. Time with friends...
And in next week...Im on my way to Kajaani to meet all.
I have so many emails to write right now. I just dont have time to do it...all my japanese email pals, Jukka and etc. Argh. I dont think about it today, I think about it tomorrow...Now I cook something and make quick call to Jori, I havent been able to talk with him irl in ages... Anyway, Im so tired that I mix up things in my head all the time. I thought that me and Jori will be in stockholm in same time, but today I somehow looked in calendar, and Im in this weekend, he's in next. Sigh. yeah, Im loosing it slowly. I've been too hectic to even think things totally...damn, life's shit sometimes. In that weekend Im in Kajaani, in weddings of my old old friends. I dont know what is wrong in my head...no...I know what WAS wrong in my head, and now when Its clear I start to see things suddenly what I've been totally forgot to think. Help me god. 8) I have 100 mails to answer, I have 100 things to do, 100 paper to write and send. Ahhaha. ARGH. Oh Im too strong sometimes. I know, tomorrow is another day and things are like ok. Bah.
btw, I bought beautiful dress today. I'll put it on tomorrow. I love love it. Its velvet...violet/pink one...I dont really know whats that color anywya. ooohh!! Love you all, I try to write before I leave or In my trip. There must be one 'puter with net somewhere in sweden!! :)) Laters! Bless! Nighty nite! Zzz...
torstai, helmikuu 08, 2001 |
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tiistai, helmikuu 06, 2001
What I day. Im already home drinking beer. My step-father bought it to me, to I didnt even ask. He just wanted me to have a bottle. He's very sweet after all, he helped me to return key. What a show this day have been. I tell about later, now Im so tired and such that I just want to go sleep. I just want to say thank you to ekhowl that how nice was to see you quickly in work agency. That you spend a day with me in Blue yesterday, laughed and hype and hated/loved silja-dooris always when we had a change. ;) That all mean a lot to me. Thank you to be there for me, after all I didnt even ask. ;) *hug* and S7L, that he called me back while I was running around loosing my mind and going crazy. Now all things are better, I smile, I drink yummy dark dark beer, Pentti also bought huge yummy 'runebergs-torttu' for me. You should have seen Mario there. Pentti started a show, I didnt even have a change to open my mouth!! The things that he said, totally wearing totally normal face, I just stared him my mouth open and was like out from whole situation! Ahahha. First I just runned out from there and started to cry, then I laughed, cause I knew that he said that all in purpose that I dont have to never see him again. That he'll never call me again. 'Lotta is a bit grazy in her head, you cannot trust things to her, she is a bit sick...you have to understand it. its like that, Im sorry, but this work thing is now over...' Ahahah. I was so WHAT THE FUCK are you talking about and kicked his leg. And Pentti just said that Lotta, we have to talk about these things. I didnt understand his show at all. Then when we were out Pentti said that hey, c'mon...now you never ever have to see him again! Sigh...all I can do know is laugh. And yawn. I need sleep. My life is rollercoaster, but things find theyre way always, and Im fine and dandy again. Whoah. Goddamn, what a ride. Laters.
tiistai, helmikuu 06, 2001 |
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Im so broken. He went totally confused. Then he didnt say a word to me. I have to call him at 9am tomorrow and say that yes Im going to study, no Im not going to be there working for you...He does know how to be dramatic. He just stared in other direction and didnt talk to me at all. Its not my business to worry about his business. Its not my problem to take care of the paper work for new part time 'worker' thing. He should have done that ages ago, after all. And in job agency...they've could said that no dont go there. I should not be alone there after all. Ok...the thing is I still have his key. I have to take it back there. I dont know what he will do. I think he will pain my name with black and phrase my name always when he will start to think a meaning for word 'bitch'. I felt so fucking bad when I left. He didnt say a word. I just took my guitar and but sunglasses on and walked away. I started to cry cause I was so stressed about whole thing. Oh gee. But ekhowl's anime helped me. I just finished first episode from one series. It looked fantastic. Music was something over too beautiful. Ah fantasy. I love it. I have to watch it more tomorrow...
Tomorrow...I wake up early, call to Mario, job agency...(I dont know will he ask me to work there tomorrow I dont know will he have any money to pay me and I dont know will I go...Im so done with him...) therapy and then I will return da key. I think. I came to irc and there is no one online. I send sms and no one response. Muah. Ok...that's too much to ask. I feel a bit better, still I feel like crap. Ok, its not my thing, I should not to take it so hard, but I cannot just ignore it. Im piece of shit, and I know that that's something Im not. Its not my problem. Still I think of it all the time. Why? I try to listen music to put it away from my head. I try to write emails, write songs write this spend time with nobody...nonono...oh gee. and also I have to visit kela tomorrow. oh duh I hate this.
tiistai, helmikuu 06, 2001 |
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maanantai, helmikuu 05, 2001
Oh. Everything is under control now. Silja thing. Everything. My heart feels a lot lighter than while ago...pfew. Now Im waiting my boss. Im sad, I dont know how to say, that hey fellow Im btw having my last work day today. I got official response for it today from work agency. I dont know what to think and do about this all. I have future, and oh how would somehow I would love to carry on here, but I need to study to get things going on! I have so much to do in few weeks for now, that all i do is running around. Im not that stressed anymore, Im just a bit gloomy and tired inside of me. Ekhowl was here today. He brought me anime and some music. I feel sooo happy now. I had great time with him. Anyway. Im so tired of this running. No...its not that...the thing is...that I dont know about this. i dont know how to say that Im leaving. I love this place, I love almost everything in it. I miss customers, I miss to smile and make ppl happy. But I need I need I need to study. Its my future in line and I've been so long without doing anything about it. Staying here make me jumping in same dot all the time. I need to carry on. Im so sorry. For who? For Mario, for Blue Apple. I feel like I let down a huge bunch of ppl, tho Im not worker here. Real one. Im not. :(
My mum talks with wise words, that I dont have ANYthing to do with this place. He dont pay me a penny. I just work for the system and he get free worker. Its that yes...But...still. I know he will be disapointed. I dont know how to say it. I feel sad and bad already. Life's change. I dont know I think I still will be here tomorrow. I dont know why I think like that. Well I know. I somehow now that I will be here. I've he pays, that is. Hehe :P
But...Sigh.
My mum said that I just have to step forward in my life. I need to take things in my own hands again. If I stay here another 3months its already early summer and everything is gone. All studying choices and such. I need to carry on. I dont want to spend another year in same space of doing nothing. Im so sick of it. This is something, but hey, this never takes me anywhere! I just sit here and serve coffee and help with internet. Smile, flash and money. Tadah. How are u? Im fine. How long, oh I put it running. Ok. Thank you. Good day! :) I just talked with my favorite customer...that Im confused what's going to happend. She said that good luck, things will be allright and yes this is great place, but of course you go to study if you can! She's right...But damn Mario...I have 20mins left and he's not here yet...damn damn.
maanantai, helmikuu 05, 2001 |
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Ok. Im better now. its cold out there, and as you all know, here in side also. brrr...I hate silja. That woman who worked with me while ago dont repsonse to me...So I dont have no idea what is our 'varaus' number and such...Ohohoo. How booring. Im tired. After work I go to Epa's place to play quitar and sing. I promised to help her with one band and there I am. I have gig in wednesday afternoon. I want to book myself out from it but I really cannot do that. Well, that's life. Anyway...as you all also know this is my last real work day. I went to meet Mario but he was so goddamn busy with his chat that I wasnt able to talk about it...I just took coffee and 3mk from him and runned to shop to get milk. Then I runned here to open this hell hole. Its so cold...I but 50% more clothes on that in friday. Its ok to be outside but here, even my bunch of clothes doenst really help. Then I tried to put a lot of candles to warm this place up...nothing. Then I 'started to do dishes' so I put almost boiling water there and now I hope it gives some warm air for this place.
My eyes feels so sore. Im listening saint etinne and Im feeling ok. Its was sunny, very sunny, so I put contact lenses on and sunclasses...I looked so cool walking around dressed all black and with these new redredred hair. Color sparkled like a flame! :)) Ooh I dyed it in saturday. Looks so nice. Im happy. Anyway...ekho is piece of gold. i really hope he comes to visit me today, but I understand if he skip it, after all its cold and such. damn this keyboard icy. brrr....
maanantai, helmikuu 05, 2001 |
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sunnuntai, helmikuu 04, 2001
Ok...
This is night time feeling. No...its gloomy sunday feeling. I cannot help it. All i do is cry and goddamn how hard I try I just cannot get it out from me. I try to talk but Im so confused. Im so fucking alone with this feeling I dont know...FUCK U, Lotta. Fuck you. I try to I try I try. And I just cry, like now. And I hate it. It shows how fucking weak and fragile I am after all. I dont want to admit it but hey here I am. I dont want to feel anything to anyone. in weekends or right now I have this damn feeling that I just want to scream and hate everyone, just to survive and please please say for myself that oh Lotta its ok...
I dont want to let go. ok and I write this fucking song that creeps me out. I will never publish it. still I know that Jukka will love it but I start to cry always when I try to sing it...oh too personal. dont push me away its so easy for me to let go its so easy for me to be alone and seal it all and carry on...Ohohoo someone shoot me. I need tea.
sunnuntai, helmikuu 04, 2001 |
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I dont understand myself right now.
I dont understand myself at all.
Im like spying myself outside of me at the same time and...
Im very confused.
right now, Im so extremely fragile. I dont know why! My mood...it
keeps circling around up and down. No...that's not real picture about it...
maybe just that I dont feel anything? I think it sounds better right now.
I dont know why. Anyway....Im not depressed, its not that. Not at all.
Im just empty. Im just full of thinking that no one needs me, that
if I stay away from irc and such, no one notices it. SO! I've been
offline whole 2 days. What a anarcist I am! WhoHOW!
I just hate questions. Im so fucking full of everything about my life.
Cause...well theres nothing going on right now...just 'maybe' things.
Tomorrow is my last workday. Byebye Blue Apple. I dont know what to
think about it so I dont think about it at all!
[22:13] < ekhowl > hmmmm.. things'll sort out. someway or another...
I just love him. I always keep sayin that, and now he said it to me...
I just cry all the time! Inside me...Im so fragile...I think I know the reason.
Or reasons...and this music...Nine Inch Nails and fragile...Ahahha Im pathetic! :D
Im sorry S�de, you keep call me all the time...I just dont answer today. Im too
tired to answer. Im so sorry.
I hate when ppl ignore me. but still - ignore this bable for awhile. Im so tired. but dont throw me away.
Laters.
sunnuntai, helmikuu 04, 2001 |
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I've been living underground...
Im so tired.
pasta and bj�rk. bachelorette. it makes me sad.
'your the one who growns distance when I beckon your near'
that line always effect me strangely.
I have much to write. I mean that kind of 'what i've done and yadiyadi'
but Im so empty without no reason right now that I just want to close this machine after Senni have done her things with it. I feel like killer whale trapped in a bay.
sunnuntai, helmikuu 04, 2001 |
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perjantai, helmikuu 02, 2001
ARGH SO COLD IN HERE!! Im waitin my boss and I just want to go away. Its so cold. Oh well...I idle in irc. Chat with ali my lovely russian friend.
[17:43] < Genoveva > its just so cold in here....brrr
[17:43] < ali] > does your fingers freeze?
[17:43] < ali] > icecubes?
[17:44] < Genoveva > yeah well its hard to write here
[17:44] < Genoveva > all i do is drinking too hot tea...
[17:44] < ali] > how cam you type? how does customers tupe?!
[17:45] < Genoveva > well they feel warm cause they just visit here quickly and its cold outside so this feels a bit warmer if you just visit
[17:46] < ali] > hehe
[17:46] < ali] > but it's not handy to type anyways!
[17:48] < Genoveva > yeah
[17:48] < ali] > we had things to blow hot air on fingers and keyboards in uni. cause some rooms were really cold :D
[17:48] < ali] > you need those! :D
[17:49] < Genoveva > hahah
[17:49] < Genoveva > I have boiling water in teacup and I keep it on my hands when I dont type...when it turn to cold I go and put new water.
[17:50] < ali] > you need a MUG! not a tiny cup :D
[17:51] < Genoveva > this is mug.
[17:51] < Genoveva > from ikea! :D
[17:52] < ali] > ooooooo! :D IKEAAA! hehehehe
[17:52] < ali] > is it yours or it's from cafe?
[17:52] < Genoveva > from cafe :)
[17:53] < ali] > arf :)
Petrus just came in. Oh my. This is miracle. I dont know what does he do here...he talks to me. He smile. This is...weird day.
perjantai, helmikuu 02, 2001 |
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Its so cold here. Outside it was ok, cause I put a lot of wool on my, but goddamn. Here its even colder than yesterday! When I came to open here, I sat down to sofa and jumped straight up cause it was soo cold! Sofa! Oh god.
Its also windy. When I came to city it wasnt that bad, just little blowing from the sea, but now it looks like a bit stormy. After work I go to Epa's place, then to torni, cause its clear night, so I have to go to work there also. Damn I forgot it totally, I dont have enough clothes! Eekk...I will be walking ice cube...
I think its different to have these kind of degrees up there in north. i remember last Xmas. It was something like -27, but it was nice and sparkling. It wasnt bad at all. But hey...here when you add this wind from the sea...its horrible!
Im listening Emiliana Torrini here. Salla just came and took my cello. I dont have no idea how Im going to play and study, cause I dont have cello. She sell it to another person who have a lot of money. Uh. Unfare. I want to win in lottery. Im a bit sad about this, but I know that theres always another way...
Last night was horrible! I was whining to everyone. I went in to total panic about my life. I was so tired of it. I still feel like it, tho, I took that /ignore mode for myself again. Im still quite hopeless. Well...that's what life sometimes is, cannot help it. I quess. Argh. Its windy here. Always when wind blows outside I can feel it here, cause that window dont keep anything, batteries arent really working. Everything is icy. Im drinking too hot coffee, it feels bad when it goes down inside me, but I have to get something hot hot hot. HOT. AAaaa...it hurts when I took a huge gulp of it. Uhuh. Im sadistic or something. Ahhaa.
My saldo is open again. yay?
I want to be unemployed in summertime, but its not really possible, cause I need money to live and go. Oh how much I want to be just floating around, sleep when Im tired, eat when I feel hungry. I love it. I miss it so much. Ooooh. *nostalgia* Im going to be unemployed like 1week or so. I need it so much. I dont know about it yet, but right now, it sounds perrrrfecto!
perjantai, helmikuu 02, 2001 |
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torstai, helmikuu 01, 2001
Yawn. Still feeling cold. Leaving home in hour. My god what a quiet day. Very boring. I wish that this place could be full of customers, a lot of ppl in small room makes that place a lot warmer.
Senni is at her new place now. They took my old sofa there. Best place to sleep on. I had it in my room. I love that sofa. I love it so goddamn much. She also took my clothes, some stuff I own, Her lamp that I loved...Sigh. Things change. Oh and bunch of my posters. Well, Im happy if I can help, eh?
Im drawing here. Im bored and very very tired. I hope that Senni comes here soon. And Mario also...I want to tell that Im not coming back here after monday...Im going to miss this all so much. Not all...but customers. and how I can make ppl better...Its nice to be helpfull.
torstai, helmikuu 01, 2001 |
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Oh man, its cold...
Outside and here inside. Mario was sooo sappy happy when I saw him today. Wearing some pink shirt, looking very finey. He called me 11.50 that 'hey its Mario here...can you do me one little tiny favour...go get some milk and coffee cream, I cannot leave from here, and bring em here...' Ok after my therapy 12.45 I runned like mad man to get money from Mario. He was so sappy! I havent seen him like that in ages. He said that he didnt have time to go in 'tukku' to get milk and stuff cause he had to be in court today...I wonder. OH well anyway. I runned to ruokavarasto, took some milk and stuff, runned back, it was so cold, and runned in to Surf City's kitchen and he shouted with happy tone 'OH THANK YOU LOTTA!!!' and smiled widely...I was like, ok...Now I go to blue. He laughed and sun was shining. I think this is good day. But this is also the day, when I tell him, that I wont come back here after next monday. I scare to death. no. I dont. yes...I do. No. Yes. No...Damn. Anyway! Its sunny, again! Its cold, again. One minus is that its windy, and it blows from sea, so that minus 10 feels like -20 degrees! And I have yellow trainers and same colored shirt. I feel like sun shine myself!
Oh. I saw some strange dreams last night. I was SO tired when I started to woke up. Nobody purrred around me, poked my back with his head and made sounds that meant 'get up you lazy thing, phone is ringing, your alarm clock keeps horrible sound, your coffee is ready' and I just babled that soon...soon...uh soon. Then clock was 10am and I remember that I had dinner with mum at 11am. I was so in rush. But I made it!! *hurray* Everything was glittering...all shadows were lightly blue. I waited bus standing towards sun. It warmed.. Which means...springs is on its way! Ooh!
I try to point all my happy and lucky telepathy rays in Hki right now...
Im addicted to Le Tigre.
torstai, helmikuu 01, 2001 |
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I like...love this channel. I could hug to death everyone in it. And the thing is that I've almost met everyone irl! Oh my, its like another home...again, suddenly we started very interesting and soon very hilarious conversation. Some ppl might not see anything funny it it, cause it has somekind of inside jokes in it...anyway...Sizzle is S7L
[00:03] < ArianFaol > care to explain why women have such low selfasteems ?
[00:04] < zayah > too high goals and working for perfection?
[00:04] < Sizzle > don't ignore the very high pressure placed by society
[00:04] < Genoveva > why women...you mean all?
[00:04] < Genoveva > mm
[00:05] < Genoveva > yeah
[00:05] < Sizzle > women seem to have lower, in general.
[00:05] < ArianFaol > i havent found any girl at all who doesnt suffer from it
[00:05] < Sizzle > or, are more affected by it.
[00:05] < Raz > It's penis-envy I tell you
[00:05] < zayah > lol :D
[00:05] < Sizzle > well, I know no-one who hasn't suffered, but I know several that have survived it.
[00:05] < Iridian > did someone say penis?
[00:05] < Iridian > "..from the tiniest little tadger, to the worlds biggest brick!"
[00:05] < zayah > Raz: now that would be _too_ low.
[00:05] < Sizzle > that's mp.
[00:06] < zayah > Iridian: lol :) that's a great song :)
[00:06] < Iridian > I have penis on lite.
[00:06] < Arhu > Iridian, I need to see that movie again.. :)
[00:06] < Iridian > It plays that song
[00:06] < ArianFaol > idridian: be sure to watch out or youre gonna break your fucking dick
[00:06] < Iridian > not my penis
[00:06] < Iridian > yours
[00:06] < Sizzle > If a man ate a pound of pasta and a pound of antipasto, would they cancel out, leaving him still hungry? Or would he explode violently ?
[00:07] < Raz > I think this calls for divine intervention
[00:07] * Raz runs naked through the channel
[00:07] < zayah > auh now it's my eyelids that hurt.
[00:08] < Genoveva > hahahhaa
Very very fun...Anyway! I got mail from Yuri, my dear japanese mail/snailmail-pal! She's going to write me soonish...letter I mean. I went to just see winter sales with mum after work. And then suddenly I picked up most strangest clothes...and some evening dress that they sell out from winter and little Xmas...I've loose fat so much that I looked totally great in one silky tight long dress. it was cheap (real price something like 450mk and now 80mk) but I dont need one. I dont visit in gala nights ever 8) But I looked hot! Argh Im so proud of myself! Im so thin! Just 15min stretching everything. Tadah! All my clothes and pants are too big for me...I bought one skirt also. OK. That shirt I bought is yellow! can you believe it! yellow! Whoah. I think Im starting to loose my mind of something, but I love it. Now I go to spend time with Nobody...baibaii. Bless.
torstai, helmikuu 01, 2001 |
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