MMS Blog (In Finnish)
LJ - prideandjoy

keskiviikko, tammikuu 31, 2001

Today I've got too much from this place...one customer 'oh its so nice to see you here always so sunny...' and one very great little woman, that one from portugal with that little child visit here almost everyday...we've become very good pals...she's so sappy! I love her accent when she speaks english...She study in university of Turku, she have this child she seems to love so much! Its a joy to see how they fool together always when she take kid with her...She always spend time to chat with me, even when she's in hurry. Yesterday when I was playing Jenka, she asked what is this music you always play!? I brought cd-covers for her to see today. She's totally in love with Jenka now. Hehehe. And then one girl came in yesterday, first time at her life, she was on her way from home from dentist and talked strangely. She start to chat with me from the start, and I helped her translate her old work papers in english. She was leaving in London, to work in hotel in few weeks. She was back today, my first customer, and we talked again. She's so nice. I love some regular persons here. They...make my day.
I talk with Senni in irc. We have this own-kind of humor thing, Im laughing like mad man. I usually keep quiet profile at work, but now...hehehe...ok. Im off now. baibai. I love my sister! *hug to Senni* she's leaving home soon with Anna, but we have party at saturday in theyre new apartmen and Im going to get Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack from Anna, cause she dont listen it!! Aww! KAWAIii...
keskiviikko, tammikuu 31, 2001 | | |

Listening radio...'Juonitaan ja jeesustellaan, Juonitaan ja jeesustellaan...' Oh man I love this song. So sentimental...I miss you MAUSKI! I dont know do you ever read this, but goddamn I miss you. This song bring back everything...I should idle more in #lursa...I was so extremely sappy while ago. I was full of power and I dance around. Sun was shining, its cold cold cold, cello lesson went well, tho I have to bring back my cello in friday, I dont have money to buy it (and its not good one, I wont put my money to it) but...what am I going to do then? Play without cello? How? I have that goddamn gig with Epa's band in next week and I dont have cello! She's going to kill me with her own hands. I need to hide and start to run right now...so she wont get me.
I wrote long long mail to Janne. Yay. I think its first mail I've wrote in ages. And its so damn cold in here. Outside its -14 degrees, and that window dont keep any of it outside, I drink hot coffee all the time, I heal my hands under the running hot water...and Im so freezed! im always, cause its windy here...really. That window is piece of plastic...
I wrote long long scribble log last night and when I push da button and send it...*server problem, log in again* ARGH! Well, somehow Im happy that I didnt publish it. It was quite too open and full of jadijadijadi
And we didnt get any cabins for #tolkien trip. FUCK. I hate you travel agency's, I hate you viking line. So we try Silja line then...a bit expensive...but it will do. 118mk in one way. which makes...236mk with boat, 220mk stockholm-nk�ping-stockholm...it takes 456mk...plus food, drinks and living...about 400mk? or less.
WHOAH...
keskiviikko, tammikuu 31, 2001 | | |

Im so tired. Im on my way to sleep soon. Im so windy in my head right now that all I do is sinking in to my own whining. And I have no fucking idea where it came from! Right now I feel so goddamn awful that I even laught to myself...one Lotta in me is staring this Lotta from other side of da room and laughing quetly. Soon she is going to throw pillow at me and that's it.
X-Files was finey. Episode wrote AND directed by Gillian Andersson. Very very nice and it got a lot of interesting stuff and way to use pictures in it...
Listening silence and music inside my head. Writing two blogs at the same time, this and that.
IM SO CONFUSED!
IM SO GODDAMN CONFUSED ABOUT EVERYTHING. But that will pass in few second. *hummm hummm*...
Oh, well. Massive Attack on...'shame just a shame...need a little love to ease the pain...' Oh now, too moody for me. Nobody's going around purring and staring at me. I think he need me right now. Oh. How I love him. I end this now...wish me good night. Bless.
keskiviikko, tammikuu 31, 2001 | | |

tiistai, tammikuu 30, 2001

Muah. I wondered why It was so hard to get up from bed. I was wondering why In earth my eyes went down even when I was waiting bus, wearing skirt and it was so cold to wait...My eyes just went down. I felt so blurry. Ok...I got my perioids again. There is answer for my overly stormy mood change now. I've been so happy-sad crying when someone do something I dislike and then laughing my ass of, and then screaming like mad man when dog ate Nobody's foods. Duh. Answer is here. And Im not happy. Hihihi. Im like in drugs. Im so tired. Anyway, cause Im so tired I've been having a lot of fun in irc! Chatting with friends. My humor is way too sick right now.
[16:18] < Genoveva > m� tahdon olla mies.
[16:18] < S7L > osta muna
[16:19] < Genoveva > EN
[16:19] < Genoveva > kallista
[16:19] < Genoveva > ja niit� saa vaan tallinnasta
[16:20] < Genoveva > ja joutuis maksaa hormoneista.
[16:20] < S7L > tai joo
[16:20] < Genoveva > vitut el�m� on v�h�n liian kallista mun makuun.
Ok, this is not funny, but Im so tired that it makes my eyes watering and customers are staring at me. Oh duh.
I ate something very yummy today when I was having lunch with my mum. I dont remember what it was but oh my it was great! Then I heard news about man who drove his car out from the road, he survived from it, tho car was like shit, and went to get help from house which was near to crashing place. He found two person from that house and they all came back to road to see what was possible to do. Then this car driver saw truck coming on his way on the road and tried to stop it. He maybe didnt know that its not that easy to stop a TRUCK that easily, so truck drove thru him. He's dead. How horrible it must be for those helpers he took to save him from that nearest house. AHahhaha. Muhahaha. I dont know why, this man could even be someone I know, but I find this news very sarcastic and ironic and I cannot help myself laughing for it. *ok* back to reality. Life's sad sometimes. No can do.
tiistai, tammikuu 30, 2001 | | |

I havent done anything today. Work. Home. Sag of candy. Ate almost all of it. Played guitar. Now Nobody try to kill it. I spend hours talking with my Mum. I felt so empty and full of something weak. Im better now. I got that all away from me. She always make's me see things in fresh light. Or something. Im addicted to play Oasis (?) with guitar. I dont know why but wonderwall and stand by me somehow sounds so amazing after years...I used to be quite a fan. Well...that's life. 'Stand By Me -- Nobody knows the way it's gonna be'...
tiistai, tammikuu 30, 2001 | | |

maanantai, tammikuu 29, 2001

Ok I dont know is this funny, but Im laughing and watering my eyes. Im chatting in #tolkien, like always. God, I love those ppl.
[18:48] < S7L > two lovers sat on a park bench, with their bodies touching each other, holding hands with each other
[18:48] < S7L > there was silence between them. So profound was their love for each other they needed no words to express it.
He always write those lines that have no connection or what so ever in other conversation...
Ok, I just close this place and Im on my way home...laters.
maanantai, tammikuu 29, 2001 | | |

Im bored. I've been here all day and just two customers. I spend 1�h outside chatting with Annika (Mario's another / old worker) and now one didnt come in. Whoah. This place is doomed. I hope Mario will close this cause it would be easier for me to leave then.
I made cv for myself today. I hope I get job from somewhere. If there is a god...
maanantai, tammikuu 29, 2001 | | |

Im listening Manic Street Preachers. Im at work, of course. Very bored and a bit annoyed cause of my Boss. Gaah. I love this old record. I bought it when I got money from my granparents after I went thru hell called 'ripari' (I dont know any english word for it)...This is one of my oldest records, and today when I was leaving Nobody home (which was very hard ;)) packing things and getting ready for work I just took this cd from bookshelf and runned to bus. When I came to town it was snowing. Big big fluffy soft snowdrops slowly going down. I runned to Surf City to meet Mario, to pick some milk, coffee and tea. I went there, and there was Annika. Mario's old worker. I asked where's Mario. 'He's in sweden...' (ARGH) Last night he called to Annika, planned everything behind her back and didnt tell me anything about it. There was no milk! I went to store to get it. I bought one �litre can with my own money. I runned to open Blue. Tadah. There was one new fresh milk can here waiting for me. In friday he said to me 'Lotta, remember to get some milk before work from Surf...' So irritating. Well one point for him is that there's clean floors! I didnt have to clean them. Hurray? Anyway...I close this place today at 7pm. One thing I hate most: This is my last week, and Mario dont know it. Well...I know he knows but we havent been talking about it. He somehow thinks Im going to carry on here. If I dont get in that course, I have to be here another 3months. I dont wanna. I love the work and ppl, I hate the time and how Mario make me jumping around all the time. I dont know anything about my future right now. It creeps me out so much. I dont know about anything. Anything. Please, someone, give me some answers. Duh?
Last night was strange. I irc'ed a bit. Then I closed computer earlier than usually. I felt very strange. I was full of smoky thoughts and I felt so helpless. Clear sky full of stars and little blue and grey clouds. I spend time with Nobody staring out and thinking about everything. Suddlenly I felt so tiny. I was so alone (which wasnt negative thing) with myself, Nobody purring quietly trying to confort me, walking around me and pushed his head softly against my back...I started to cry. I dont remember when was the last time I cried. Really cried. Very confusing. I was so open in spiritual way that it was too much. After it I felt very empty. I dont know where it came. Now my eyes are sore and I feel tired, tho I slept very very well. Well life's strange.
and I love this song:

A Design For Life
Libraries gave us power
Then work came and made us free
What price now for a shallow piece of dignity

I wish I had a bottle
Right here in my dirty face to wear the scars
To show from where I came

We don't talk about love we only want to get drunk
And we are not allowed to spend
As we are told that this is the end

A design for life . . .

I wish I had a bottle
Right here in my pretty face to wear the scars
To show from where I came

We don't talk about love we only want to get drunk
And we are not allowed to spend
As we are told that this is the end

A design for life . . .

We don't talk about love we only want to get drunk
And we are not allowed to spend
As we are told that this is the end

A design for life
maanantai, tammikuu 29, 2001 | | |

sunnuntai, tammikuu 28, 2001

What should I do? Oohh...Bj�rk's alarm call. Uuu-u...energy burst.
sunnuntai, tammikuu 28, 2001 | | |

Im just a little child.
Im just a little girl.
On my way between heaven and earth.
As a new born creature faceing everything first time. Im tired of being mature. Im tired of being almost adult. I want to gather my stuff and hide. A new life and new way to see.
One week 'til my work ends in Blue. Im confused. I dont know anything about future. Its not on me anymore. Its in other hands. I just have to wait and see how and what they decide. Every word and line in my life has a question mark after I've write 'em down. Right now.
Music, now dance...
After all...I tried to keep control, 100% control of myself. Now Im quite free from it and I feel that Im alive. Which is quite nice. It spins me around. Im very happy. This happy sad feeling, every time.
So. What I suppose to do now?
Im have many plans. Plan a) and b).
Senni is in her new apartment right now, Anna is moving in today. Senni is moving in few weeks. She already have started to pack her things. Im most welcome in theyre place. Which, I think, Its greatest thing. She's, after all, the only thing I cannot life without...She try to kick my butt, but there's things that are not up to me. Right now, In my life.
I decided one thing: Im going to live like I want to. I dont let anyone to control or say that you cannot do that. I wait for awhile. Everything needs a time to settle down. And...well...Everything always find theyre way in right places. Semmoista se on. Asioita tapahtuu.
'right in the eye of the hurricane. just to make it easier on you.'
I got email from ekhowl yesterday. It made me happy. I start to write answer to him right now, tho I know that I can meet him in IRC, but I know how nice is to get mail.
Laters.
sunnuntai, tammikuu 28, 2001 | | |

perjantai, tammikuu 26, 2001

Im going now! ahhaha!
perjantai, tammikuu 26, 2001 | | |

Epa called me sec ago. It was suprising, she dont really do that much anymore. She wanted to meet me, asked me over there, but I said no. Background was full of babling, so house was full of ppl. Im glad I said no. Tho, I always enjoy my time with her nowadays. Somekind of old way to be together is back again. That huge wall between us is gone. She's not that stubborn anymore. She tho, try to be, but...well its her way. I've known her too many years to ignore her. I still love her. We've went thru so much.
I get out from here in 15mins! Ooh! Can you believe it! A whole weekend ahead! Im so excited. Im so goddamn tired. I dream about relaxing and sleeping.
perjantai, tammikuu 26, 2001 | | |

Oh. I hate dangerous kids. I just went outside of Blue to send some lil'boys away...they always hang around there and destroy places. They sit there and smoke. Theyre something like 10years old. I scare them, cause few times they almost started to fight with me, but now when they see me coming out from here, they run away. Which is good. I hate to see something like that. Its annoying and very very sad.
Today helfty came here again, with his friend...Oh Im so happy. Theyre both so nice. They asked me am I interested about one etno-kind of music project...of course I am. It sounded very interesting! Im very glad if I get somekind of social life here ;) Im person who can read other ppl very well when I see them first time. I can say that Im quite sure that Im going to see helfty and his pal more in future. Hopefully.
Im so tired. My back hurts. Its friday! Yay! I think Im going to have a nicey weekend...
My alarmclock didnt woke me up today, so I was SO late from work. I was here at 13.15 something. Eek. I hate rush.
After all, Im feeling allrighty. I dont care about ppl who thinks some silly things about me. Im going to be what I am. I dont want to bury my head in thoughts that doesnt really are mine. I dont care. I care about it, when I know. I dont know nothing right now. Ooh...BTW my step-mother called me today! I havent been talking with her in ages, it was so fun. I miss everyone up in Kajaani so much!
Something from the news: cd price might get lower. I think it would be coolest! aah. Kawaii.
perjantai, tammikuu 26, 2001 | | |

Terence McKenna...well Spacetime Coutinuum (?) alien dreamtime is playing all over my head right now (I love this didgeridoo in it! We are going to use same in sorb-i-tol...) very very interesting...
I want new computer which would run flash. I want to surf without lagging and drool and think 'how amazing'...Sigh. Im tired. Tomorrow is friday. Weekend. I have yummy tea, good music, Senni here with me...This day was horrible and great.
MINUS -
- Bus left me on the bus-stop tho I was on time and driver saw me.
- Weather was horrible. It was rainy and my shoes were all wet.
- I was so late from every place I went...
- Senni is moving out in 3 weeks.
- One person said that Im liar and such. I dont have any idea about it. He dont even explain. Very fair.
- I had first very boring and suddenly very hectic busy day.
- My boss arrived late, so I was 15mins over work.
- I feel so tired and hopeless about future right now. I need some answers! I cannot plan it. Im in horrible situation. I have to decide end or not in Blue apple. If I get in that course, I'll end. If not, I'll swallow myself and continue. But I need that course and I need answers to plan my life. Im a bit stressed. It will pass, its weekend tomorrow.
- I got M A J O R phonebill in envelope that I tried to hide from mum. She, tho, found it.
- Im so alone online. S7L went to sleep, No one talks with me, idly ppl. And I waited, but he didnt arrive. Up yours ppl. ;)
PLUS +
- Nobody have been acting whole day very gently. He even pooed in his box. Without yelling...he did it by his own will. Im proud.
- Ekhowl visited me, we laughed and had fun. I love him dearly. He even brought back my cd's and borrow me few. Nicey.
- I got few very nice customers. Like Michael Monroe's wife who didnt know anything about anything, and needed my help all the time. She came in and said 'I need to check my page and emails', wrote that addy (and I was wondering...) down on a paper and I guide her all the way. Very nice gal.
- Person who visited my gbook and then we wrote some emails came to see me in Blue! It was suprise! But it saved my day, partly. I dont know his real name yet (it flashed in my brains now...I dont know nothing muahah...almost.), but he felt so warm person that I hope he'll meet me again. I want to know him. I saw a potential for friend. So terrific!
- I met cute puppy.
- When I was walking away from work, runned to bus which didnt let me in (another time today) with cello on the slippery wet road, I decided to go to H&M to stare some clothes (50% sale ;)) for awhile (10m from my bus-stop)...I suddenly heard my name from familliar voice. It was Kim, my old classmate and quite good old pal of mine. She's from Viatnam. I just stared her with 'oh my god, your still alive'-look and we hugged. We hugged and looked clothes for awhile and then I went to catch my bus. It was nice to see her...its been so long since I've heard her too loud voice (she has one loudest voice on earth, even when she talks quietly. Do not tell your secrets to her. ;))
- Senni acted nicely. She didnt yell at me. Tho she wanted pack my clothes and stuff with her when she move. She will take few of my coats and want to take my starwars pack. No way, sis.
- I got mail. Nothing, just spam mostly, but it was something. Empty mailbox is something that creeps me off. ;)
- Thinks inside my head are just thoughts, not reality. I feel pity and like shit, but theyre not true. Theyre just feelings. Muahhaha. Im so goddamn tired and fucked up that Im going to loose it.
- #tolkien meet is closer!
- Lavis maybe sell me pair of these in 1000mk. One year old. I've listen music with 'em and theyre...*drool*
- Tomorrow is another day.
This all sounds very depressing. Im not depressed. Im just worried about my future. Situation is annoying. My phone is all quiet, tho I tried to get someone to write me, so I wrote like 10 sms. No answers. I cannot call to anyone. There is no ppl online who would want to talk with me. Im very pathetic. But its night time, it turns me into this...creature who listen portishead's all mine and other mass of melancholy songs. Aah. Im still so happy and feeling fine, can you believe it!! Ok...Im going to sleep now. nighty nite.
perjantai, tammikuu 26, 2001 | | |

torstai, tammikuu 25, 2001

Im at work. This place is full of customers. This is day when I should have not woke up...First thing - I got major bills, I was etremely tired when I woke up...Then this weather...'water water everywhere, but not a drop to drink...' (from Element of Crime by LvT) - which means that its so rainy! My shoes are all wet. Roads are slipperty. Then one member from band called mesmer (they want me to sing in it) send bunch of sms, mother called, someone from strange number called, bus didnt stop even tho I shaked my hand, jumped around and such. It almost stopped but suddenly that asshole driver just went passed me by. Everyone in it saw how I screamed, show him my full collection of hand signs and screamed. No I dont really have much voice ;) Then I runned to have lunch with mym, I had 10minute (I was so late) to eat, then I runned to other side of to city, and I was 20mins late in that event. How nice. Then I came to work and my phone started to *piip piip* and I got stabbed by words and I dont have no idea what's happening. I have no idea. Very nice. So, Maybe this is my happy end of the world. Minus thing is that I dont believe in heaven...So where do I go? ;)
*SILENT SCREAMING*
Ok this will pass. Coffee. More.
torstai, tammikuu 25, 2001 | | |

keskiviikko, tammikuu 24, 2001

It's a perfect day.
keskiviikko, tammikuu 24, 2001 | | |

Im so tired.
I came home from work. It was so stormy. Its windy and now very indeed stormy outside. It was hard to walk towards it. Trees made loud humming sound and cold find its way in every part of me. Im still like ice-cube.
keskiviikko, tammikuu 24, 2001 | | |

Server where my pages are...its messy...It works and suddenly it wont open something. Its been that all day long and its very annoying. Same with Hotmail - I lost 10 customers today, cause hotmail didnt work anywhere. bad Karma? Fuck you Microsoft. My home is my castle...No Gates, no Windows.
I opened new thing today. Its like blogger but something totally different. I think it will be my a) place where I just empty my head, poems and such b) 50% finnish journal. Dunno. Desing is horrible, I made it in few minutes before I left from work...Im going to do it all over tonight after I get time to sit down here...ok...anyway url is gennie.scribble.nu. Ok I go to watch Roswell. I need my weekly teen romance thing...eh yay.
keskiviikko, tammikuu 24, 2001 | | |

1000 deaths ... One song from Brakeing the waves is on radio right now...Im surfing thru that site and I feel so sad. I feel so sad.
keskiviikko, tammikuu 24, 2001 | | |

I started new 'online diary' in Sunpoint.net...you cannot read it until your member of sunpoint. Its in finnish and its just babling. I think I a) use it a lot to swear in finnish without a name b) open my private life there c) never use it. I dont know? Ok...I love cherrycoke!
keskiviikko, tammikuu 24, 2001 | | |

Bumper Stickers For Women Muahahha...hilarious! This is good one: "IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN."...Muahhaha. Hehee.
Ppl wanna go to check theyre mails in hotmail but its not working! One irish fellow came in, started to talk, I didnt understand a word first but then I notice his accent and such...OK. He bough time for 1h. He waited and waited and tried to get in...but no. Then one finnish guy came to read mails and tried hotmail. Nothing. Ok. We made plan, that he come back later to see does that hotmail for or now. It would be very sad...Oh well.
Cello lesson went well. My hands are so dry that it hurts. I forgot to take handcream with me and i loose my mind. I have to do dishes and pain on my hands skin when I stop is horrible...
Im listening Janis Joplin. Yay. What a windy weather, it was hard to walk towards it, with cello! I was late from my lesson cause of wind...
S�de visited my gbook. Nicey. It was totally left in silence and now suddenly in few days I've got new msg:s there. Im popular? - NOT! Tihihii...
keskiviikko, tammikuu 24, 2001 | | |

On my way to sleepyland. Nobody is playing with my bag. Hopefully he wont kill it. He's hyper active right now. Something Im not. My future is creeping my brains off. Work stuff. Studies? What shall I do? I have 1.5 weeks left in Blue Apple...Sigh.
'Robotti oon ja tahdon rokata...voisko joku minut ohjelmoida. N�in se k�y k�y k�y N�in se k�y k�y k�y...Oikea k�si, kytketty!' This hilarious song for kids roll aroud my head. I remember how I liked it. Well I still like it. No...I love it! Tomorrow, I think even, I have my cello lesson. I have to wake up very early and then play. I hate myself, that I dont have time to play. When I woke up everyday I just stare clock and wonder when I have to leave to work. When I come home, my step-father go to sleep and I cannot play. And silence in this house starts at 21.00...which means, do not play piano or such, but yeah keep noise if you like. Cello's voice is way too vibrating that it floats around into another aparments. Not nice. I hate myself that I want to I want want want to play. I want to learn. But now I strugle in same spot cause I dont have time to learn. Fuck! FUCK! *sob sob* I want life.
I have plans. And right now when I wrote that line, another song came in to my mind 'tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow...' dadadaadadadadaaa...sang by Shirley Temple voice. and that little black and white step-dancing curlyhaired saint with pseudo-yellow dress...
Oh my. I hope ekhowl really does visit me tomorrow. We'll see.
I want more Hisaishi. Im addicted to his music. Ooh. I love it! ekhowl has my Hana-bi and Kikujiro soundtracks. He can keep 'em long as he needs them, but I still miss them. I dream about Sonatine...
I've met someone.
And Im so tired that I really cannot think. I started to drink pepsi from empty glass. Oh. Nighty nite.
keskiviikko, tammikuu 24, 2001 | | |

tiistai, tammikuu 23, 2001

Im in very very very bad mood. I dont really know why. I try to get connected with everyone, but they are busy, no time, Im in bad mood, Im depressed I dont wanna talk...This goddamn city makes me sick.
Ok. Im snappy myself too. Last night I was home after 23.30 and Whoah. Shooting went well, I made great look for Kaisa. Im so proud of myself. Ppl said that I should be study myself as make-up artist...I dreamed about it when I was little, but I think I keep it as a hobby. I have the eye for it. But Its so fun...I hope Sami respect my work. I created his witch. It was huge work. It took over 1h to do that make-up, wear her clothes, wig and such on...I was so empty and tired when I left home...I walked to city from Academy, my eyes closed, cause I was so tired. Its just long empty road, so it wasnt even dangerous. I jumped in the bus and went home. Mother was jewel; I opened the door and smell of fresh food passed me by. She also made fresh coffee and feeded Nobody. I was so happy. I slept 6h at night, not much.
I dont know where did this mood came from! I just want to scream and show the finger for everyone. Tho ekhowl quickly stopped by in irc just to greet me. It made smile widely.
Ooh. I tasted great chocolate today! Thank's Nume. Now I feel like I wanna go and buy ten chocobars and then I could make litre of coffee and eat them right away...mmm yummy.
tiistai, tammikuu 23, 2001 | | |

maanantai, tammikuu 22, 2001

Ok now Im on my way to Turku Academy of Arts. I just got phone call from Dad and he promised to see what he can do about these songs! Jeejee. Senni and Anna visited me here, Senni brought me food and Anna invited me to little party in few weeks. Nice. Eka also came to see me before her japanese class. Ekhowl didnt come, cause he sleeped. He's so lucky. I wanna go to sleep home right now. *whining* Oh well. I can life with this. I just floats around...wish me luck. Laters.
maanantai, tammikuu 22, 2001 | | |

Yay! I got email from Jukka last night, about sorb songs we recorded in saturday...Well when we were on our way back to throw me to Turku, we started to talk about live music...then suddenly we he said that well it could be cool to get real sax and horns in songs. I almost went totally grazy cause I know so many goddamn great musician :)) So! Now he said that If I can arrange that, we put sax in 'play it again, sam' and horns in 'cuba libre'. I have somekind of tune inside my head, I think I'll write them down as soon I get home tonight and then call to my dad. He's best and the only musician with THE taste. He once said that If I need him, he'll do everything for me (and then he difine it with 'I can play sax solo and compose...') and eek Im so excited that Im going to loose my mind. I think I'll gather best horn-section and then we all go to studio next time when Im in Kajaani. I just take backgrounds with me, and they'll do rest. Then I move those takes in cd-r and send them to Jukka, and he'll handle rest. Yay! I send 3 sms to dad last night (in early morning) and I didnt got any responce yet but I know he's intressed. And if he dont have time to do it, he know a lot of great jazz, blues horn players around Helsinki-Turku-Tampere area, so Its just few phonecalls like always. Im so happy that I get a change to work with my dad again. He always know what to do, I remember how I amazed it when I was child and he had this studio where we also lived in. I always spend days there, sitting somewhere background and listening and starring his work with some artist. Last summer I got my first real change to work with him, and it went so well. I wasnt her child anymore, who just wanted to play something and have fun in studio while he didnt have anything to do. He worked like for professional artist. And it sounded great. And he was so happy. He get this sparkle in his eyes always when he get change to do something totally different than usually. And my projects usually are something quite different. Ooh. Im sooo excited!
Im slowly walking on the air, from the heaven to back here.
So...After work I have this Art Academy visit again. Tonight we shoot Kaisa's character. Which is Witch. I designed great make-up for it last night. Senni saw it (I tried it on me of course) and took over 10 pics about me wearing that. Hopefully everything will be oki. I hope so. Anyway. Im tired, and I need to eat. I ate 2 huge full cups of one curry chicken thing at home just before I left here. about 3h ago. Im already starving. I dont understand this...8) Most horrible thing is, that Im at home after 23.00 tonight. Argh.
maanantai, tammikuu 22, 2001 | | |

sunnuntai, tammikuu 21, 2001

Im so tired.
Im so tired that my eyes hurts. Im on my way to bed.
Today I woke up early. Very unusual for saturday, I quess. Well. Jukka came to pick me up after 1pm and we started to record songs right away, almost. And Woah! We made 5 songs! After it we just put some extra background vocals to one 'soul-song', he burned me few lounge records (one great collection by ESLmusic, named slow tempo, very chick and 60's. Im addicted. Jukka got bunch of ESL records while ago. Another record is collection of tunes from old italian Agent movies from 60-70's. YAY! ^_^) Anyway...everything sounded so good!! I was totally into it and it went in there! Oh! And I put all my powers in voice. Im so tired now. I slept few hours after I came home (it was about 21.00 o'clock), watched a movie, buffy and now Im on my way to sleep again. I hardly can keep my eyes open. Tomorrow is one day with early wake up again. Im going to meet one friend.
Last night, I was on phone before I went to sleep...I forgot to close my mobilephone during it, and ekhowl called me. I said that Im on another phone, he said that he'll call later. I talked late, so I didnt open the phone again for you, ek...Sorry. Im really sorry. I needed to sleep a bit to keep my voice. Tho today when I woked up it was terrible... I didnt hear anything, my throat was all sore and such. Im lucky that I got everything done that well still... Oh. Im so tired now. My face is achy cause of yawning so widely. Nighty nite, Bless.
sunnuntai, tammikuu 21, 2001 | | |

perjantai, tammikuu 19, 2001

Wanna talk like a Samurai's use to talk? This is so funny!
perjantai, tammikuu 19, 2001 | | |

Coolest! They released the official Lord of The Ring movie teaser/trailer today! I know that I cannot watch it when Im at home, so I stare it here...ooh and well it looks good. One minus thing, is that there is no way to listen sounds!! I just can see how they move theyre lips, but I cannot hear music! Ooh! DAMN! But...I bring headphones with me in monday so...then. ^_^ It looks nicey.
Somehow thought that they make movie about greatest story on earth creeps me out. But I've read it, the books I mean, and I have picture about it, my own visio inside my head, which is so strong, that none kinda very good looking movie cannot broke it. And I hate that they put this teen-idol actor in it. He's too childlike! Anyway...Im going to watch it. And now Im very excited about it!! :)) Oohh..Im also goddamn HUNGRY. How can it be, I just ate. Now my tummy hurt so must that I cannot almost walk to serve customers. My body destroy lunch too fast.
I payed bills today. I spend 30mins front of computer, in merita solo-bank, and now Im almost broke again! Aah!
Oh, its friday, which means...that its observatory night. Its so nice to see all again. I've been so extremely busy with my life that I havent been able to visit there in ages. Im horrible, horrrrrible person. Forgive me that.
.)
perjantai, tammikuu 19, 2001 | | |

torstai, tammikuu 18, 2001

I got 1 new version from Jukka...and 2 whole new songs. Im full of energy to wrote 'em!!! KIAAAH! Ooh. I got one song, actually 2 songs totally ready for studio and ooh...2 songs...Im working one song with working name 'cuba libre' right now...Its sappy groovy funky song and Its great! Ok, I return into my melody-world.
torstai, tammikuu 18, 2001 | | |

I was ircing with d-ranged and he found me this. I havent been heard about this fellow in ages, and suddenly dera throwed URL where was his picture, in irc'ers gallery! I remember him as a little boy years ago! Chriska! How could you look so angsty than in this picture? Oh my. Well...life's shit, I quess ;)
torstai, tammikuu 18, 2001 | | |

Its been extremely busy here in past few days...but today...Its sooo quiet. Just 3 customers so far, and its almost 18 o'clock. Oh so I've been spending whole day surfing around, idling in irc, talking with d-ranged, S7L...I've been missing d-ranged...he's and huge bunch of other freaks have been in my life like ages, and now I've been so dummy that I havent been able (?) to keep touch with 'em. Well Lavis came to talk to me yesterday. Im very happy about it...I've also been drawing all day. I made huge bunch of pictures full of my boredom. Well this one aint that full of it, but still...hey c'mon me! Cheer up! Ok ok...Anyway, its me in that picture. Me as cartoon girrrlie. Cutie ow righty! :P
torstai, tammikuu 18, 2001 | | |

I miss everyone. I miss Nobody. Tihih. Goddamn. One customer visited me today...its almost 15...Im bored.
torstai, tammikuu 18, 2001 | | |

keskiviikko, tammikuu 17, 2001

EEK!! Some spider keeps hunting me...fistly it was glimbing on the walls and then I tried to catch it and it jumped on me. I think my customers found it very hilarious when I danced around da place and tried to get it away...eek. Im in shock.
Oh. I took my Bj�rk's Post with me here, and Im full of energy. I slept too long today, I didnt have my cello lesson. Im bored. Its been horribly busy day. Too many nights without dreams, Im only deeper in me...sigh.
I miss you
but I haven't met you yet
so special
but it hasn't happened yet
you are gorgeous
but I haven't met you yet
I remember
but it hasn't happened yet

and if you believe in dreams
or what is more important
that a dream can come true
I will meet you

I was peaking
but it hasn't happened yet
I haven't been given
my best souvenir
I miss you
but I haven't met you yet
I know your habits
but wouldn't recognize you yet

and if you believe in dreams
or what is more important
that a dream can come true
I will meet you

I'm so impatient
I can't stand the wait
when will I get my cuddle?
who are you?

I know by now that you'll arrive
by the time I stop waiting

I miss you

This song has most sexiest rhythm and horns. I get myself floating always when I listen this...ooh.

I've been horrible person lately. In months i've been so tired and busy that I havent answer in mails and just. I promise to do it all the time, but when I go home my brains will tilt and Im unable to do anything. Its horrible. I feel like Im bad, bad bad girly.
I do my best to arrange somekind of good situation and information about this #tolkien meet-trip...I try to organize it but those few travel agency do hate ppl who want to work with them...Im going to re-strike there tomorrow, when I get myself to my Mothers work place. (read: free use for phone!!)
Wild thing...you make my heart sing...you make everything...grooving...I have radio mafia on and this song...It stays inside my head forever now. It always do it. Annoying++
Annika, old worker before I came to work for Mario...visited me today. She's very nice, and we've become friend after she came to say hi...Well today she came here after her work, we talked few hours. About studing stuff and work. We've both tired of this thing. We both want to study and we talked about it. Argh. I hate that this place has customers now...mostly cause Mario send them here from Surf City. But some of them have stayed and visit almost everyday. But its not...much yet. we got like 160FIM or less from one day. Or then when greatest day we get about 260FIM...its not well. And we dont have add's outside or on window. No-one cant find here. Its annyoing and my day rhythm and life is in chaos cause I work in strange times. I want to study. I want to have 8am-4pm days, and play cello and visit to see my friends in afternoon. Now I've lost my social life almost totally and I dont have time to do anything cause Im so tired. Smiling 6h takes everything from me. OK...laters.
keskiviikko, tammikuu 17, 2001 | | |

tiistai, tammikuu 16, 2001

Last night after work I found one of my favorite lollipops from wiklund...My mother ate them when she was little girl. Theyre one of my favorite kind of lollipops, so Now I know where I can get 'em. I spend all my coings and catched bus. I was a bit late when I arrived to art academy. Kaisa and Sami were waiting for me. Clothes that Sami found from theather...Theyre amazingly great ones! and wig is also perfecto! We start shooting in next monday, so I have less than week time to desing that make-up...mm...
Well I hopped in the bus after that little meeting, chatted with Kaisa about programming. When I hopped out my bus just passed me by. I had to wait 20min 'til next one. Then I called to mum, that could she make some coffee for me...I asked did my cd's came. S7L send me Keiko Matsui, Vangelis and Joe Hisashi last week and they didnt made theyre way to me in friday. So I was so sure, that they were at home. No. Postman left note, that I can pick it from post-office. I stared my watch. It was 20.40 when bus started to heat to home from marketplace...It was 20.50 when I jumped out from bus and runned towards post-office. I tried to open the door, and I almost broke my shoulder, cause I (tried to) open it so fast, and it was closed!! And in sign it said that 'mon-fri 09-21'...clock was 20.50...I almost started to scream. Well...I kicked that door. But problem is solved, I went to pick those cd's on my way to city. Oohh Kawaii...Im happy happy. in same I also bought stam for Yuri's letter. Its on its way now.
Im so tired that my eyes hurt.
tiistai, tammikuu 16, 2001 | | |

But my soul means restless. Im so tired that my eyes hurts. 2h here. Then home. Oh. Khammie is very into get know my name. This is like 2th time he start to ask about it...8) He suddenly started to talk about it last week. He thought Im over 20. Gil said that I can see that you havent met Genoveva irl then ;)
[16:55] < Genoveva > tiutau
[16:55] < Kham > Gengen: how old are you then? :)
[16:56] < Kham > you're under 20 but how much :)
[16:56] < @Merson > Kham : it's not polite to ask lady for her age ;)
[16:57] < Kham > Merson: it isn't? ;)
[16:57] < @Merson > Kham : no
[16:57] < Kham > okey, you don't have to tell me, Gen :)
[16:57] < Genoveva > Kham, why do you need to know that?
[16:57] < Genoveva > 8)
[16:58] < Kham > Gen: I don't need to know it, but it was a big surprise that you _were_ under 20
[16:58] < Kham > just curious :)
[16:58] < Kham > and it is very silent. :)
[16:58] < @Merson > Kham : psst...she is 15
[16:58] < Kham > managed to write atleast a few lines... :)
[16:58] < Genoveva > Merson?
[16:59] < Kham > Merson: hmmm... :)
[16:59] < @Merson > Genoveva : sorry
[16:59] < Kham > I don't think I'll take your word for it :)
[16:59] < Genoveva > Kham, dont listen him.
[16:59] < Kham > no offence :)
[16:59] < Kham > didn't already :)
[16:59] < Genoveva > Kham, well Im ageless :D
[16:59] < Kham > Gen: that's pretty old and pretty young at the same time :))
[17:00] < Kham > so good to know :)
[17:00] < @Merson > Kham : why wouldn't you believe me?
[17:00] < @Merson > Kham : my friend used to date with her
[17:00] < Kham > Merson: well, that "Kham, dont listen him."-line is a good start :)
[17:01] < @Merson > Kham : she just didn't want her secret to be revealed
[17:01] < Kham > 2nd one would be that she would be almost 10 years younger than I first thought. :)
[17:01] < Genoveva > Kham, ok ok...Im 8year old. :D really!
[17:01] < Kham > lol
[17:02] < Genoveva > Kham, you dont have to believe me :/ I can even count to eight...duh.
[17:02] < Kham > that change of subject would be a big drawback, so the final conclusion is = I don't care anymore :)
[17:03] < Genoveva > Kham, muahaha .)

The thing is, that I dont like when ppl know "too much" about me. In channel just very few ppl know me. I try to be quite mystrious in some part of me. Anyway...Its been strange week. Im went to work agency and delivered that paper for that course. Oh! And then I had delicious lunch with Mum. Sun was shining, it was like in spring. -2 degrees, clear sky, white snow almost made me blind. Oh so sappy and shining bright one. Then I had to come here, clock myself into here. I was depressed, cause this is like aquarium. I cant see out. I cannot see what kind of weather or light outside is...very irritation from time to time. And then I suffered about lag of customers. First customer (one regular one, who visit almost everyday) came inside after 15.30...Ohh. Now almost every 'puter is on use. I think theyre some ppl that Mario (my boss) send here from surf city...
tiistai, tammikuu 16, 2001 | | |

I've seen the light. Have you? chech this out!!
tiistai, tammikuu 16, 2001 | | |

Life's strange. Its so strange that I dont even know what is going on. Its so goddamn strange that I want to scream and hear my echo. It so strange that I dont want to think about it. But I cannot be like that. Its there all the time. Thoughts.
I love the gathering right now...this music...aaah...mandylion. I love it.
tiistai, tammikuu 16, 2001 | | |

maanantai, tammikuu 15, 2001

Its just me myself and I...some old old 80's song is on radio right now. Whoah. mixdry has new beautiful layot. Oh. Very nice. Im one little lazy ass bastard. I've planned my re-desing months...Im lazy, and yeah busy? or am I?
I have to see Trainspotting. I need to watch it. I dont know why, I just has this burning inside of me that i have to see it. Its so hilarious. And I love that accent they have when they speak. Ooh yay.
Im hungry. After work I'll run to Art academy photo-studio to see Sami and Kaisa. And those clothes Sami found for Kaisa. Aah. Very interesting! Now I get my change to plan that goddamn make-up ;)
Jukka mailed me that he'll send new versions of those songs we're working on right now. In next saturday we meet and go in studio and work them together. Im so excited. I've got so much done right now, that I want to get rid of 'em to do some more! ;) IM HUNGRY.
I have to post one huge letter to Yuri today. Hope that I'll be fast enought to get it on its way today...
maanantai, tammikuu 15, 2001 | | |

Maisu (our dog) wake me up today so early. She made horrible noise. I was just shouting 'SHUT UP Im dreaming!!'...But it started to be louder and I had to put clothes on and take key with me...remember that I was asleep until I noticed myself standing outside while she was running around trying to find good place to pee..Then I left early to city. I had lunch with my mum, nice chicken pasta thing, coffee and good conversation. ;) Then I went to employment office (or what is it...dunno real word for it) and waited and waited forever. Lines didnt move at all. I think those social-worker ladies are always in theyre never ending coffee brake druring that time when Im there. Every office had someone inside. Ppl waited and waited, including me. They stared clock...Many left in same time when I decided to leave. When I came, I got number 22. The number in the sign was 15...I was there over and hour, and when I left, number was 19...ARGH!!! So I was late from here, I ran like a mad man, high heels shoes on (I wanted to try how beautiful is this world from 163.3 cm human beings view...so I took my sisters boots with 10cm high heels. Muah)...Anyway, I was a bit late, no prob. I came here...NO COFFEE?! Argh. So I called to Senni, she bought some, and bring it here. *pfew* With Anna. Anna that little cute fairy. I love her. She's so great. Theyre starting to move in same place soonish. Nice? Well...I've used in that idea now, so...Im finey with it.
Last night I was online and suddenly huge bunch of ppl wanted to talk with me. Sami...aka adent. I havent talk with him in ages...Last time we talked it was a bit...well...sad. I was somehow shocked when he started to chat with me. Also I was talking with 5 other pll (Im usually chatting with one or two person in same time), talking with Senni who was in my room and bable about everything and asked quiestions, talked in phone...Argh. Then I stopped irc, throw Senni out from my room and just peacefully spend 3h in phone. Woah. Im happy person. Tomorrow I see ekhowl, he's coming here to meet me, I'll give back his cd's and such. Its always pleasure to have a moment with him. Ooo laters.
maanantai, tammikuu 15, 2001 | | |

sunnuntai, tammikuu 14, 2001

Im listening Portishead's Sour times... Its great song, so full of quiet pain from love. But what I know about that ;)

To pretend no one can find
The fallacies of morning rose
Forbidden fruit, hidden eyes
Curtises that I despise in me
Take a ride, take a shot now
Cos nobody loves me
Its true
Not like you do

I've been writing all day. I have melody for every song now, I just remade few lyrics and stuff. Im very pleased. Plan is, that in next weekend we'll spend one day recording them in studio. Hopefully Jukka send me some newest versions and new songs in this week, Im full of power, so I could made them ready for saturday. Oh. We'll see about that.

Covered by the blind belief
That fantasies of sinful screens
Bear the facts, assume the dye
End the vows no need to lie,
enjoy
Take a ride, take a shot now
Cos nobody loves me
Its true
Not like you do

Weather outside is amazing...yesterday I spend one hour just staring sunset, which was all red and purple...sea looked like baby blue plastic. I've been missing it. Today was like spring, air smelled fresh and spakling. Now its a bit foggy and not so cold. I hope that this week could be "clear sky only"-week. I dont want rain anymore...I've noticed that when it rains, I never get customers and when weather is fine, whole place is full of people. I dont know. Im so lazy right now, that I dont even want to think about anything.

Who oo am I, what and why
Cos all I have left is my memories of yesterday
Ohh these sour times

Cos nobody loves me
Its true
Not like you do

Im not lovable human being. I mean, Im full of love. All is full of love. But I really mean, that I open myself, then I let it be, til I get all messed up and I close myself. There, tho, a lot more, but I dont really feel any needs to analyze it here. ;)

After time the bitter taste
Of innocence decent or race
Scattered seeds, buried lives
Mysteries of our disguise revolve
Circumstance will decide ....
Cos nobody loves me
Its true
Not like you
Nobody loves.. me
Its true
Not, like, you.. do

Why this song makes sense? well cause thruth is that NOBODY really loves me. And that's true. In whole different way than anyone in this world do. ;) *Purr*
sunnuntai, tammikuu 14, 2001 | | |

Im still awake, on my way to bed. I've been hanging around all night, having pleasant conversation with my mum, listening music and such. Can you imagine what I did today - I cleaned my room, I spend time with vacuuming and washing floors...and everything. Im living in whole another world right now. I think this is very nice. I didnt spend time online today, which...is nice. I think.
Tho, Ekhowl called me today, also he called me yesterday. I always get happy when he calls. I always enjoy my time with him in irc, irl or via phone. He's so dear to me, and one of the greatest person alive, but I know, that even he dont really know it, maybe. ;) Well if you read this, now you know ;) Anyway...yesterday (or should I just say that in friday night) when he end our conversation and said that he'll call back, I waited and then fall asleep on the floor. I was so tired. I was playing with Nobody and next thing was that I woke up at morning. He tried to call me back, but even ringing phone didnt woke me up...I slept 15h!! Amazing! I felt so good today! I saw pleasant strange dreams about some cult, but my god -> I slept! Oaah. It was so nice. Im new person, clear room (floors), sappy mind after rest and...well...going back to sleep after idling again to early morning...But this is only time I can really get myself from the box and really make something (I mean write)...and I feel so amazing. My tune for today is 'mustang sally'...which I've played all day long. Roar...it makes my blood run like hell. Ok...I have to find Nobody from bathroom and log in to dreamland.
Im so glad about few things right now...that I have great humans around me...I have smile on my face even when I think of them. I miss some friends so much. But Im so happy, that I know theyre somewhere. Also...I've met someone...new personality...I was in his homepage, left msg in his gbook, he came to see my page, left msg in my gbook where he asked my irc nick, I mailed him, he came to talk me in irc...after it we've been chatting, and I think he has some potential to become friend...AND #tolkien meet is coming closer...Ooh one weekend in swedent with all. Im so glad. I just need to save every penny I have. Im also happy that I have this greature called Nobody who just pooed on the dirt-free floor. ARGH. Oh well, I go clean it, and then...this blessing login to dreamyworld, baby! Im so tired that I cannot even understand a word about this babling...Nighty nite.
sunnuntai, tammikuu 14, 2001 | | |

perjantai, tammikuu 12, 2001

This site, in one phrase...KICK ASS...Whoah. Anyway...Its so goddamn cold that Im loosing my mind soon...
perjantai, tammikuu 12, 2001 | | |

I've been listening this song replying it like 2h now. Dunno why. I just love this song...so amazing...so powerfull...This old old version is best one. Huge orchestra and everything!
A Natural Woman (You Make Me Fell Like)
Aretha Franklin

Looking out on the morning rain
I used to feel uninspired
And when I knew I had to face another day
Lord, it made me feel so tired
Before the day I met you, life was so unkind
But your love was the key to peace my mind

Cause you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like
A natural woman

When my soul was in the lost-and-found
You came along to claim it
I didn�t know just what was wrong with me
Till your kiss helped me name it
Now I�m no longer doubtful of what I�m living for
Cause if I make you happy I don�t need no more

Cause you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like
A natural woman

Oh, baby, what you�ve done to me
You make me feel so good inside
And I just want to be close to you
You make me fell so alive
Cause you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like
A natural woman
Amazing. When I read these lyrics I can hear it all.
perjantai, tammikuu 12, 2001 | | |

The Blues Brothers Links Archive - And the best BB site ever! YAY!
Im listening gloomy blues songs right now...feeling totally over active and that's why I feel so terrible inside. I want to burst.
perjantai, tammikuu 12, 2001 | | |

torstai, tammikuu 11, 2001

LOL, Hello Kitty Toaster Oven! Ahhah...really kitch. Almost horrible, but hilarious...You can also have Hello Kitty (tm) Vacuum cleaner and waffle maker...But this is something I find very cute : Coffee / Tea Maker...Chibi! There a lot of cute stuff, to cute to be true. Eww...Ok Im off to larp cafe now. Laters!!
torstai, tammikuu 11, 2001 | | |

Senni and Anna visited me here. Nicey. Today in hour I'll find my way to Larp Cafe, cause Sami cancelled that meeting in Art Academy, sad. So we see in monday then. Anyway...Im listening Jenka right now and feeling finey.Someday before I know it / Someday before I know it /...You will leave me alone, Its my fate... Very happy sappy song, until you start to listen lyrics. Gotta love her.
I need to learn swedish. I've got a huge group of swedish tourist now, and I can understand them, but I dont know how to answer...
Yesterday group came in. First one of them talk with me in finnish. They took computer and used it for while and then suddenly I heard that one of them was saying something to me 'blablablablaa ut' and I didnt heard what he said. I said 'yes?'...they all looked each other with "DUH?!"-look and then one said that "Can we print?"...then they started to chat about me, in swedish. I understand it. It was hilarious...'why in earth this girl cannot speak swedish, cause even in Stockman they all talk it..." Ahahha. Ok...I just smiled and cleaned tables, like I didnt hear them at all.
I do not I do not wanna remember, how I felt when I fell in love, with someone like you...mmlike you...Jenka...This is one of my favorite songs, her voice is so soft in this one. Oh! Kawaii! ^_^
Another swedish girlie came in today...She was fully clothet by Hello Kitty...She came in and said "talar du svenska?" to me. I smiled widely when I said 'nej jag kan Inte tala'...Then she asked "talar du engelska?" (in swedish! ^_^ very hilarious)...well she was great customer, we chatted a bit, I help her to find few places in Turku and then when she paid, she gave me tip! My first tip ever! ;) Anyway, I love these hilarious language difference things.
Its cold freezing cold outside. Suddenly. Senni said that its clear and in snap degree was something like -16 or so. Eek. When my boss, Mario came in, coat open he screamed 'OH MY GOD THIS PLACE IS SO WARM!!'...^_^
I think this day is one of those quite happy days. I talked with my new irc-friend in irc last night and today...He's very interesting new personality in my life...
Ok...Im going to loose my sense of humanity right now, but I cannot help it, look this one!...Oohh!
torstai, tammikuu 11, 2001 | | |

Listening Janis Joplin, no customers, feeling a bit gloomy. You dont know...you dont know how its like...to love anybody...
I LOVE this kind of music...I would love to listen Aretha Franklins 'Natural Woman' now...I love it, so powerfull! its like you suddenly get filled with energy to show all your cards...
Coffee...
torstai, tammikuu 11, 2001 | | |

Its so cold.
I've try to find this phonetone in everywhere and now I found it...Chich Corea's Spain...Aah! :))
Im going in #tolkien meet in 9-11.2 its in Nping / sweden. I have no idea how much it will cost to go in boat and train, but tku-swe boat/ferry will take about 180mk without place to sleep, bus ticket stockholm-norrk-stockholm 220mk...I think I get lower prices, if I take my identical twinsisters student card...I want to go so bad. After that I go to Kajaani...Then back home to work and start study in that course. Oh God, wish me luck with this all.
torstai, tammikuu 11, 2001 | | |

keskiviikko, tammikuu 10, 2001

I listen radio...How clever songwriters this girlie really do have - Britney Spears use to sing: 'My loneliness is killing me'...Now she sings 'My loneliness aint killing me no more'...^_^ Ahahaa!?
keskiviikko, tammikuu 10, 2001 | | |

Im shaky. At work. Customers. Nice. I hang in irc chatting in #tolkien...
My phone connection is opened again. If you want to sms or call me, Im able to read/listen you know, again. I've been on phone a lot today...My fathers girlfriend (step-mother what ever you want to call her, for me she's just Virpi) called when I was getting ready to hurry in my cello lesson, feeding cat, putting clothes on etc in same time 8) ... she got money today and paid phonebill and called me that 'hey its open again!'...Then Sami da photographer called that he got proper clothes for next character from theather, and we have to meet that I can check them out and desing proper make up. So, tomorrow after work I'll hurry to Turku Academy of Arts, meet him and Kaisa...nice. Also my friend called me, Mum...Senni visited me here sec ago...amazing she was almost dead cause of headache in the morning, but now she was walking, and on her way to spend night over in her bf...Bloody.
Today is 'nothing to do' day, and I love it. I mean, after work. I go home, I hang around, maybe irc a bit, try to answers in mails (those I've havent been able to write in ages), strech my aching back, play with Nobody...also watch Roswell from tv...I love that series, Its like Buffy, I mean "take your brains out, put them on the table and stare" kind of stuff. Very relaxing and fun. Ok dont admit it but...I like that soapy-teeny-romance ( :P ++ ) stuff...somekind of romantic person inside me like it. Im not romantic at all...no no...Im hard rock woman that never whines. Rrright.
Im romantic. I just dont show it or admit it, much. I said once that Im 'piilo-romantikko' (cannot really say it in english)...
MALLA! If you read this -> I MISS YOU! Im going to be there in next month! how long, week or so! =) Hopefully your not outta town.
Yuri, my japanese penpal is piece of gold. I got her letter yesterday. It was first real snail-mail...we've been sending emails, and Xmas cards. She wrote long letter, put Tokyo map with it, pictures about her and one about Okinawa beach and ocean which I adore! and she know it. It was so amazing! And...she put advertise about Trier's dancer in the dark that she have cut out from news paper (its opening in Japan right now), One article about Tomoyasu Hotei (from some mag also) about his newest stuff...envelope was heavy and I wonder how can it be, and I opened and all of this was there. She's so nice. I answered in that letter right after. I wrote 4 pages (a4), and I put some pictures with it, and such. Im going to send it tomorrow. Its fast to send mail in Japan...It takes just about 3-5 days. I also got card from my dear dear irc friend ali]...I have to post him one too...So yesterday I was extremely happy. Then I watched Samurai Fiction, ircked a bit and went to sleep. I was death tired. I am death tired.
Life is strange. I've met new persons all the time. Its nice cause...well Im not lonely, but I've lost my social life, after dropping off...from my personal life...yes. And I had this huge HKI-life. with another amateur astronomers...meeting all the time. Now...I havent seen them in year, or since early summer. Only few are somehow connected with my life. Im not really sad, that's what sometimes happend...and then Petrus...he dont even talk to me anymore, tho he visited here last week, but same day when I was at observatory after work (in last friday) he didnt even say Hi, when I came in. I feel so empty about it. But he maybe have his perfect reasons to tread me like this, but Im not going to shuttle in and out from his life when he feels like it.
Ok enough.
Life's strange from time to time. My life. Senni said last week that she really cannot understand how my life is full of these strange relationships and things. Me either. 8) Right now I just have those humans around me, who makes me happy...and such. My hands are cold, few customers just came in. Its been quite busy day. Im glad. One hour and Im on my way home.
keskiviikko, tammikuu 10, 2001 | | |

tiistai, tammikuu 09, 2001

Oh...In sec I go away to home...I dont know is it cloudy or clear sky outside...everyone in irc are also so idly that I didnt get answer. Duh. Eek. Eclipse tonight!
tiistai, tammikuu 09, 2001 | | |

Oh my, I've been so lazy and tired that I havent asnwer in that huge load of emails I have back home. I feel so horrible ;) Im so sorry.
And now, Problems in north. How I know? Well...my phone connection went black today. Which means, that they didnt pay phonebill. So...My boss cannot call me, if he have something to say to inform me. Also i cannot call home, that I dont have key, and I cannot call to Senni and ask her here. I cannot call Eka and ask can I go there. I cannot use homephone, cause Its unable to use when someone try to call in mobilephones...how fun. Hopefully things will change soonish. We'll see.
tiistai, tammikuu 09, 2001 | | |

Oh one of my all time favorite movies will be on tv, in channel 4 tonight, Im going to snap it in VCR and aah...I love it!! Samurai Fiction! Music by Hotei, and he's also making his first movie role in it! Nakano's (director) movie debut. He's done a lot of Hotei's music videos and working with multimedia...Argh. I love it, I love it.
I heard wonderfull news few minutes ago...Nakano's new movie red shadow (Ninja movie, it looks good from trailer) will be out in summer 2001, which means it might be here before 2002! Eh fun! *happyHappyjoyJoy* ...
I'll shut up now. Thank you.
tiistai, tammikuu 09, 2001 | | |

pampadam...Im listening saint etienne's good humor cd, waiting customers to come and feeling over bored. About that winter wonderland thing I talk about few days ago...well its raining heavily, there's no snow, just water and ice around. I almost falled on my ass today, when I was on my way to have lunch with Mum. Quess what?! Today from 8pm to 12pm you could see full moon eclipse here, but! -Sky is totally cloudy. Cause its full moon, you might see it thru those clouds, if your lucky. If there's God in this universe, she'll move those clouds away ASAP. This is 3th time in few years that I have possibility to see _full_ moon eclipse, and again its cloudy! Why? oh, Why?! I curse, and I curse. Well, if its not cloudy when Im outta work, I have to go straight to observatory. If its cloudy I can go home. If sky is clear at night, I maybe have to get in interview in mag, cause always when theres some ivent on the sky, ppl come to take pictures and ask questions about it and then I see myself in paper looking like pseudo-professor astronomy geek. Muah. 8)
tiistai, tammikuu 09, 2001 | | |

I saw a bunch of fresh yellow peppers on the snow today. It was amazing. I was on my way to bus stop. It was like a dream. There was like 20-30 paprikas lying on the ground. Snow around them...
Im so tired. my back is killing me, tomorrow long long day. Gsus kill me when Im still alive.
tiistai, tammikuu 09, 2001 | | |

maanantai, tammikuu 08, 2001

About that winter wonderland thing...well today it was too warm, all that beautiful white snow (and we got a lot of it!) is now wet water kind of mess that a) make roads slippery b) makes your shoes wet...But what a heck! We got sunshine today! It was like first spring day, tho its not spring yet, hopefully.
I woke up totally early. My mother was shouting that here's your coffee, wake up (clock was 07.30am something) NOW...I was totally in my dreamland and said 'yesyes Im awake'...Nobody heard it, he was in livingroom. He said miaw and runned to cuddle me. It was amazing, he never ever acted that way. He purred around me, pushed he's face to my cheek and purred and purrrrend some more. It was so cute. I love him so much. My little Nobody. eek. I want to go home. 8)
I maybe leave from this place after 6.2...I dont know yet.
I went to city before 10am...I was looking study/work stuff around and then I had lunch with my mother. Then I went to get milk and coffee from Surf City before I came to open Blue. Anyway...My boss asked could I vacuum and wash the floors. I came here and started to clean with that old crappy 70's vacuum cleaner, which was nightmare! It didnt take anything in...then I used mop. Well this place look much nicer now, but what a work it was! I couldnt find any proper soap either...I know how to clean places with 'pro'-stuff, cause I've been helping with my step-mother with her work (she's cleaner, and Its fun...I was with her all Xmas, helping her out with her job...big big industrial halls and such Eek great places!)...anyway!
Im outta here soonish! Then I go home, take painkillers, cause after that cleaning my back started to hurt so damn much. I almost passed out, and I coundt really breath BUT now Its better...I did my streching and drank few cups of coffee. Eka also visited me. She was on her way to her japanese lessons. I found translator thing from altavista...I used it and then read everything from Hotei's and Jenka's pages! Yay!
last night I wrote two songs almost ready at same time when i tried to get Senni sleep (she was idling front of computer, chatting with friends in irc and icq) and out from my room...one is for jazzy song, I just have 1.5min long version of it, cause it was just idea, that Jukka cave me...well Im totally inspired about it. That melody is so light and sunny, I made 'jazzy'-vocals to it, mumbled something in it and sang it to Nobody...then I started to sang in japanese...soon I had chorus that has lyricks in japanese and english. Japanese is so light to sing, it somehow fits in that tune so well...that song is for my friends. Not for one, for all. Almost everyone of my friends are somehow interested about japan or japanese, so it fits...they maybe even understand what I sing for them. I have to write email to Jukka tonight...We have a lot to do. Im so happu. I love to work new tunes all the time.
mm Laters.
maanantai, tammikuu 08, 2001 | | |

sunnuntai, tammikuu 07, 2001

Im so over hyper active right now. I spend whole day with my friend Eka, we didnt do anything special just hanging around. It was nice. I always enjoy my time with her. OK Im watching a movie right now. Nicey. Some food I will make also. Now, I think. In sec.
Its been snowing all day! Amazing! I just cannot be happier, its like blue, white and so fresh! everything looks so light! Aah. Tho, its too warm, I hope we get some minus degrees here, so I can keep my childhis snow winter wonderland thing around me. Oh Laters.
sunnuntai, tammikuu 07, 2001 | | |

lauantai, tammikuu 06, 2001

Im getting powers to clean this room from the floor to roof. Wish me luck. Anyway...Janne (!!!) called me today. Im like over top too happy about it all next week. yay. I write later tonight! This chaos were Im living in is taking control and I have to win it! *evil laugh* So...Me and my powerfull knight friend mr mop are going to destroy it. Gyahahaa. So here I go!
lauantai, tammikuu 06, 2001 | | |

perjantai, tammikuu 05, 2001

Duh. in #tolkien is going wild...very *sensored* stuff. ;)
[15:09] * Quiwennet wants musti's girlfriend
[15:09] * Descartes wants them all
[15:10] * Sierry must be somekinda outcast, she still wants....... Ken-sama!!! *oohohohoohohohoho*
[15:10] < Numenor > Desc: We'll make some funky lovin' tonite with you... =)
[15:10] < Descartes > indeed, my big bad boy =)
Notice one thing...this is not real...Customers are staring at me, cause I laugh...sick! Tihih. Im hungry. I watch kenshin pictures and put them on my home server that I can get them from one place when Im at home...
My hands are cold...I slept quite well last night. I dont know how I did it but I felt very good when I woked up. Senni was chatting at computer all night and left me alone before 3am. Gaah!
I think Im cold when Im close with two person that are bottomlesly in love. I walked and talked last night around with Senni and her roommate Anna, they both are in relationships...They talked about things, love and such. I felt that Im cold. I dont know how can I open myself. Someone can past me by even that I dont notice anything cause I dont let myself to do that! I want to get rid of it, I want to be open and fall, but something in me always stop it and I throw everything away. I have this sick...oh well...way to see things, Im having war between two personality or such (alter ego? no...) inside me. Oh well. Im still very happy, if there is persons who love around me. It makes me believe in things. I think that I just cannot handle that kind of things. Muahha. ;) Laters.
perjantai, tammikuu 05, 2001 | | |

torstai, tammikuu 04, 2001

Im crazy. Now I know how to tell it to everyone and even with 86 languages...Atashi wa kichigai desu yo!
torstai, tammikuu 04, 2001 | | |

It was snowing while ago. Nice. I drink tea. Peach one. Taste is soft and smooth. I love it. I miss few friends. Longing of life and memories...I dont know why, but right now I feel so alone.
torstai, tammikuu 04, 2001 | | |

Tho, Im here at Surf city...All day alone from 11 to 18...Im tired cause I slept but I saw strange dreams (which I dont remember) and felt terrible when I woked up all the time. Gaah. Its windy...I have long day. I had long day yesterday also. I came home at 10pm. I went bed almost right away at 12...and woked up at 7am. I feel ok. This place is full of customers already.
About yesterday...My cello lesson went well, tho I had to came here after it...Cause my boss called me while I was walking/running to get at music school in time. Then again my phone rang right after it, and there was my old friend Epa. She has some thing with her band at 7.2.01 and she need me to play cello. She asked where I am and we noticed that were in same blog so she came to see me, she was on her way into place that is next to my cellolesson place...She asked can I come after work, I said yes, so after work, hungry and feeling bad and weak as hell (my tummy still hurts...will this never stop, I cannot eat anything...) I went to see her. I was totally late and she was a bit angry ;) I had nice time, tho. We made cello stuff in her songs, played guitars and jammed, then I took her violin and she took my cello and we started to play duo. It sounded terrible!! :)) Tho, I know how to play violin, but it doesnt fit me at all. She didnt know how to keep cello between her legs and it looked totally pathetic. We teached how to play our instuments and played twingle twingle little star very badly. Muahhaha. What a fun. Oh well...we wrote our jamming on notes and I left home. Tadah.
Today I have work, then Larp Cafe meeting...also Sami da photographer is going to be there, we have to plan some make up's and stuff for project. Argh...my tummy. Will this never end?
torstai, tammikuu 04, 2001 | | |

Im so happy that I almost didnt find my way to that lunch place where always are...I just smiled widely, had tears on my eyes and felt so goddamn happy! First place where Raikku went after hospital was my dad's place (he's on free right now...) to tell news and to plan huge blues baby jamming session for friday (tomorrow) night! God I want to be there so badly! I send sms for Raikku while ago from my mothers phone...hopefully he got it! Oh my...Im going to burst...
torstai, tammikuu 04, 2001 | | |

IT'S A BOY!!!!!
Concratulation Raikku and Sari!!! Oh my god! I got phone call while I was going to have dinner with mum about an hour ago! It was Virpi and she said that Raikku just called, Sari gave a birth to blues baby boy in late night/ early morning!! Im so happy!
torstai, tammikuu 04, 2001 | | |

keskiviikko, tammikuu 03, 2001

Sigh. I think Im going to puke, Im having horrible tummy pains, I shake and I look pale. I cannot go home..I still have 1�h to work. I hope I dont puke...
keskiviikko, tammikuu 03, 2001 | | |

my boss called...I have to go to surfcity today again...Im there also tomorrow...cause he's out of town. today 1-18 and tomorrow 11-18...I hate this jumping around...I feel sick. My tummy ache so badly that I cannot move. Argh.
keskiviikko, tammikuu 03, 2001 | | |

tiistai, tammikuu 02, 2001

Tihih! Read this...if you like unix jokes.
tiistai, tammikuu 02, 2001 | | |

I saw most graziest dream last night. I was there. Two girls, I was another one. I watched that dream from her eyes and at some points I looked it like a movie, where I saw both of us. There was music which I dont remember going loudly in background. We was in some mall, In empty shop which was like home...I dont know what it was. I dont remember everything but I remember that what we was doing...well we tried to harm ourselfs. We used knifes and guns. We just did it to see how much it needs to die. Music was loud, picture was somehow blue...Like movie. I remember myself looking in mirror and seeing blood all over the toilet. Then she, that another person in this dream tried to shoot herself with gun. She didnt made it, tho in real life she could be dead already! She was saying that goddamnet It doesnt work...she was covered with blood. Then she put gun against her forehead and shooted herself again. I saw how there was hole and a bit blood again. it was messy. Her eyes was getting filled with stifted blood, and I couldnt see her iris anymore. All white was now red. Then suddenly I head door slamming and there was "mum" (she wasnt my mum, but she was mum in that dream) and asking what are we doing...I was just like oh nothing my nose just keeps bleeding and were trying to clean this mess. Duh? Sick!! It was so strange. I dont remember everything, it was somehow great sick dream. I always have these guns and blood in my dreams. I saw some from time to time, but almost always when I 'see' and remember things, theyre full of blood and such. And theyre not nightmare, tho theyre something horrible! Anyway...This was another interesting one. Oh my.
tiistai, tammikuu 02, 2001 | | |

I somehow want to go back to north. It was so beautiful and peacefull there. freezing and clear weather all the time, snow kept noice under me while I walked on the ice of lake at nights. Almost every night was clear...here snow is full of dirt and shit, its wet and its warm. Roads are slippery. Im back in Blue Apple netcafe again. Yay! Very nicey...
My trip was very great. I miss back already - reason: Sari will burst her baby out in any minute...doctor said that the time will be right after new year. Im going to get crazy here...Well I met Sari and Raikku in Christmas day. Sari was SO big! They said that will be one child, but it looks like she carry twins or more. Duh. Anyway...Xmas was relaxing. All I did was eat, eat eat, sleep, eat and then sleep. I got nice presents from everyone...Senni cave me X-files Dana Scully actionfigure which I loved, I got books, pens and paper, more good oil pastels, tattoo (I met Marko aka P�tk� and we started to plan it...Im going to take it in february when I go to Kajaani again), beautiful japanese styled candle holder, cd's (from myself)...and Peace. One unpleasant thing was that my back was killing me. I went to see doctor in thursday, I was planning to take nighttrain to Turku cause I had work in wednesday...Well mr. doctor checked my back, said 'oh my' and wrote me bunch of pills and rest til new year. So...I did that. I didnt took that train. I came home last friday. I missed Nobody so much while I was away. He didnt let me go when I was back. I didnt get my coat away cause he stucked on me, purring like mad man. CUTE! Im so happy to be with him again...S7L came in saturday. Left yesterday. We spend new year listening music, talking and mostly staring movies and hanging around. Very relaxing. I was full of power when I came to work today...
So...New year is this. Like #tolkien topic says right now:
"And so the earth survived another year, man miracles do happend"
I got few happy end of the world sms in new years eve...Sky was -full- of fire works and I was tired. It was like a dream. So beautiful and noisy. It was SO beautiful. I love fireworks. I just dont get enought of them...
I got new mobilephone btw! My old one was huge, broke, in use I just made few phonecalls and it went black. Also that phone didnt know how to make noise when sms arrives and such. It was old and now its happily ringing some nokia tune in mobile-heaven...God I loved it. Its so cute. Anyway...ah coffee. Im quite happy person. Sorb-i-tol is going strongly. There's some news Im not going to tell ;)) tihih. Oh well, were making huge pile of new songs right now. I finnished 'Al dente' while I was in Kajaani and now all I need to do is record vocals. Its great. Its exiting! Oh well...Making lyricks and melodies...Its like diary, another way than this is, well...I dont see this as my diary either...oh well...Tihih laters!
tiistai, tammikuu 02, 2001 | | |

busy day. My tummy hurts and I didn't take painkillers with me...dammit...*suffering*
tiistai, tammikuu 02, 2001 | | |