lauantai, marraskuu 25, 2000

Letter to you.
Its one year from your death tonight. Thinks down here are quite ok. We all miss you, but some things just happends. Your kids are growing, Im not sure will Satu remember you when she's old, cause she was just a baby when you went away. Mika always call to you with his toyphone and ask you that can you come back. You dad is fine, he havent lost his down-earth humor and joy to live. Anne, your wife, is fine. She is most stronger woman I've seen. All your friends helped her rebuild your house, watch over kids and such. Our old group broke in parts after your death, it was total chaos but now everything is back again.

My father is fine, your best friend. He miss you so much. He's new person. You remember...I and my father didnt even spoke to eatch other in 1� year. First time after long perioid I heard his voice, when he called to me, to tell, that your dead. We cried. I was in shock. He said that come here, he said his sorry and please, dont do this to me anymore. I traveled to Kajaani in week. Now were close to each others again. We've talked everything. Im happy. He said, that from sad things always come something good. He realised how fragile can humanlife be. I hated him so much, my own father, but now he's whole new person who respect others, he realise that even he can make mistakes, that he aint perfect. He always said that crying is bad. Now even he cries. Now he show his love to everyone. Now he have forgive past and were starting writing our realitionship from new empty page. It's hard. But were talked a lot, last time when I was there, we talked it over, and forgive and started to live in this moment. Isnt it great? Im sure you are happy about it, cause you were the one who was close to see how my father was suffering about our situation. You know...

we always talk about you. Everyone. We always smile when we hear you favorite song. We always smile when we see Mika, cause he's clone of you. Life always find a way. Anne have new partner, Ben. He's piece of gold. He makes Anne happy and take care of kids too. And they all love him. Still, the house is full of your pictures. Still, your here all the time. No one never take you place. Your Mother said to Anne, that how can you take another man in your period of mourning? Anne said that 'sorrow and longing never ends, I have to go on.' She's so extremely strong person.

Btw, Sari is pregnant, but I think you already find it out. She's having her bluesbaby in newyear. We just dont know that in 00 or 01? :) Rh Blues Band is going strong and theyve got a lot of name. We're started to keep jam-sessions at Krouvi from time to time. You should see, theyre like in old times. :D

Im fine. I have job. I've started to play cello again. Im singing in band. Im doing music. I have two homes. I have heart that burst love. I've get my joy of living back. You saw me when I was tired of all this. It's gone. Im myself again. Senni is fine too. She just cries for you so much. She cannot really handle this situation. Even now, after year. Same goes with Ulla. She's still crying. All the time. Others, I think, are ok.

How are you, where ever you are? We'll see someday. I think that human that lives with big heart, shape of you, always have a short life. You lived so 100%. You was tired in the end. But still so young. And your death was tragical. But thinks like that...they just are.

I feel strange. Its kinda wicket to write to you. I dont know where you are. But still, I felt that I have to write this. I hope that food taste better in heaven. I hope that everytime they talk to you, they know theyre lucky to be your friends.
Take care.
/Lotta

lauantai, marraskuu 25, 2000 |  |  |